1. “Are you drunk?”
2. “You’re too young to hate the world.”
3. “I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.”
4. “We’re designed to be disposable.”
5. “There’s blood on my/your hands.”
6. “Could you be any louder?”
7. “I’ve never killed anyone before.”
8. “Your smile is not as bright as it used to be.”
9. “Don’t call me that!”
10. “Please don’t make me socialize.”
11. “Same time tomorrow?”
12. “I’ve been buying the wrong underwear.”
13. “How can anyone not be afraid of love?”
14. “You’re supposed to talk me out of this.”
15. “That was a perfect example of how not to do things.”
16. “If you want, we could go together?”
17. “I have contemplated becoming a hermit.”
18. “I’m alive… I can tell because of the pain.”
19. “Maybe you’re not thinking hard enough.”
20. “It’s 8:30, I have a hangover and you’re annoying me.”
21. “No one has a heart of stone.”
22. “Can I open my eyes yet?”
23. “So much for not getting involved.”
24. “I will if you will.”
25. “My nightmares are usually about losing you.”
26. “I didn’t intend to kiss you.”
27. “Can we go someplace high so I can jump off it?”
28. “I didn’t lose it, I just misplaced it.”
29. “Prepare to be amazed.”
30. “I’m fine.”
31. “Where’s your God now?”
32. “I’d ask you to stay but I don’t like you.”
33. “Something about you makes me want to commit extreme violence.”
34. “It’s not like I missed you or anything.”
35. “You look like a monkey who’s been strategically shaved.”
36. “Everything was fine, until you showed up.”
37. “Can you just shut up for five minutes?”
38. “Never mind, the moment’s gone.”
39. “You’re an idiot. I’ve met smarter sandwiches.”
40. “I believe you dropped this.”
41. “What are you doing in my house?”
42. “I don’t know if I should kiss you or slap you.”
43. “Why are you/we whispering?”
44. “If you really loved me there wouldn’t be a choice.“
45. “I think I made a mistake.”
46. “Shut up, I am a delight!”
47. “I can think of a million places I’d rather be right now.”
48. “Now, just hold on a diddly darn minute.”
49. “It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself.“
50. “Why does anyone have to be naked?”
(via amusewithaview)
Is there fic out there in the Leverage fandom where Sterling has to work with the FBI and he’s going not-so-quietly insane because everyone in the FBI is utterly convinced that Parker & Hardison are actual bone fide agents? Like, they pity Sterling because they’re just so damn good that they’ve managed to sell him on their covers as con artists? They’re such good agents that they’ve managed to fool Interpol?
Oh please tell me this exists
(via primarybufferpanel)
(Source: bhrixoverdose, via amusewithaview)
Have I expressed my love for Black Widow!Karen Page? Because I am still super fucking committed to that, I wrote a fic series for it like a year ago and I am STILL super fucking committed to that. I am married to that headcanon, like, fucking devoted, in case anyone was curious.
Anonymous asked: Your Enjoltaire "superpower compliments soulmate" headcannon has given me liFE AND I AM FOREVER IN DEBT TO U. Jesus Christ, ur amazing.
Oh my God thank you so much, I’m glad you liked it! Honestly I think I’m still in shock from how popular that thing got, I keep expecting to wake up. But, if you are interested, there’s more ExR fic here, and more of my writing generally here, and I’m always taking requests for headcanons/ficlets/other stuff!
alright folks, so for the first time in my life, something actually happened to me that would make a good au fanfic prompt, so here it is.
so basically a few months ago my roommates and i were talking about why boys draw dicks all over things. this discussion eventually deteriorated to the point where we were in hysterics laughing about dicks just popping up wherever you least expected them, and so the idea for Hide The Dick was born.
