I think it’s really insulting that westerners talk about communism. y'all had it too good and now y'all are being spoiled little brats. let me talk to you about the women and men executed and how their bodies were thrown out of trains and the basic food being rationed so harshly that we actually started black markets for fucking sugar and oil and let me talk to you about how they used to spy on everyone, we had mikes in our homes, how they made kids rat on each other and how controlled the education was. lights went out at 7. my parents used to study by a candle. everything. was. controlled. everyone. was. oppressed.
# DESTROY TUMBLR’S UNAPOLOGETIC ROMANTICISING OF COMMUNISM 2K15 TBH
#the fastest way to make me lose all respect for you is if you’re one of the tumblr shitbabies who romanticizes communism #my grandfather was the only member of his family who survived the russian revolution #he hid in the family crypt and had to listen to the sounds of the bolsheviks slaughtering his whole family #women and children too #all shot execution style because they owned a tiny farm in what is now ukraine #the members of his extended family were all sent to gulags and we only know they were even there because we found records of their deaths #so don’t fucking come in here with your pop communism nonsense #not when my family has suffered under it #not when the families of millions #billions of people #have suffered for something you think is a cute and edgy way to rebel #go fuck yourselves honestly you ignorant pieces of shit #i consider myself a socialist but there is a huge fucking difference between socialist policies as implemented today in sweden etc. #and the utter living horror that was life under communism #stay classy tumblr
(Source: sapphicsavage, via lupinatic)
You are an anonymous professional assassin with a perfect reputation. You lead an ordinary life outside of your work. You’ve just been hired to kill yourself.
My first thought is that the middle man I use–calls himself ‘Leader’, real name Brett Thompson, 46, balding, lives in PA–has uncovered my identity. Why else would I be staring down at a picture of my own face? I think it’s a warning, that he knows about the Sanchez job, and I nearly reach for my go bag.
Then I see the client’s name.
Vi Larson, the file tells me, male, 32, computer analyst.
I close the manila folder, tossing it away from me. The whiskey sour’s gone warm in my hand, but I drink it down anyway, eyes distant. I don’t need to read any more of the file. I can fill in the gaps well enough.
Funnily enough, this betrayal is just as sharp and unpleasant as the first one, the one that got me into this business in the first place.
“You at least owe me a crime of passion, you bastard,” I mutter into my drink. I close my eyes and sigh, willing away the stinging in my heart. I knew that my relationship was in trouble, but this is just cold.
In a way, I can’t believe it. Is a divorce really that hard? But, no, I know Vi. He’s methodical, analytical, and competent. If anything, hiring an assassin with a reputation like mine is right in line with his personality. Nothing but the best, even in the murder game.
I should be flattered, really. My rates aren’t cheap. Whatever I did to make him send this in–and he did, there’s his social security, his fingerprint, everything–it must have been killer.
I set my glass down on the counter and tuck the folder under my arm. I need to think and I do my best thinking in the tub. Vi won’t be back from his “business” trip for another three days, during which I’m supposed to kill myself.
As I head up the stairs, I can’t help but laugh. Finally, after three years of marriage, my husband does something interesting. And it breaks my fucking heart.
——————————————
He wants me to make it painless but horrific. There’s a script in the document, something that’s more common than people think, and it’s hard to read it, even surrounded by bubbles and soothing music.
“Your husband sent me. Said he needed to shed some dead weight.” I snort at the pun and close my eyes, resting the file against my face so it doesn’t get wet. Unfortunately, the tears do that anyway.
“Fuck,” I say. “You bastard.”
You live in a world where magic exists, however, you must sacrifice a memory in order to cast a spell. The more memories, or the more precious a memory, the more powerful the magic. You just woke up with no memory save a name.
(via bonehandledknife)
i love prince eric. from the little mermaid. he’s hilarious. because he seems like one of the most mild-mannered and unassuming princes in the disney canon, but he is also one of the few to actively kill the bad guy. most disney villains die by consequence of the final battle but are not directly killed by the hero/heroine. most of them fall to their deaths or cause their own demise, and sometimes the hero is indirectly responsible because they’ll launch them into that direction or something, but they still don’t bring knife to heart directly.
but then a couple do. and prince eric is my fave out of those few because up until the final act, he is the most chill motherfucker u ever seen. like he is quick to spring to action during the storm scene n stuff, but otherwise? he’s really quiet n sensitive and runs along the beach playing the flute for his big shaggy dog n he smiles like a lil nerd and gets all cute around ariel and he’s so sweet n everything.
