[video]
The computer said my next patient’s name was Lucifer, and that he was a domestic. Not that an unusual name for a pet, I have to admit.
“Come on in. Do you have Lucifer hiding in that box for me?” I say. A gentleman dressed all in black with a rather spiky aesthetic and a selection of piercings comes into my consult room and opens the box.
He places a perfectly black rabbit on the table.
Honestly, I had been expecting a cat.
Turns out Lucifer is his new rabbit. He’d insisted on taking it from a friend who wasn’t taking care of it a few months ago.
Lucifer, for his part, had decided the table was too scary and that his dad’s leather clad armpit was the best place to be.
To my surprise and delight, our new goth rabbit owner is doing everything right. Perfect diet, read up on rabbit health, vaccinating, enrichment, the works.
He even started a vegetable garden to grow treats for the rabbit, or as he put it, “tributes for lucifer.”
I….. I love this …..
(via clockwork-mockingbird)
Steve Rogers gets himself an Instagram and follows Dwayne Johnson, as one does.
The Rock posts one of his giant breakfast pictures, as he is wont to do.
Steve, lil shit that he is, responds with HIS enormous breakfast, insinuating that perhaps Dwayne Johnson’s breakfast isn’t actually all that much food and if he ate THAT he’d be hungry in, like, an hour.
It goes on like that, for WEEKS, good-natured teasing about how much food they eat spilling over into Twitter and callouts during interviews.
Until they agree to have breakfast together, and the last post about it is just a picture of the two of them, lying flat on the Rock’s living room floor with his dog sniffing at Steve’s head, both of them with big hands splayed over their bellies like they can’t possibly fit any more.
Neither will say who actually can eat more – every time they’re asked, they start in on how awesome the other is and how much respect they have for each other and how glad they are that they got to become friends.
This is everything I have ever wanted.
The first video on the Rock’s instagram gets posted at 4:15 AM – this is not uncommon, nor is the fact that he’s walking around his brightly-lit Iron Paradise. It’s more the bouncing that’s unusual.
“You know what the BEST THING about being buddies with CAPTAIN AMERICA is? Yesterday I got to meet the motherfucking Falcon. That’s right, SAM WILSON was here, was right here! I asked him what it was like to fly, and he grinned at me and then we did like, an hour and a half of planks and v-sits and he had me hanging from the TRX to hold planks and I swear I was shaking halfway through and he just laughed and said, ‘now imagine you have a couple rockets strapped to your ass, now you flyin.’ and I’m tellin’ you, THAT MAN is a fucking ROCK, it was amazing.”
The camera swings around to the barbell setups before coming back to Dwayne’s face. “He also told me that Steve Rogers knows almost nothing about weightlifting and Steve agreed he’s got no idea where his PR might be, so today is gonna be LEG DAY. My entire torso is fuckin’ killing me, but this is gonna be AWESOME. Stay tuned, y’all.”
The second video of the day comes in the afternoon; Dwayne looks exhausted but Steve Rogers looks plenty fresh and also a combination of sheepish and smug.
Dwayne opens with a deadpan, “Leg day.”
“I learned so much!” Steve is enthusiastic, almost bouncy. “This guy is a great teacher.”
“He also,” and the video pans around to the barbell setups seen earlier in the day, “broke my motherfucking gym.”
The thick barbell in the middle of the floor is wickedly bent, standing on its own in an inverted V. All of the big metal plates are scattered around the floor instead of on the racks, and several dumbbells are also twisted into odd shapes. One of the biggest weight plates is buried high in the far wall, only about half of it sticking out, like a giant ninja had thrown a shuriken.
“Don’t worry, Dwayne, we’ll figure out my deadlift PR eventually,” Steve’s voice comes from behind the camera.
“Man, fuck you,” Dwayne can be heard before the video cuts out.
The weight plate stays up in the brick wall; Dwayne doesn’t actually tell anyone that he’d asked if Steve could do that so he’d have a souvenir.
