[video]
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT ACTUALLY
THIS MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY
he was 100% against preaching to unwilling people, too, and all for bringing religion into the lives of those who wanted it. he would often say that those who pray loudly in front of others were the worst kind of believers
what a cool dude
it makes me sad when people mischaracterize jesus like he was literally the nicest dude ever like he could be anyones bff if he tried because he was so rad like
i hate christians who make him seem rude like lol no stopvYES YES YES.
this is because the pharisees would go out into public, get on their knees, and pray where everyone could see them.
because they wanted everyone to see how good they were and how pious, because they were sort of religious authority.
but jesus came and told people to do the opposite, because he wanted them to be humble.
because God wants you to be devoted to a relationship with Him, not to be devoted to making sure others think highly of you.
jesus also encouraged people to do good deeds quietly, or even anonymously.
because he wanted you to do good deeds for the sake of others, not for how good it’ll make you feel or for others to praise you.
jesus was the absolute coolest and i fucking hate it when anyone points fingers at a certain group of people and says “GOD HATES-” NO HE DOESN’T.
THAT WAS HIS WHOLE THING. HE LITERALLY LOVED EVERYONE. ????
This is the type of Christianity and Christians that I like.
Jesus literally told a story where he was like
“You see this asshole praying aloud how he’s so awesome and pious? Fuck that guy. You see that tax collector hiding in the corner asking for forgiveness and not being a dickbag? That guy’s cool.”
I DON’T SEE MANY POSTS DEFENDING THE RIGHT WAY TO ACT AS A CHRISTAIN AND ACTUALLY AKNOWLEDGES THE FACT THAT THERE AREBAD/FAKE CHRISTAINS IN THE WORLD SO IM REALLY HAPPYThe world would be a better place if Christians paid attention to canon!Jesus rather than fanon!Jesus, yes.
A) Canon!Jesus and Fanon!Jesus is my new favorite distinction and I’m totally fucking using that.
B) THANK FUCKING CHRIST FOR THIS POST (no pun intended).
C) I will ALWAYS reblog ‘how to be an actual legitimate Christian posts’ because I’ve spent literal years trying to explain this shit to people and I’m so relieved that someone actually gets it.
(Source: did-you-kno, via lathori)
Anonymous asked: whoa ok step back, daedalus built a cow suit for a woman who wanted to fuck a bull and that's why the minotaur WAS A THING? I DID NOT KNOW THIS
I honestly think that I’d be doing you a great disservice if I didn’t tell you about the time Daedalus enabled rampant bestiality, so allow me to clear this gap in your knowledge.
Anyone who doesn’t want to read a poorly retold myth about a man who built a cow suit so realistic that it totally fooled a magic bull into laying down some absolutely quality homo-bovine dick and siring a minotaur should probably press J on their keyboard right now, but honestly if that synopsis doesn’t do it for you then you should probably just quit Greek mythology all together.
So, Minos is this guy who manages to achieve the dual feat of being both King of Crete and an incorrigible asshole. Also, the first achievement is a really tenuous one, because Minos has like a billion brothers and he’s basically Malcolm in the Middle and all his brothers are better looking than him and they have way better abs and it’s really awkward every year at Christmas because they’re all “could you pass the stuffing, Minos? Also you’re totally stuffed because I’m going to be king one day haha suck it, right on” and so Minos starts to get really worried that he’s going to lose the throne to one of his more lustrous-locked brothers and then he’ll be stuck with just the one achievement of being an incorrigible asshole and so he has a little brood and he comes up with a plan.
One day, he goes up to Poseidon, god of the sea and all things wet (or at least that’s what he tells girls at the Olympus nightclubs) and he’s like “hey, Poseidon, could you do me a solid?” and Poseidon is like “no bro but I can do you a liquid” and they have a little manly giggle and then Minos says “no but really, I need a favour” and Poseidon is like “well, you just gave me a golden opportunity to mock the states of matter, I’m 100% up for doing any favour you want” and Minos says “well, you know how I have loads of brothers” and Poseidon is like “you mean the better looking ones?” and Minos pouts and says “looks aren’t everything, but yes, those ones” and Poseidon is like “go on” and Minos says “well, I need them to stop trying to steal the throne because it’s getting really annoying and also I can’t sleep at night any more and it’s driving my hot wife insane, could you maybe show that you totally support me being King of Crete? That way, they’ll definitely stop being dicks at Christmas” and Poseidon just nods and says “I have a great idea for how I can do this”
and Minos is like “wow, are you going to send down an army of merpeople and slaughter all my brothers in a righteous and watery battle?” and Poseidon is like “no” and Minos says “are you going to conjure up a giant tidal wave and make it destroy all my brothers’ homes but leave my palace totally intact?” and Poseidon is like “no” and Minos says “well, are you going to turn all my brothers into mermen?” and Poseidon is like “look, I’m going to send you a bull”
and Minos just blinks and says “a bull” and Poseidon nods and grins and says “yes, a bull” and Minos says “THAT’S bull” and Poseidon points behind him and says “no, THAT’S a bull” and then he brings out this fucking phenomenal bull. Like, this bull puts all other bulls to shame. It’s glowing white and it’s as big as two ordinary bulls and probably twice as virile. It’s basically overcompensation in taurine form. Anyway, this bull is so bitchin’ that immediately, all of Minos’ brothers are like “wow, nope, you can keep that throne, we don’t want Poseidon to sic his sick bull on us” and basically Minos lives happily ever after with his incredible bull.