AND THEN IN THE FINAL BATTLE THAT MOTHERFUCKER STRAIGHT UP DRIVES A SHIP THROUGH URSULA LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!! NO WONDER NO ONE IS TRYIN TO LAY SIEGE TO HIS KINGDOM!! ALL THE NEIGHBOURS ARE LIKE “HOLY SHIT DON’T GO THERE! PRINCE ERIC IS A BEAST! HE’LL STRAIGHT UP DRIVE A BOAT THROUGH YOUR BITCH!”
i love him
At the beginning of the movie Prince Eric, without hesitation, jumps into the ocean, in the middle of a storm, and climbs onto a ship that’s on fire, all to rescue his dog.
Then when he’s convinced some mystery woman saved him, he starts looking for her just to thank her. On his way, he meets some mute naked teenage girl who can’t even walk or dress herself, confirms that she’s not the girl he’s looking for, then brings her to stay at his castle anyway, for no particular reason.
No one questions this, just like they don’t question when he shows up three days later with a mysterious woman one morning and says he’s getting married that same day. At said wedding, several witnesses see his fiance turn into a sea monster, which he then murders by piloting a submerged ship pulled up from the bottom of the ocean straight into her.
A week later, he marries the mute girl and the god of the sea himself rises from the ocean to give his blessings. Again, no one questions this.
I’m convinced that Eric had to have done some crazy insane stunts on a regular basis, cause despite him being so chill and relaxed normally, no one bats an eyelash at any of his ridiculous decisions or incredible feats during the course of the film. Clearly they’re all used to it, and rumours of him marrying an ocean princess would only dissuade potential enemies of his country even further.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
[video]
singelisilverslippers asked: i don't even go here, but your fave borgias pairing (something with lucrezia maybe?) and 16. 'Do you trust me?'
It is past midnight in her brother’s rooms, and said brother is naked beneath her, his hands gripping her waist like she is the only thing tethering him to the universe, when the door bursts open.
Cesare jerks up, and she dives for a blanket–but it is only Micheletto. “His Holiness is on his way,” Micheletto says urgently, looking straight at Cesare. “He will not be stopped.”
Cesare swears, and Lucrezia looks frantically about the room–there are too many pieces of her toilette to possibly gather up in time–her chemise, her gold slippers, the purple gown and the sleeves she so recklessly tore off–there is no chance she can gather it up before her father gets here. She cannot leave her brother’s rooms half-dressed, either.
“Hide in the wardrobe,” Cesare orders, coming to the same conclusion. “I shall say I had a woman, that she has left, but will–return.”
Lucrezia shakes her head frantically–there is too much risk that her father will recognize the gown, which he gave her, the ruby-edged pearls she stupidly plucked from her hair and left in a careless pile on the floor, the net Giulia complimented her on only that morning.
“Do you trust me,” Micheletto says suddenly. He must be addressing Cesare, but he is looking at her, familiar, loyal Micheletto, his face white with some unknown emotion.
“We do,” Lucrezia answers him in a frightened whisper, and Micheletto gives her a jerky nod.
“Into the wardrobe, my lord,” he says, and then Lucrezia understands. Cesare rocks back like Micheletto has struck him–like a loyal dog has bit him–but there is no time.
“Go,” she begs, and Cesare goes, his jaw clenched tight.
Micheletto kicks off his boots and joins her in the bed. She tugs him down over her, so his weight covers her like a shield. She runs her fingers through his hair, tugs at his clothing so he will appear a little more debauched. Micheletto’s hands settle awkwardly on her forearms, and his eyes are grave and open only a few inches from hers.
She kisses him harshly, biting his lip so he will appear as kissed as she is, and worries. She will tell her father this is none of his affair. She will tell him Cesare has no idea, that Cesare spends the night with a mistress of his own. She will be outraged, then humiliated, then penitent. Her father will forgive her this, as he could never forgive her true sin.
She can hear footsteps in the corridor now, and it occurs to her all at once that Micheletto will not be forgiven. Her father will insist that Cesare dispose of him, one way or another. His hands tighten on her bare forearms.
“Trust us,” she whispers against Micheletto’s mouth just as the door bursts open, and what she means is we will protect you.
I don’t even go here, but I want the 10k comedy of errors that leads to and from this point.LOL
I realize that you probably meant this rhetorically, BUT I’m gonna tell myself a story about how this would go anyway:
So the Pope would throw an absolute fit at the idea of Cesare’s assassin having congress with his precious daughter (who was just about to receive an offer of marriage from the Duke of Ferrara! The timing could not be worse!), and so he’d demand that Cesare either fire Micheletto or kill Micheletto.
