Headcanon that an outraged 6-year-old Charlie Weasley writes to an elderly Newt Scamander wanting to know why Gringotts keeps a dragon locked up underground and begging him to fix it. Newt writes back saying that sadly he’s been fighting that fight for years and no one ever wants to listen to him because the powerful families whose money is being kept safe by the dragon always shut him down, and that Charlie is the first person he’s heard of who’s as angry as he is about it. Charlie decides that day to dedicate his life to finding out everything he can about dragons so that one day he can free the poor Gringotts dragon. After the war, when they hear that Harry, Ron and Hermione freed the dragon, they celebrate and immediately begin petitioning to have it made illegal to imprison dragons so that nothing like that ever happens again. It’s only when Hermione becomes Minister that it’s finally signed into law.
This is the best Harry Potter headcanon I’ve ever seen
Just imagine how that conversation would go though, like Charlie’s been learning about dragons his whole life, studying them, learning about the laws surrounding them, practising the jailbreak of dragons by smuggling one out of Hogwarts, preparing for the moment when, one day, he can free the Ukrainian Ironbelly from Gringotts.
And Ron’s like “Oh, yeah, don’t worry about it—we broke into Gringotts and used him as our get-away vehicle. He’s just chilling in the wilds somewhere now so, yeah. Job done.”
Anonymous asked: Hello friend, I just wanted to ask if you were ever going to update your R avatar fic... not to rush you or pressure you or whatever. I know you are super busy and such but I just wanted to ask because I like it and just wanted to know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
MY BUDDY, MY DUDE, SORRY FOR THE DELAY ON ANSWERING THIS ASK BUT NOT THAT SORRY BECAUSE HERE, I FINALLY FUCKING GOT MY SHIT TOGETHER
Pfffft, corculum, let’s not pretend “ability to talk dirty in Latin” is a life skill here, okay? I took a couple years and read some Catullus/Virgil, and then our teacher had us translate erotica as a reward for all of us doing well on a test. He’s a weird dude.
But on the other hand I’ve been pretty depressed tonight and talking dirty in a dead language made me feel good about myself, so gratias tibi ago, corculum meum, teque amo.
THIS IS MY TIME TO SHINE. HERE IS HOW YOU SEXT IN LATIN.
GREETING FIRST: Salve, puer pulcher/puella pulchra/hominis dulcis. (Hey, pretty boy/pretty girl/sweet person. Latin is inherently gendered but both hominis and dulcis are ‘neuter’ so.)
EVERYBODY LIKES FLATTERY: Facies splendidissimus habes. (You have the most amazing face.)
BE BLUNT: Visne me futere/pedicare? (Do you want to fuck me/have anal with me? Use as applicable)
INVITATION: Domus meus vacuus est lectusque meus frigus te sine est, si vis visitare. (My house is empty and my bed is cold without you, if you want to come over.)
Go forth and seduce people with your Latin. I also recommend this poem if you want to piss someone off and learn some Latin vulgarities (teaches ‘to fuck’, ‘to face-fuck,’ ‘to have anal/sodomize,’ ‘bottom/catamite,’ etc.) and this one if you want to be romantic and seduce someone (genuinely beautiful love poetry and imagery, also lovely when read aloud).
Anonymous asked: Goddamn, i did not know you spoke latin properly. i only know like two phrases. i am so glad anon is a thing that exists rn.
Pfffft, corculum, let’s not pretend “ability to talk dirty in Latin” is a life skill here, okay? I took a couple years and read some Catullus/Virgil, and then our teacher had us translate erotica as a reward for all of us doing well on a test. He’s a weird dude.
But on the other hand I’ve been pretty depressed tonight and talking dirty in a dead language made me feel good about myself, so gratias tibi ago, corculum meum, teque amo.
Anonymous asked: Cubitum eamus?
Awww, corculum meum, urbanissimum es. Con me futuere vis? Lectus commodus habeo. Te alligam, si vis.