(via clockwork-mockingbird)
My favorite thing about Dungeons & Dragons is how fucking quickly people become ride-or-die bitches with each other
no lie i had a campaign where I tried playing a really chaotic neutral “leave me alone” rouge and ended up attached at the hip to our monk who couldn’t roll higher than a natural 10 to literally save his life bc in our first encounter he called my character “a nice lass” and that was all it took
(Source: lesbiantsu, via clockwork-mockingbird)
update: they’re now playing all-star by smash mouth, this starbucks is run by a bunch of meme loving fucks“what’s new pussycat” is playing in the starbucks right now im yellin g
tHE BARISTA IS SMIRKING OKAY THIS WAS 100% INTENTIONAL
there’s a table of girls laughing and singing along holy shit they knOW
the baristas are feigning innocence i canno t believe this im living a real life salt n pepper diner experience right now
i realize i put a lot of information in the tags of the first post so let me reiterate: it was definitely playing on a loop. it looped at least 4 times before the girls at the table caught on and started teasing the baristas about it
and………. now it’s what’s new pussycat again
(Source: mochikara, via clockwork-mockingbird)
chillin on a Saturday night
Calm down jojo
you’re right, I am looking a little stiff here, I should try to relax
You call that “chillin”?
Everyone knows the best way to relax is with a good book and a warm drink
I dunno, man,
sometimes I like just relaxing on my laptop
get on my level boys
Unfortunately to “get on your level” I’d need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes.
(via thepainofthesass)
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@lathoricaesar
a lot of people think caesar was hot and while he’s probably one hell of a power bottom (every woman’s husband and every man’s wife as the romans said), he also apparently was really weirdly obsessed with removing all of his body hair?? i mean clearly he got around so he was probably bangable but i don’t know how i feel about this. VI/X isn’t being bald on top of your head enough for you juliusmark antony
do i even need to talk about mark antony? he’s ancient rome’s greatest slut and proud of it, you know he’s bangable. just don’t marry him because you never know when he’ll end up divorcing you and becoming an enemy of the state so he can hang out with cleopatra. X/X slut machinebrutus
honestly historical brutus was kind of a turd and his pillow talk is probably really depressing because he feels all this pressure to be like his king-banishin’ monarchy-smashin’ republic-foundin’ super-ancestor. like ‘waaaah i gotta go kill caesar because blah blah republic’ the republic was failing anyway who cares can we talk about something other than your inferiority complex. II/X extorting provinces isn’t sexy, brutuspompey the great
i guess pompey might have been sexy at one point in his youth but every time i think of him i can’t help but laugh at this stupid fake alexander the great hair and that doesn’t really make him very bangable in my eyes. IV/X please stop with the weird alexander fanboy thingcrassus
let’s be real, crassus probably only has sex in the missionary position and almost definitely comes first. he’s got all that money but is it worth it??? III/X probably still worth the money thoughclodius pulcher
his name literally means clodius hot boi so like, there’s not even an argument there, you know this guy is smokin. the only problem is that he was a TREMENDOUS dumbass half of the time and loved to pull shit like sneaking into women-only festivals like an idiot so you just have to watch out for his nonsense. IX/X bang him and leave before he does something sacrilegious and gets you condemned to tartaruscicero
alright, now i know some of you are reading this and immediately thinking “sarah thoodleoo, please tell me you’re not going to say cicero is bangable because that is one step too far even for you,” but i need you to hear me out, okay? first of all, cicero is an orator so you know he’s good with his tongue. second, he was named a pater patriae, so you know he’s daddy material. maybe he’s not the best bang in the late republic, but he’s not the worst either. V/X i’m sorry if i made you unwillingly think of cicero as a daddy but in fairness this isn’t the first time i’ve said that so i don’t know what you expectedcato the younger
like having sexy with crassus but with none of the money and all of the extra discomfort of listening to him rant about the good ol days while you’re trying to sleep and not think about how dissatisfied you are. -I/X stoic more like stoi-ick
(via ifeelbetterer)