What Cesare actually does is get Micheletto out of Rome by promoting him. No longer an assassin-manservant, Micheletto is now a reluctant general of the papal armies. Cesare and Micheletto go tramping gleefully around the Romagna carving out new territory, and instead of demanding new states for himself, Cesare cooly demands a barony for his loyal general.
Baron Corella can have an affair with the Lady Lucrezia Borgia, even if His Holiness still doesn’t approve.
AT THIS POINT Cesare and Micheletto return to Rome, where under the Pope’s disapproving eye Cesare and Lucrezia have to turn an illiterate murderer into a grudging, bitter courtier, at which point they UNDOUBTEDLY engage in more and more complex not-quite threesomes:
-Cesare and Lucrezia hide their affair by pretending that Lucrezia and Micheletto are continuing their affair, which means that the entire Vatican wanders around like “what does the Lady Lucrezia–who famously chose her last husband because he was ‘sweet as apples’–see in this dead-eyed torturer with his peasant accent and his utter lack of graces?”
-Lucrezia starts publicly showering Micheletto with affection, partially to keep up the facade and partially to goad Cesare, who is super jealous
-Cesare and Micheletto have super passionate sparring sessions that end with Cesare’s blade at Micheletto’s throat and intense prolongued eye contact and heavy panting and Micheletto arching ever so slightly into the metal
-Micheletto very carefully reminds Cesare that he is into dudes, only dudes, just dudes
-Cesare somehow ends up sucking Micheletto off in a confessional as a way to restore his wounded masculinity??? by proving that Micheletto IS more into him than he is into Lucrezia
-Lucrezia poisons a man with Micheletto’s help, which makes Cesare even more jealous
-threesomes with Extremely Complicated Rules emerge
eventually the pope decides Lucrezia has to marry Micheletto, which SHOULD solve all of their problems but winds up causing fifty more.
[video]
NO BUT LIKE FOR REAL PAUL REVERE HAD SOME OF THE SHITTIEST HANDWRITING I HAVE EVER HAD TO READ. I KNOW HE PROBABLY DIDN’T EXPECT PEOPLE TO BE JUDGING HIM ON THAT DAMN NEAR 250 YEARS LATER BUT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE BECAUSE IT IS SOME CHICKENSCRATCH
LIKE THE ONLY REASON “PAUL REVERE BECAUSE OF HIS SHITTY HANDWRITING” ISN’T MY ANSWER TO “WHICH FOUNDING FATHER WOULD YOU USE A TIME MACHINE TO SMACK UPSIDE THE MOUTH” IS BECAUSE THOMAS JEFFERSON IS A PERSON WHO EXISTS
SOME OF YOU MIGHT BE ASKING YOURSELF, “WHAT ABOUT GEORGE WASHINGTON? WHY NOT SMACK HIM IN THE MOUTH?” AND I WILL TELL YOU WHY. I DO NOT HAVE A DEATH WISH AND THAT FUCKER WOULD KILL ME. I CAN TAKE NERDY WIMP T.J. IN A FIGHT BUT I AM NOT PUTTING MY HAND ANYWHERE NEAR THE MOUTH OF SOMEONE WHO WORE DENTURES MADE OF IVORY FROM A HIPPOPOTAMUS, THE WORLD’S DEADLIEST PREDATOR. ALSO MY MAN WAS LIKE SIX-FOOT-TWENTY AND I AM NOT VERY TALL SO I PROBABLY COULDN’T REACH HIS MOUTH ANYWAY.
WHY WOULD YOU NOT SLAP ANDREW JACKSON I KNOW HE ISNT A FOUNDING FATHER BUT SOME PEOPLE CONSIDER HIM TO BE
LOOK IF YOU WANT TO BE BLUDGEONED TO DEATH BY AN OLD MAN’S CANE, BE MY GUEST, BUT I DON’T WANT MY LAST MOMENTS TO BE TERRIFYING SO I’M GONNA AVOID A PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION WITH A GUY WHO, BLEEDING FROM A BULLET TO THE HEART, LITERALLY SHOT A MAN DEAD JUST BECAUSE THE DUDE CALLED HIM CHICKEN
ALSO HE IS NOT A FOUNDING FATHER SO HE IS NOT INCLUDED IN THIS
(via skymurdock)