HTD is essentially one of the greatest games ever conceived, or at least it seems that way to us. the rules are simple: someone hides the dick (a cartoon, laminated creation of my virgin roommate who drew from imagination, in case you were wondering) and the others look for it. if you find it, you announce where you’ve found it and then it’s your turn to hide it. we keep a tally of points on the whiteboard in the kitchen.
as you might imagine, it has been substantially easier just to hide this game from visitors, rather than explain it, so no one knows we’ve been doing this.
well today for some reason the freaking smoke detectors in our building start going off like crazy in all of the apartments. two of my roommates and i had already been waiting around for a plumber anyway, so we called the landlord and she said she’d send someone down.
and send someone she did.
shortly after the smoke alarms commenced their hellish symphony, we hear a knock at the door, so my friend gets up to open it, and in walks what is possibly THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN ANY OF US HAD EVER SEEN. like, i shit you not, after he left the room one of my roommates looked me dead in the eye and said “i’d be in for a foursome with that, if you guys are down”, like that is how attractive this man was.
so at this point he’s fixing our smoke alarm and he’s pretty and we’re being a bunch of heart-eyed children, but in fairness we were also almost certain he moonlights as a firefighter when he isn’t working for the smoke detector people, and firefighters can turn even the most reasonable people into goo. after a bit he tells us he thinks he knows what the problem is and he’s just going to replace all the smoke detectors. so he leaves for the hardware store down the road and he says he’ll only be gone for a few minutes.
we, of course, being rational twenty-somethings, used this time to gush about how attractive he was. but anyway, he comes back and swaps out the smoke detectors and suddenly makes his way into the kitchen and he just goes: “you know what, while i’m here, i should actually check the date on your fire extinguisher…” and about halfway through this sentence a few things start to happen simultaneously.
ash, one of my roommates, her eyes just fly open in abject horror. (this is the girl who drew the dick in the first place) and all she manages to get out is “i just want you to know we play this game and w-”
and kelsey (magic-not-realism), my other roommate, turns on her with this horrified expression, mixed with like utter defeat and she doesn’t have to say a word but we all know her brain is just going “you fucking didn’t!!!!”
so i turn around just in time to see this random, innocent firefighter hold up the fire extinguisher with the dick taped to the back.
that’s it, that’s the prompt.
(i mean more happened, but it feels more fun to leave it unspecific). if you ever turn this into something (particularly of the destiel variety) please send it to me!hey again internet peeps! so, believe it or not, i actually got a handful of anons about this and, back by popular demand, is my HTD story.
ok so, we’re standing there with this hot firefighter and all of us are pretty much just staring at him in shock at this point. this was truly a cosmic joke of epic proportions.
what you have to understand is that that dick had only been on the fire extinguisher for like, maybbbbbeee 12 hours because ash had just hid it there before we went to bed, so no one fucking expected this, least of all shawn the firefighter.
for a moment he just kind of stared at it, literally unable to process what he held in his hand. i’m not sure how many of you actually referred to the visual aid in the original post, but for those who didn’t, this dick is as anatomically correct as you could possibly expect from a virgin. like, ash and i laid on the couch the day she drew it and i forced her to draw and shade veins and pubes, so like, clearly an effort was made. there was no coming back from that kind of detail.
this was a dick with a purpose.
so shawn finally regains his wits and he untapes the dick and stares at it some more and then he lifts it up towards us and points with the most confused expression on his face, and just goes in the most disbelieving tone: “A penis….??? On MY fire extinguisher?!”
and so again, all of us are flying into action at the same time. ash is alternating between this high keening noise of embarrassment and fighting off giggles in between breathless “i’m sorry’s”. kelsey is laughing nervously and kind of trying to explain the game a little bit and as for me, well, i’d completely lost my shit at that point.
i was practically in tears just from the shock on his face and so finally i’m like “you win! oh my god, you win!” and i got up from the couch and went into the kitchen and drew him a space on the scoreboard and gave him a point. now, my back is turned at this point but kelsey and ash are just laughing now and every few seconds you hear shawn’s disbelieving voice go “a penis?”
anyway, i should probably be wrapping this up so i’m just going to do the cliff-notes of the rest of this visit
- shawn complimented the dick before he left
- he confirmed that this was not the weirdest thing he’s ever stumbled across accidentally
- i asked him to hide the dick again, since that’s how we play and he said “i can’t be hiding penises in your rooms i’ll probably get in trouble for that”
(ftr i didn’t say rooms, we always hide it in common areas jeez shawn get your mind out of the gutter)- we apologized about a couple hundred times
- he went to our neighbors to install smoke detectors and it occured to us that he might tell them about the game
- we drafted a plan to move if that happens
- he came back and we explained the origin story of the dick and asked him why boys draw penises on things and he reported that he’d never had that particular urge
- he left us his business card on his way out the door and then we laid on the couch and laughed about this until we cried
This is a thing of beauty.
