Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win
Aug 14
sroloc--elbisivni asked: It's not 1 AM, but would a person curious about whether or not piracy would *work* for a star trek au be welcome in your askbox?
ALWAYS.
Okay
so we’re going to talk AU where the Enterprise
crew goes rogue. Now, here’s the thing,
the Federation just kind of wants to make friends with everyone. They have a habit of going out, fighting
wars, and then making friends with their erstwhile mortal enemies—the Klingons,
the Romulans, the Cardassians, even the Borg (although admittedly only Seven of
Nine and the Borgettes), and that’s just what I can think of off the top of my
head. The Federation isn’t perfect, but fundamentally they just want to hold
hands with aliens and poke spatial anomalies with a big stick and build wildly
implausible and unsafe technology and hit big red buttons to see what
happens. That sort of thing…just doesn’t
really lend itself to piratical behavior within the Federation itself. You get smugglers, naturally, and space pirates
attacking the Federation, and even
your odd freedom fighter/rebel corps (I’m thinking the Maquis from Voyager, although, hell, they end up
part of a Starfleet crew too) but even in the AOS (and we’re doing AOS because
I just saw Beyond again), with Admiral Marcus kicking around, I can’t really
see the Enterprise crew going properly
pirate.
(I mean,
I guess they kind of do, several
times in TOS, but only in the ultra-technical Mark Watney-esque sense of space
piracy of “we’re taking the ship that’s not ours without permission.” And they always do it to save everybody and
let’s be real, it’s hard to punish the people who saved the Federation, it
would be a bit hypocritical to go “thanks for the save, glad not to be dead,
time for your court martial”.)
That
being said, obviously now the solution is to figure out under what circumstances
they WOULD go full pirate. And in the
AOS I’m going to say that the way that would happen would be if Admiral Marcus
had a little more success with the whole Section 31 thing.
So,
let’s suppose that he did, and Marcus might have died with the Vengeance but Section 31 sort of slowly
took over Starfleet, as these things tend to do, and the Enterprise is out on their five-year mission so they don’t realize
anything’s wrong because they’re pretty far out into uncharted space and even
subspace signals get weird after that kind of distance.
And
then the Enterprise comes home,
cruises into spacedock, and the crew is dropped into a Terran Starfleet
that…they don’t recognize anymore.
Things are stiff with protocol, there are massively lethal torpedoes
being integrated into the new ships, half the science complexes have been
annexed by weapons research, McCoy’s highly alarmed by the sort of questions
he’s being asked about the new species he has records of, and the Security
officers are being issued some very large phaser rifles. Let me tell you a thing: Jim and the bridge
crew ain’t pleased with this development.
Between
Spock, Jim, and Chekov, they hack into the ‘Fleet database and discover the
plans for the next mission of the starship Enterprise. And their response is “Nope.” The Enterprise crew is loyal unto death to
their captain—hell, he died for them already, they’re not in a rush to forget
that—so when he summons them quietly to an out-of-the-way location and tells
them that Starfleet is planning to start a war, they believe him. And when he asks “Please help me stop this”
they agree, readily and gladly.
And
then they steal a ship. They steal their ship, because when Captain James Tiberius
Kirk leads his own crew onto his own ship, no one thinks to stop them, until
Scotty’s dismantling the tracker they slipped into Engineering and Sulu’s
punching it and the Enterprise is
soaring away.
And
then…well. I suppose then they have a
war to stop and a Federation to evade and a Starfleet to fix. They refuse to take off their uniforms, even
after the fourth time they’re accosted by another ‘Fleet ship and barely escape
alive—they are Starfleet, the real
Starfleet, and they will prove it. They’re
wanted criminals, according to the Federation, run rampant under the command of
a lunatic captain. Every scrap of
incriminating information about Jim Kirk is dragged out of the mothballs and
splashed across every news source in the quadrant—did you know he was a repeat
offender in Iowa? Did you know he had a
record of violence and aggression? Did
you know he destroyed property? And once
the Enterprise is really getting to
be a problem, they crack open the classified files and there’s whole new surge
of questions. Did you know he was on
Tarsus IV? Did you know he admitted to
murdering guards there? Did you know
that his psych eval afterward said he’d never really recover? Did you know, did you know, did you
know?
The
Federation, the point is, is officially on the hunt.
Unofficially,
though…well. They’ve escaped an awful
lot of brigs and shiplocks—all though underhanded trickery and violence, their
ex-guards are always quick to point out.
