[video]
I AM SCREAMING AND CRYING
Oh god, my ovaries. Chris Pratt + Baby Raptors is too much. I can’t survive that.
This is literally everything I wanted out of that single sequence YES.
FUCK YEAH
please tell me this means the raptors imprinted on him and that’s why they were running with him on the motorbike please please please give me dino mom chris pratt
I want this more than I have ever wanted anything dinosaur-related in my entire life and that includes the Brachiosaurus I wanted to ride into battle as a child. o.o
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
quotes of the day to motivate me:
“work until your bank account looks like a phone number"$9.11
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
netflix knows what’s up
(Source: aggressivelylazy, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
i apparently go to bird school
which is for birdsgODDAMNIT this post always getS TINY FUCKING BURSTS OF notes when will the carnage stop
(Source: wuffers, via starwarsisgay)
what makes you think that jesus, a man murdered by police, would support darren wilson
OH SHIT
(Source: veawile, via awwhawkeye)
“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”
“no, i said she was fucking goofy”
please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
(Source: estpolis, via awwhawkeye)
[video]
the best pranks are the super harmless ones
like why would you pull someones pants down in public or like put them in danger or humiliate them when you can just baffle them by leaving tiny plastic camels all over their house or taping bill cosby’s face over every single face in every picture in their house?
Last year the seniors had a mariachi band follow the principle for 3 hours
Confuse, don’t abuse ;)
MY NEW MOTTO
(via starwarsisgay)
Source For more posts like this, follow the Ultrafacts Blog!
This is what happens there.
I can tell you.
ALRIGHT BITCHES I’M A BIT LATE TO THIS POST BUT FUCKING WHATEVER
THIS MAN IS BRIAN KIDD AND HE GOES BY THE UNIPIPER AND HE IS THE ABSOLUTE SHIT. IN 2005 WHILE STUDYING MARINE BIOLOGY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA, HE WAS LEARNING TO PLAY THE BAGPIPES AND FOUND A UNICYCLE IN A MOTHERFUCKING DUMPSTER. SO WHAT DOES HE DO? HE FUCKING TAKES THE UNICYCLE AND LEARNS HOW TO RIDE IT.
IN 2007 HE IS WORKING AT A PAID INTERNSHIP AT AN AQUARIUM IN THE OUTER BANKS OF NORTH CAROLINA. HE IS PERFORMING AT WEDDINGS AS A BAGPIPER BECAUSE, SURPRISE SURPRISE, HE WAS THE ONLY ONE FOR HIRE. ONE NIGHT HIM AND HIS MARINE FRIENDS ARE GETTING DRUNK AND HE THINKS “would it be cool if I rode a unicyle AND played bagpipes? shit I mean I guess” AND HE FUCKING DID IT. ALSO THIS MAN JUST SO FUCKING HAPPENS TO HAVE A FRIEND WHO REALLY LIKES FIRE. SO THEY GAVE HIM THE MOTHERFUCKING HOOK UP.HE STARTS RIDING AROUND THE STRIPS IN THE EVENINGS AND IS LIKE “shit son I be making so much money”. AT THE END OF 2007 HE MOVED TO PORTLAND OR AND STARTED PERFORMING AT RESTAURANTS, WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, AND FARMERS MARKETS
IN 2010 HE WAS LIKE “I’m gonna audition for America’s Got Talent. With a Darth Vader Mask. Playing the Imperial March”. BUT FUCKING SHOW DIRECTORS WERE LIKE “We don’t think we can get the rights for that song” SO HE HAD TO JUST DO HIS THING OF PLAYING BAGPIPES. DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT. NEXT YEAR, AUDITIONED IN SEATTLE WITH CHANGING HATS AND ROUTINES. STILL DIDN’T MAKE IT. HOWEVER THE INTERNET TOOK HIM BY STORM AND PORTLAND RECOGNIZES HIM AS OUR MASCOT.
THIS GUY GOT MARRIED TO THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE (her name is Sarah) IN A KILT BECAUSE “She has a thing for men in Kilts”WHAT A BAMF. HE SO GETTING LAID. (note:The mask was only for this picture, everything else was traditional)
HIS FIRST OUTFIT WAS SANTA, BUT HE IS MOST FAMOUS FOR DARTH VADER, AND AT ONE POINT UNIPIPED DOWN THE STREETS. DURING A FLOOD. AS GANDALF. THE MOTHERFUCKING GREY
I WAS IN LINE FOR PORTLAND CITY COMIC CON LAST FEBRUARY. NEVER BEEN TO A COMIC CON, STANDING IN LINE ALONE IN MY SHITTY ASS COSPLAY. ALL THE FUCKING SUDDEN BAGPIPES START BLARING AND THIS MAN. THIS GLORIOUS MAN IN A DARTH VADER HELMET AND KILT, STARTS PLAYING THE BAGPIPES ON A UNICYCLE. HE JUST FUCKING SHOWS UP AND STARTS WRECKING SHIT UP. HE STARTS WITH THE STAR WARS THEME, EVERYBODY GET HYPED. HE TAKES A BREAK FOR A MOMENT, GETS BACK ON, AND STARTS PLAYING THE MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN THEME. IN THIS GET UP. AND THAT’S WHEN THE FLAMES STARTED. SHIT WAS SO REAL.
ALSO HE IS UBER HOT JUST LOOK AT HIMALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS HE IS A BAMF AND WE LOVE HIM AND GOSH WHAT AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING. KEEP PORTLAND FUCKING WEIRD, YOU BEAUTIFUL SON OF A BITCH.
HE IS THE BEST THOUGH I HAVE ONLY SEEN HIM ONCE. I WAS DOWNTOWN WANDERING AROUND WITH SOME PEEPS AND WE HERE THIS GLORIOUS SOUND OF BAGPIPES FROM LIKE 20 BLOCKS AWAY BECAUSE THOSE FUCKERS ARE LOUD. THEN THIS AWESOME SONOFABITCH COMES UNICYCLING DOWN LIKE A BOSS WITH HIS FLAMES. BEST DAY EVER
(via starwarsisgay)