(Source: cineastette, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
skymurdock asked: Star Wars/Star Trek? pls imagine Han and Jim having the weirdest friendly rivalry ever bc Han maintains the Millennium Falcon is the Best Ship and Jim maintains the Enterprise should have that honor.
I just got out of Beyond last night and I am DRUNK on the Star Trek thing right now. LET’S GO. I did a little more with the crews than the ships but like. Yeah.
- The thing about exploring space is that it’s big, but not infinite. So sooner or later the final frontier pushes right up to the raggedy edge of a galaxy far far away. Specifically, a ramshackle ship at the outermost edge of Republic space. (They’re on a sort of ‘remember the good old days when the three of us plus Chewie and a couple droids were on the fucking run’ sort of trip. Han doesn’t know why he’s doing this but sure, Leia, for old time’s sake, something like that, and Luke just looked at him and blinked and somehow the farmboy eyes still work on him after all this time.) The Enterprise sees it on its radar and…well, to be completely honest, Spock takes one look at the readings and announces that there appears to be a ship in distress. They go investigate—the Enterprise makes the Falcon look like a slightly haphazard guppy beside a sleek and shining whale, a sheer wall of matte white kissed with space dust. (Inside the Falcon, everyone has a completely independent moment of holyfuckingkriff we’re going to war again before the polite text hail comes through and the ship translates the message.)
- Okay so…it turns out that Republic Standard and Federation Basic have basically nothing to do with each other, and the universal translators aren’t in the mood to translate an entirely foreign language. The crew of the Falcon and the Enterprise away team spend a good long while cycling through every language they know (and with Uhura with them, that number is prodigious) before they figure out that there seems to be at least a degree of commonality between Bocce and Ferengi, and between an archaic Vulcan dialect that even Spock barely knows and an equally dated Naboo dialect that Leia knows a few scraps of and C-3PO knows a few more scraps of (Padmé believed in knowing her planet’s history). They cobble together a pidgin that at least lets them introduce themselves while half the engineering team scrambles to clap together a translator. (It takes two hours and Scotty is bursting with pride over the thing, which turns Basic into Standard and back again with no trouble at all.)
- First contact with a foreign Republic: pretty much par for the course for the Enterprise, and hey, they have a Senator of said Republic right there, so for Kirk and his crew this is going great. They have a war hero, a general in the military, and a political figure on hand, in addition to a droid loaded with a massive amount of history and a soldier. The Falcon’s crew is pretty much exactly the diplomatic cadre most planets send out to meet the Federation, so it doesn’t even occur to them that they’ve pretty much caught the Falcon with their pants down. The Falcon isn’t a diplomatic vessel on the best of days, and even if it was, the Republic hasn’t made a business of making first contact with anyone in quite a long time. So when a clutch of various aliens—including humans, who aren’t so alien after all, and ain’t that a kick in the head, as Han says—in brightly colored uniforms introduces themselves as members of Star Fleet, representatives of something called the United Federation of Planets…that’s new. Leia pushes Han out of the way with an elbow, and shuts Luke up with a glance, and does her best to look Senatorly and In Control.
- By the end of a few hours’ meeting, there’s a tentative alliance drawn up and a friendship in place between Leia and Jim, who, Bones and Han agree, have bonded over being reckless idealists too stubbornly brave for their own health. Spock interrogates Luke at length about the Force—fascinating, he pronounces at once—and is disappointed to find out that the Jedi have largely been wiped out will all their information. (Luke, on the other hand, is a little dazed from the rapid-fire queries and thinks that, if all Vulcans are so emotionless, it’s probably for the best that the Jedi never met them, because can you imagine if that was the Jedi standard for emotional control. Also, Luke is smarter than your average bantha, thanks, and knows a telepath when he sees one, so he makes a mental note to look into testing the Vulcans for Force-sensitivity, if he can figure out how the hell to do it.) Uhura corners 3PO and commands him to start teaching her Republic Standard. She makes terrifying progress, and also learns enough Shyriiwook to understand Chewbacca’s careful and kind farewell (C-3PO is in love, he’s never met someone so brilliant in his entire existence, he almost follows her home like a lost puppy).