See, they have the footage to prove it, look, the Enterprise crew is crafty and tricky and crazy and dangerous. And there were problems with the lock, with
the cuffs, with the shiplock, can’t the Federation keep their own people in
good quality tech? Naturally no one would help the Enterprise,
they’re wanted criminals, they’re dangerous, they’re pirates.
That
brig door has been broken for years.
They’re
pirates with a weird habit of helping stranded ships and going on strict
rations so they can share their food and figuring out ways to save whole
cultures from plagues and negotiating treaties, though. The worlds that are part of the Federation
territory learn to fear their own ships, but the Enterprise…she’s their savior.
The names of the crew are
whispered among the people on the ground, Kirk and Uhura and Spock and McCoy
and Chekov and Sulu and on and on and on.
She’s always oddly well-stocked for a pirate ship, never really risks
starvation. Her dilithium chambers are
always full—must be stealing from old wreckage and defeated enemies, of course.
The
Federation’s upper echelons hunt the Enterprise
down.
The
Federation’s people love her. They call
her the Silver Lady, or the Lady of Starlight, or Lady Luck.
And
everywhere she lands, her crew says “We will fix this. We will stop this. This is not what Starfleet should be, we are what Starfleet should be, and we will make this better.”
EST FIN
I am DONE WITH MY FREAKING INTERNSHIP. I am F R E E.
And I’m in the mood to celebrate, so I’m going to work my way through the prompts I have and I would LOVE to get some more, so hit me up. If you need ideas I’m going to reblog a couple prompt posts that I’ve been saving. You know my fandoms, there is a list, apply them. You can also ask about my original writing if you’re interested.
Aug 13
THIS FINE ASS ITALIAN GUY AND HIS ITALIAN ROOMMATE JUST CAME AND ASKED IF HE COULD USE MY KITCHEN TO MAKE PASTA.
And he not making none of that out the jar shit, HE HAS TOMATOES AND ONIONS AND HES ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE THE SPAGHETTI SAUCE FROM SCRATCH.
AND HE ASKED IF HE COULD BRING HIS FRIEND AND HIS FRIEND JUST CAME IN AND HE IS FROM FRANCE AND HIS ACCENT 😩 PLS LORD HELP ME IM JUST TRYING TO STUDY. I GOT FINALS TOMORROW. WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?
HE CUTTING ONIONS LIFTING UP HIS SHIRT AND HIS ABS LIKE OMFG😩 THE DEVIL IS WORKING TONIGHT.
YALLLLLLLLL. HE IS SO FINE. I JUST GOT A LESSON IN HOW TO MAKE MEATBALLS. HE JUST TOUCHING MY HAND AND SHIT LIKE THIS ISN’T REAL LIFE.
AND I GO SIT DOWN HE TURN AROUND LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO BE MY LITTLE TASTE TESTER RIGHT? LIKE YAASSSSSSSSSSSS. WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO TASTE I WILL TASTE.
SO HE LIKE OKAY COME TASTE THE SAUCE SO I COME OVER TO THE POT AND I HOLD OUT MY HAND AND HES LIKE NAH YOU GOTTA LICK THE SPOON LIKE ..AND HE DEMONSTRATES LIKE NIGGA YOU NOT SLICK YOU JUST TRYING TO SHOW WHAT THAT MOUTH DO. SO I LICK THE SPOON AND THIS SHIT IS GOOD AS FUCKKK. LIKE Y'ALL THIS THE BEST SAUCE I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. MY TASTE BUDS WERE JUST SINGING. LIKE OMG. SO IM TRYING TO COLLECT MYSELF AFTER THIS GOOD ASS SAUCE AND HE TALKING ABOUT WE JUST HAD BORDERLINE SEX. BORDERLINE?? MY NIGGA JUST THROW ME ON THE COUNTER AND LETS GOOOOO.
so he make me a plate AND THIS SHIT IS GOOD AS FUCK LIKE OMG. THIS SHIT TASTE LIKE HEAVEN ON A PLATE. SO ANYWAY WE JUST CHILLING ON THE COUCH CHOPPING IT UP AND HE TOUCHES MY KNEE. Y'ALL MY SOUL JUST LEFT MY BODY AND IS LOOKING DOWN AT ME LIKE 👀. THIS NIGGAS HAND ARE SOFT AS FUCK LIKE WHAT DO HE BE USING ON HIS HANDS? I AINT NEVER FELT ANYTHING SO SOFT. GOD WHY DID YOU BLESS HIM WITH THESE SOFTER THAN A BABYS ASS HANDS? YOU KNOW I HAVE TO STUDY, YOU KNOW I GOT FINALS TOMORROW. YOU KNOW.
