“what will your kids think of that tattoo?”
my kids aren’t going to give 2 shits because i’m not going to raise them to be a judgmental asshole like your parents didi’m just going to reblog this over and over again until i give myself carpal tunnel
(Source: edroy, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
yo imma let you finish but
I had one of the best puberty transformations of all time
yes okay but
girls can do it too
Step back, peeps, and fasten your seat-belts. Time to bring in a puberty professional.
BEFORE PUBERTY:
After puberty:
…. wait. That’s not right. Hold on.
Let’s fast-forward about five more years.
Ah, yes, there we go. Right after I sold my soul to Satan.
fuckin
PLOT
TWIST
Naw son you can’t be hot in two genders you fucking cheated
this is my favorite post because its just people bragging about how hot they are
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
[video]
Being a nice person is so fun
Waiter messes something up? You can see the relief on their faces when you don’t scream and swear at them about it
Extra tickets at an arcade/prize place? Watch a little kid’s face light up when you give them a bunch of tickets
There are too many assholes in this world. Be a nice person.
(Source: grandma-pirate, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
CAUSE IT’S NINE IN THE AFTERNOON
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STUFF
I BOUGHT IT
MONTHS AGO
TRIED IT ONCE
I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE
IT WAS STICKY AND CEMENTED MY LIPS TOGETHER
IT GOT ON EVERYTHING
IT DIDN’T SUPER-STAY
I THREW IT INTO MY DRAWER WITHOUT ANOTHER THOUGHT
AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
HOPE IN MY HEART, PEACE IN MY SOUL, I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN
I READ THE DIRECTIONS
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SAW THE LIGHT
I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN WAS GONE
TURNS OUT
YOU HAVE TO PUT THE RED STUFF ON FIRST
WAIT FOR IT TO DRY
COMPLETELY (I MISSED THIS STEP BEFORE)
IT SHOULD BE SO DRY AND IF YOU KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, NO MARK SHOULD SHOW
AND THEN I PUT THE BALM ON (I ORIGINALLY TRIED PUTTING THE BALM ON FIRST…. DON’T DO THAT.)
AND IT GOT RID OF ALL THE STICKINESS
AND THE RED DOESN’T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE WHITE BALM
IT WAS A MIRACLE
THIS STUFF IS THE FUCKING BEST
IT STAYS ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME
IT DOESN’T GET ON ANYTHING
AMAZING I WANT TO BUY THIS IN FORTY SHADES OKAY I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO TRY IT
NO BUT DO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT REALLY DOES STAY ON FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME
AS IN, LONG ENOUGH TO FORCE YOU TO SCRUB IT OFF AT THE END OF THE DAY
THIS STUFF ISN’T FOR THE WEAK, THIS IS FOR THE POWERFUL BADASSES WHO WASH THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE ITS NOTHING
YO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THAT THING
THAT IS A DREAM COME TRUE BUT ALSO A NIGHTMARE LIKE
THIS IS ME JUST BEFORE WENT OUT THE WHOLE DAY
HELL YEAH I FELT HELLA CUTE AND POWERFUL RIGHT THIS IS THE POWER RED LIPSTICK HAS ON ME
WELL LATER I RETURN HOME AND CHANGE GLASSES AND WOWIE IT’S STILL THERE AWESOME
THEN JUST FOR SCIENCE I DECIDED TO SLEEP WITH IT OKAY
I WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY LIKE THIS
AND THEN AGAIN FOR SCIENCE, I DIDN’T RUB IT OFF AT THE SHOWER JUST TO SEE IF IT WAS WATERPROOF TOO AND
I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG WOULD THAT HAVE LASTED IF I DIDN’T TAKE IT OFF AFTER THAT PHOTO BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS MUST BE MADE OF THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES I ACCEPT NO OTHER EXPLANATION
BRB GOING TO THE STORE
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
today in choir the starting note for sopranos at was the first note of black parade and every single time the pianist pressed it my head along with like three other people shot up it’s like this is some weirdass emo programming and we’re doomed to black eyeliner hell
(Source: stansmarsh, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Whoever you are, you understand me on a deep level.
(Source: commander-cullywully, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE
IT’S LIKE THE WHO’S ON FIRST OF SCIENCE JOKES
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