Until eventually Poseidon shows up at Minos’ palace and says “hey, Minos, you know that really awesome bull I lent you a while back?” and Minos is like “what bull” and Poseidon is like “the magical snow white bull which gleamed in the Cretan sun like limestone and Apollo’s cheekbones” and Minos is like “oh, THAT bull” and Poseidon is like “yes, that bull, now where is it because I’m having a bull party next week and I really want it back” and Minos says “well, here’s the thing, and it’s kind of a funny story really and I’m sure we’ll laugh about it later, maybe we could even laugh about it now, ha, but anyway all jokes aside I’m keeping the bull” and Poseidon is all “like fuck you’re keeping that bull, it’s my best bull, this is bullshit” and Minos is like “that’s one of the hazards of keeping a bull, maybe you’re not cut out for it” and Poseidon says “you haven’t heard the end of this, Minos, you have made a very powerful and watery enemy” and he leaves and Minos goes and, like, pets the bull or something, I don’t know what you do with bulls.
So, Poseidon goes back to his soggy lair and formulates a plan, and he eventually comes up with something straight out of Quentin Tarantino’s brie-induced nightmares. He goes to find Aphrodite, the goddess of love and afternoon delight, and says “hey Aphrodite, first of all you look delectable and secondly I need you to help me make a woman bang a bull” and Aphrodite is like “I honestly hate this job sometimes, but you’re right, I do look delectable, tell me more” and Poseidon is like “I had this really sweet bull and I lent it to Minos so he would think I liked him and now he won’t give it back and so I need you to make his wife fall in love with the bull, it’s a foolproof vengeance plan” and Aphrodite says “you are a god” and Poseidon says “yes” and Aphrodite says “why can’t you just, you know, take back the bull with your divine power?” and Poseidon is like “look, are you going to make this woman fall in love with the bull or not” and Aphrodite is like “fuck yes, that sounds hilarious, consider it done and I want front row seats” and Poseidon is like “you are my favourite niece and occasional lover, I owe you one”
Back to the palace at Crete, where Minos’ wife, Pasiphaë, is lounging about on a contemporary equivalent to a chaise-lounge when she suddenly gets this unmistakable urge to do the do with a bull - but not just any bull, her loins quiver only for the bull in her husband’s barnyard. Instead of doing what most people would do when they realise they have an insatiable urge to make tender love to a bull and immediately committing herself to months of therapy, she thinks “I know what I have to do” and she picks up the contemporary equivalent of a phone and calls Daedalus, inventor and architect extraordinaire.
She’s all “hey, Daedalus, we have patient confidentiality, right?” and Daedalus is like “I’m not your doctor, so no” and she’s like “well, I’m your Queen, so how about you say ‘yes’ instead and I tell you what I want?” and Daedalus is like “my lips are sealed, tell me what you need” and she’s all “well, there’s this really rad guy and I totally want to just lay him down and lick chocolate sauce off his body, but there’s a hitch in my plan” and Daedalus says “yeah, you’re married” and Pasiphaë says “yes, and also he’s a bull” and Daedalus is like “do you mean he’s well hung or” and Pasiphaë is like “look man you gotta help me on this, I need me some sweet bullocking and only you can help me” and Daedalus says “I’ll do what I can, but I hope you have a damn good shower at your palace because I may need to use it for about 6 weeks afterwards” and she’s like “done, now get over here and get me some”
So Daedalus turns up and helps her, and in the blink of an eye, he’s built her this monstrous wooden cow suit. Now, the myth is not exactly clear on the mechanics of this bovine sex toy, but it’s established that Pasiphaë gets into the cow suit and goes to find her bullock beau and they make sweet, sweet cattle love all day and all night. I do not know how she manoeuvres herself inside this wooden furry abomination and frankly I do not want to know, but whatever she does is 100% successful because 9 months later she gives birth to another furry abomination. The good news is that he’s a healthy, bouncing baby boy. The bad news is that he is half baby and half bull and also he has this really annoying habit that most newborns don’t have of eating people, which means that Minos is the definition of Not Impressed with his new stepson, so he does what any sane human would do in this situation, and he calls Daedalus.
Daedalus says “I’m in the shower, what do you want?” and Minos is like “look, my wife has committed a slight indiscretion and I need you to take care of the result” and Daedalus is like “she fucked a bull and she’s had a grotesque hybrid baby, hasn’t she” and Minos narrows his eyes and says “how do you know?” and Daedalus says “just a stab in the dark, mate, I had no hand in this at all, literally none, just let me wash my hands a minute and I’ll be right back” and Minos is like “just build something to trap that devil spawn, because it’s started to eat my servants and I never even wanted a stepson anyway, it’s just one more claim to the throne isn’t it” and Daedalus is like “dude, give me a week and it’ll be done”
and so Daedalus constructs this impenetrable labyrinth that’s so impregnable that Daedalus nearly gets lost on the way out, and they lob the minotaur tot right into the middle of it, and that’s that.