So we just talking and shit and then all of a sudden we kissing. YALL I AINT NEVER BEEN KISSED LIKE THIS BEFORE. EVER IN MY WHOLE ASS LIFE. HIS LIPS WERE SOFT AS SHIT AND HE KISSING ME ALL EXTRA SLOW AND ANY SOUL I HAD LEFT IS GONE. ITS LEFT MY BODY AND IS CACKLING IN THE CORNER WITH THE DEVIL. SO WE KISSING AND HE MOVES HIS HAND UP MY THIGH AND MY HEART START RACING FAST AF. IM LIKE OH SHIT ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. OUTTA NOWHERE HE STOP KISSING ME AND HE SAY SOMETHING BUT IM GONE AS FUCK. THIS NIGGA WAS DEAD ASS TALKING AND I DIDNT HEAR A WORD HE SAID,MY BRAIN WAS IN A PUDDLE IN MY PANTIES.
So I’m trying to recollect myself and I’m like what? and he say something about my roommate. So I’m like nah she said she not coming back until 12 so you’re good daddy 😉 AS SOON AS I SAY THAT MY DOOR OPEN AND IN HER COCKBLOCKING ASS COMES. I WAS SICK. IM JUST LOOKING AT HER LIKE BITCH!! YOU STILL GOT 2 HOURS 22 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS BEFORE YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME.. WHAT YOU DOIN? SO IM SENDING HER SPIDEY SIGNALS AND SHIT LIKE BITCH BE GONE AND WHAT DOES SHE DO? SHE SITS HER HAPPY ASS DOWN ON THE COUCH NEXT TO ME TALKING ABOUT “WHAT ARE Y'ALL UP TO?” BITCHHHHH WHAT DO YOU THINK? IM TRYING TO GET SOME ITALIAN SAUSAGE.
Eventually he started getting ready to go and I went to help him pack up his things. So my roommate go to the bathroom and he speaking shit in Italian. My soul is gone, my panties are destroyed and idk what else this man wants from me. So I ask him what he said and he talking about WE ARE NOT DONE ILL BE OVER EVERY SATURDAY TO COOK FOR YOU IS THAT COOL? COOL? MY NIGGA THATS ICE FUCKING COLD WORD TO OUTKAST. SO I ASCENDED TO HEAVEN TO HAVE A ONE ON ONE WITH GOD LIKE WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?? IF THIS IS A TEST GOD IM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW I WILL FAIL REPEATEDLY SO PLS DONT TEST ME. MY ROOMMATE COMES BACK OUT AND HE LEAVES AND I TURN AROUND TO SMACK THIS GIRL AND SHE HAS THE NERVE TO SAY DID YOU NOTICE HE HAD A HARD ON THE WHOLE TIME. BITCHHHHH! I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO NOTICE SHIT IF YOU HADNT CAME IN. I WOULDVE FELT THAT SHIT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. and that’s the story on how I murdered my roommate so when I go to jail i'ma need y'all to come bail me out.
alright,I know what y’all wanna hear: He came back over the next day and slanging that sausage left and right. I haven’t been on tumblr bc I been too busy getting sausaged down but NO BITCH, Y’ALL KNOW WHAT I BEEN DOING?? STUDYING. YES, STUDYING. I GOT MOTHERFUCKING FINALS.
2. You may not test theories on each other. Not even the senior officers. Especially not the senior officers.
3. Do not feed any tribbles.
4. DO NOT FEED ANY TRIBBLES.
5. Tribbles are no longer allowed on the ship.
5a. Edit: Dr. McCoy and First Officer Spock may use a tribble when absolutely necessary under dire circumstances only.
5b. Update: No crew member may ever have a tribble on the ship under any circumstances ever.
6. The ship is not sentient. The captain may not marry the ship, even if it’s only a joke. Neither may Mr. Scott.
7. We take it back. The ship is sentient. Respect her at all times.
8. Any non-standard maintenance (READ: modifications) to the ship MUST be approved by Starfleet and properly documented.
9. Even if the Captain would pretend not to notice them. Or wholeheartedly supports them. Or is the one doing them.
9a. STOP MODIFYING THE DAMN SHIP, JIM.
10. Captain, Doctor McCoy is wise in his advice. I suggest you follow it before there are any…unfavorable consequences from the admirals in Starfleet Command.
10a. Spock, did you just threaten me?