- Regarding the ships: Jim is very polite about the Falcon because there’s just no point in being rude about other people’s ships when yours is so evidently the best in the universe—honestly, if Han tried to insult his ship, Jim’s response would be a blank expression and “Are you blind? We can have Bones look at that.” Han grumbles a bit, but he’s not an idiot, and the Falcon is a damn good ship, he mutters, even if she’s not flashy. (It should be noted that, here, ‘not flashy’ means ‘occasionally unwilling to hit hyperspeed without some serious antics,’ which is kind of the equivalent of saying, about a car, that ‘not flashy’ means ‘hope you don’t want a second gear that works all the time.’) So the two captains get along pretty well, because if there’s anyone that Han Don’t-Tell-Me-The-Odds Solo is going to click with, it’s Jim Rules-What-Rules Kirk. Scotty, on the other hand, is apoplectic the first time he hears Han compare the Falcon to the Enterprise. That bucket of bolts! Falling apart at the seams! Compared to his lady! The Falcon is unworthy to pass through her ion wake! Chekov sees the Chief of Engineering puff up and Jim shoots him a look, and Chekov claps a hand over Scotty’s mouth, towing him out of the room with Sulu. Han’s back is turned and the nod Luke gives, to say nothing of the hidden smirk, suggests that he won’t be telling, so Jim has avoided, once more, starting a diplomatic incident because of Scotty’s determination to defend the Enterprise’s honor. This is a fairly regular occurrence, and a large part of the reason that Scotty is on probation from diplomatic missions.
- Bonus sixth headcanon: Jim is the most fucking Force-sensitive. They find this out because Luke, still half-trained and a bit prone to error, brushes a brief mental probe across his mind and gets thrown out with all the violence of hitting warp three from a dead halt. Luke asks where his mental shields came from and Jim gives him a blank look and Luke has a moment of horrible revelation: he’s not only going to have to scrounge up some teaching ability, he’s going to have to comb an entire Federation for Force-sensitives. When the nav officer—Chekov—sees the look of appalled shock on his face and politely offers brandy, with the additional remark that the Captain can have that effect, Luke takes him up on it.
Luke does not know how he’s going to get around to DOING that - searching through a whole Federation and then teaching the people he finds to use the Force. Luke kind of wants to cry a little. (the Vulcans are - a whole ‘nother bag of Loth-cats that Luke is going to poke when he is SOBER, okay, but right now the brandy is calling his name.)
(years later, Jim has his very own lightsaber, not that he uses it very much outside of “glorified laser cutter”. he runs into Luke at a Federation-Republic thing and one thing led to another and they’re going to check out an ancient Jedi temple now - with a full expedition team by the Federation’s insistence bc they’re all about exploring new things and this is a New Thing and Luke does not actually mind - he is SO EXCITED, the nerd.)
Bones takes one look at the Millennium Falcon - held together by spit, duct tape, prayers and the Force - and immediately starts screaming internally. he can list about fifteen things off the top of his head that could happen to the inhabitants of this ship should this thing finally give out, and also ten viral diseases that this could possibly be carrying from its history of smuggling, how have any of you SURVIVED in this hunk of junk.
(“HEY,” yells Han, Offended.
“true,” says Leia, affectionately patting the walls.)
Artoo is having the time of his life onboard the Enterprise, by the way. Sulu walks in on him beeping away on the bridge, plugged into the console. is he having a conversation with the Enterprise? (he most definitely is.)
skymurdock asked: Star Wars/Star Trek? pls imagine Han and Jim having the weirdest friendly rivalry ever bc Han maintains the Millennium Falcon is the Best Ship and Jim maintains the Enterprise should have that honor.
I just got out of Beyond last night and I am DRUNK on the Star Trek thing right now. LET’S GO. I did a little more with the crews than the ships but like. Yeah.
someone: thinks they followed me for regular specific content
me, reaching into my fuckign mixed bag of a blog: ha
(via starwarsisgay)