Except then the minotaur starts demanding the sacrifice of seven young men every year, who are tossed into the labyrinth and forced to play a fatal game of cat and mouse with a grotesque superpowered man-bull creature that will ultimately devour them, flesh from bone, at the heart of a labyrinth that only he can navigate, but that’s a story for another myth. Or The Maze, starring Dylan O’Brien, out in a multiplex near you.
![fuckyeahzarry:
“ Alex Yrigoyen’s mission statement on GoFundMe:
“ “Shortly after hearing of [Leelah’s] death, I made a post on my blog offering to donate 3 boxes worth of clothes I don’t wear anymore along with make-up and wigs to trans women who are...](http://68.media.tumblr.com/8446c060f8fffdd6e25fc13bb8674edc/tumblr_nhfqpohPgb1rnntmfo1_500.png)
Alex Yrigoyen’s mission statement on GoFundMe:
“Shortly after hearing of [Leelah’s] death, I made a post on my blog offering to donate 3 boxes worth of clothes I don’t wear anymore along with make-up and wigs to trans women who are unable to express their gender identities in a way that makes them comfortable due to a lack of finances or unsupportive parents, similar to Leelah’s. I received over 4 dozen requests from trans women who were in dire need of necessities and twice as many requests from people who wanted to help my cause by donating their clothes in a matter of a couple hours. I didn’t think what I offered would become so popular and that’s when I realized I had the potential to start something big, something that could change the lives of thousands for the better. I realized I could help Leelah’s death mean something.
I had just finished packing a 3rd package when I decided I would call my project “The Leelah Project”, a cause that helps underprivileged trans women receive the necessesities they need to express their gender identities the way they want to. But I need help. I want to expand who I help by including all trans and genderqueer people, but with my limited supply and finances, I can’t do that. This is what this GoFundMe is about.I want to start out by helping 500 trans and genderqueer people; 250 trans women and feminine nonbinary people, and 250 trans men and masculine nonbinary people. I want to supply them with much more than a dress and nail polish. I want to supply the men with binders to bind their breasts and women with bras, gel inserts, and panties to help them tuck better. I want to create care packages that I can send to underprivileged trans people in need of my help. That’s what “The Leelah Project” is about; helping trans people to be who they are.
I need to raise $40,250 if I want to be able to supply 500 trans people with these care packages.
Please help me reach this goal. Please help me to ensure that Leelah didn’t die in vain.”
If you would like a package, here is a link to the project’s tumblr. They have a email set up for inquiries at theleelahproject@gmail.com and I’m sure you can contact Alex through tumblr itself. As of right now, they offer small and medium feminine clothing, but they are working on making sure they’ll have larger options soon. (You are also able to select the makeup you’d like from a few different options!) And, finally, there is discrete shipping options if need be.
If you would like to donate, here is the link for the GoFundMe!
Examples of what your donation could provide include:
$2: a lipstick and mascara set, or men’s deodorant
$6: a pack of bras, a ‘stand to pee’ device or shipping for a package
$10: control briefs or a summer dress
$30: a summer dress, blouse and top, or a binder to conceal breasts
or, if you’re able to be extra generous $79 or $82 dollars will cover a complete male or female care package
(To donate clothes or personal items I believe you can go to the How Can I Help? page on The Leelah Project’s tumblr and contact Alex personally at theleelahproject@gmail.com.)
(Source: harrystylesdaily, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Why “good cops” don’t tell on bad cops: They lose their careers and are often harassed by their co-workers, until they quit. Create/Enforce mandatory reporting, and fire cops who fail to report the misdeeds of their co-workers.
This Black woman did the right thing and got punished for it. Hope it makes the #NotAllCops crowd happy to see an actual good cop, but notice their asses are not fighting for her pension. She’s the wrong color, amirite? They are too busy tweeting at us and filling our inboxes with their fake outrage.
(Source: vivaladivatracy, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
i love you
(Source: stfueverything, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
this is the most innocent yak i have ever seen. this lifted my spirits a little.
One time my brother tried to yank away my “towel hat”, and was promptly horrified when I yelled in pain.
“I didn’t know your hair was IN there!!” he cried.
Boys.
WAIT YOURE HAIR IS IN THE TWISTY PART?!
Oh dear
(Source: avobeeb, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
we’re literally random people around the world sitting on the internet telling bad jokes to each other why the fuck is this the most important thing i’ve got going on
(via anacfranco)
Reblog for a pun in your ask. I will do every singe one.
I did not lie, I have done over 130 of them.
HOLY ASS CRACK
see, i am God
16K NOTES AND I GOT ONE??? HOW THE HELL-
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