10b. Negative, Captain. I merely wish to remind you of the upcoming ship inspections, as the last time Admiral Benett had to deal with the reports he was very adamant that our crew is no longer trusted to do our own quarterly inspections. Apparently too many of crew relationships are founded on “mutual propensities for non-strictly-regulation shenanigans.”
11. The illegal still in Engineering is—however appreciated—still illegal. No stills in Engineering, or anywhere else on the ship.
12. Alcohol from said still may not be sold for profit, especially outside of this crew. News of its existence cannot, under any circumstances, reach the admirals or their underlings. Or the engineering staff of other ships. Or the captains of other ships!
12a. NO ONE MAY SPEAK OF THE STILL DOWN IN ENGINEERING, EVEN TO OTHERS ON THIS SHIP.
13. The first rule of moonshine stills: You do not speak about the moonshine stills. Just shut up and drink the alcohol.
13a. With pleasure, sir!
14. Lieutenant Uhura would like to inform whoever modified and reprogrammed the universal translators that she looks forward to personally ripping out their vocal cords and using them to repair the damage she’s been forced to spend the last 34 hours fixing.
15. The captain would like to remind Lieutenant Uhura that insults said in other languages are still insults, and still unacceptable.
16. Lieutenant Uhura would like to remind the Captain that insults are acceptable when sufficiently deserved by certain farm hicks and that if they are not understood by the enemy party then there’s no harm done.
17. The Captain would like to remind Lieutenant Uhura that he is, contrary to what she may believe, a genius who does know more languages than he usually lets on, and no sentient being would appreciate being called a [expletive removed, by authority of Lieutenant Commander Spock] under any circumstances.
18. Lieutenant Commander Uhura would like to politely remind the Captain—
19. Lieutenant Commander Spock, with the authority of First Officer, hereby orders this conversation to be dropped immediately. It is unbecoming of senior officers, and frankly, quite childish. If the two parties wish to continue, they may do so on their own time in private quarters.
20. On a related note to yesterday’s spat, no one is allowed to place bets pitting senior officers against each other. Especially not the other senior officers.
21. Karaoke night is hereby banned forever from the Enterprise.
22. The Captain is not allowed to declare laser tag wars in the Jeffries tubes. Even if everyone involved enjoyed it.
23. Pig Latin is not an official language of the Federation, nor an acceptable method of communication when working on shift.
26. The shipwide broadcast system is not for playing favorite music while at warp in to “set the mood.”
27. Regulations are not “more like guidelines, anyway.”
28. “What the admiralty doesn’t know…” is not a phrase that should precede any statement on this ship.
28a. Somehow, every time it’s said, the admiralty inevitably does find out. Senior Command is investigating the possibility of a jinx on the phrase.
29. The Captain is not allowed to name any newly-discovered dinosaurs by himself. We cannot have seven separate species of Kirkosaurus.
30. The marriages that various crewmembers have been forced into via alien rituals on away missions are notvalid. If you wish to be officially bound, you can do so the normal, legal way.
32. Starfleet has officially-established drill proceedures. They do not include laser tag, paintball, Mafia, or capture the flag.
33. The Captain is no longer allowed to eat, drink, touch flirt with, or look at any unknown substances on away missions.
34. It is a punishable offense to evade routine medical evaluations.
34a. This includes you, Jim.
34b. Any and all crewmembers found to be assisting the Captain in hiding from Doctor McCoy are subject to official reprimand and the immediate restriction of all deserts from their meal card.
35. No member of the crew may walk within five feet of Lieutenant Sulu’s plants. Some of them can move, and some of them are extremely…territorial.
36. Starfleet is not responsible for the consequences if you decide to play tag in the Jeffries Tubes, nor will you receive any sympathy for injuries sustained while doing so.
36a. Except maybe for Chekov.
37. There is no such thing as being “allergic to paperwork,” especially since paperwork is entirely digital and no longer on actual paper.
38. The captain may not declare Casual Fridays.
39. The Captain may not declare a “Space Pirate Day.”
40. Officer Spock may not mislead crew members into believing that he is still ignorant of common human idioms and expressions of speech.
41. However illogical the captain is being, when logic fails to persuade him, it is still not acceptable to pick him up and physically move him.
42. FOR THE LAST TIME, JEFFRIES TUBES ARE NOT FOR PLAYING IN.
43. Shipwide games of Murder are not an accepted method of “team bonding.” No matter how much you try to argue that a common enemy brings people together, it won’t change the fact that organized serial murders—even fake ones—are not acceptable behavior on a starship.
