to all of my underage followers with shitty parents:
i am your parent now. i love you, you are valid, i’m making lasagna for dinner and your bedtimes are never
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Answer this please….
(Source: asafo2020, via bleedingwillow96)
Reading about Alexander the Great is so much more fun if you add ‘no homo’ to the end of his gayest exploits:
- “yo, hephaestion, you know who was totally rad? achilles. i’m gonna constantly publicly compare myself to him, so you should totally do the same with his bud…
(Source: sob-dylan, via goblinbutch)
If someone says dont touch me, please dont
- laugh and obnoxiously say “Touch. Touch.” While poking them
- put your arm around their shoulders/grab their arm
- say “why are you so sensitive? jeez, touchy!”
- keep touching them in any way shape or form
Please do
- remove your body part from their body part unless you wish for your body part to be ripped the fuck off
(Source: over-yandere, via bleedingwillow96)
[video]
The strongest ‘pound for pound’ muscle is the uterus: it weighs around 2 pounds but during childbirth can exert a downward force of 400 Newtons, which is one hundred times as strong as gravity and equivalent to the power in a fully extended modern longbow.
Gentlemen.
A FULLY EXTENDED MODERN LONGBOW GEE GREAT THANKS NOW ALL I SEE IS A WOMAN FIRING A FUCKING BABY OUT OF HER UTERUS AT AN ARCHERY TARGET
(via bleedingwillow96)
it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”
#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you
(Source: pussylipsmackingood, via bleedingwillow96)
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