Anonymous asked: *gasp* i logged on to find more of the aios au this is //wonderful// thank you
THANK YOU VERY MUCH I CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE STILL READING THAT AFTER MY SIX MONTHS OF LIVING AT THE BOTTOM OF A HOLE.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE INTERESTED
There are heartwarming parts of Animorphs. There are funny parts of Animorphs.
There are no happy parts of Animorphs.
(via chromatographic)
bell15obsessions asked: Buffy Summers for the ask meme
MY LOVE BUFFY SUMMERS. For this ask meme. Also, buckle up for fucking Buffy/Angel hour, folks, I don’t truck with Buffy/Spike.
A: what I think realistically
Buffy’s classmates…listen. They’re not as oblivious as the adult population, because…obviously they’re not, they’re the rising generation of kids who go to school with the Slayer, even the most obtuse of them will pick something up eventually. They don’t really know, either, and more to the point they don’t altogether want to know. But they can kind of…tell.
No one challenges Buffy. Ever. Buffy is a hunter of hunters, a killer of killers. Even though they don’t know, something deep down in the mind of even the densest high school student looks at her and quails in fear, looks at her and says strength and danger and protection and fear all at once in a mad jumble.
Willow and Xander go from being regularly shoved around to not even touched. People still talk shit for a while, sure, but by their senior year, the entirety of Sunnydale High would rather be shanked with a pencil and die quick than go toe-to-toe with Buffy Summers.
And God have mercy on you if you lay a finger on her little sister, because Buffy won’t.
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
Early during that rocky first few months, Giles foolishly told Buffy that she should dress more practically. Out of sheer spite, she went slaying in stiletto heels and club dresses for two weeks until Giles had to reluctantly eat his words.
Angel was planning to come talk to her, but listen. He’s only human. Sort of. He has limits. Buffy kicking back on a mausoleum in a little black dress with blonde hair loose over her shoulders and six-inch heels while she juggles holy water vials with the careless ease of someone with total confidence in her skills–that’s his limit. He’s calling it right now. He leaves, feeling mildly shellshocked.
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
SWEET GIRL, Death sighs, sliding through the motionless candle flames of the cave. The Slayer is weeping into her hands, horrible ripping sounds as she stands with the water of the pool lapping at her feet. She is dressed all in white, and so is Death, and they could be twins. The Slayer is still afraid of Death, this time. IT IS NOT YOUR TIME YET.
“Thank you,” the Slayer sobs, and Death rests a bone-pale hand on her shoulder to press her back into the body in the pool.
***
The next time, it’s been a few years, and the Slayer–the Slayer, Death always thinks of her, even though there have been two, one gone through Death’s own hands and the other very close now, since last time–isn’t afraid of Death anymore. They are friends, well-known and often met. Almost twins. She’s not dressed in white, she’s dressed in her own blood and vindication and black, and she’s sitting on the foot of a hospital bed.
DEAREST, Death croons, sitting down next to her and stroking her hair with a hand while she lets her fingers hover just above the hand of the body in the bed.
“I can’t die,” the Slayer says, looking at the unhealthily white skin of the body in the bed. Even the golden hair looks washed out. “The Ascension is tomorrow and I have to be there. And–and he’ll never forgive himself.”
I HAVE MET LIAM, Death says, somewhat disapproving. HE WAS RATHER QUESTIONABLE.
The Slayer almost smiles, but tears break over her lashes instead. “I’ve heard.”
Death allows, HE HAS IMPROVED TREMENDOUSLY.
“I won’t die here,” the Slayer says, iron-clad. “You can’t take me.”
Death laughs. ALMOST I BELIEVE YOU COULD STOP ME, DEAR GIRL. BUT IT IS NOT YOUR TIME YET. And Death presses her back into the body, and the Slayer clutches gratefully at Death’s wrist before she goes.
***
It is longer, before the next time, and this time the Slayer does not resist, throws herself weeping into Death’s arms and lets herself be held close to the thin body under the white cloth, and buries her tears in Death’s neck.
DEAREST CHILD, Death whispers, YOU HAVE FOUGHT FOR SO LONG. COME WITH ME, AND YOU CAN REST.
***
Death has never considered mutiny before, but seeing the Slayer torn back into life almost brings it to mind.
***
They meet again, and again, and the Slayer smiles when she sees Death and they talk like old friends, like family long parted.
“How is Tara? How is Jenny? Tell me about Cordy, is she doing all right? Did you see my mother, is she okay? How is your work? Is it my time?” The Slayer asks her questions like there’s nothing to fear, and Death tries to keep a mental list, tries to check up on all her loved ones so that the Slayer can be assured of their wellbeing. The Slayer’s list of loved ones is long. Death hates to have to tell her, when the soul of Liam has passed through Death’s hands again, and always makes sure to let her know when it is restored.
LOVE, Death says quietly, every time, at the end of their talk, DO YOU WANT TO REST?
“No rest for the wicked, didn’t you hear?” This is always the only time that the Slayer’s eyes glisten, her lips tremble. “I still have so much to do.”
LET THE OTHERS DO IT, DEARHEART.
“Maybe next time,” the Slayer says, looking away, as ever, to hide the tears threatening to slide down her cheeks. “Maybe next time I’ll rest.”
Death takes her face in bone-pale hands and kisses her forehead, a benediction. They are almost twins. YOU ARE THE BRAVEST OF YOUR KIND, SWEET GIRL. And Death presses the Slayer back into her body.
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
Honestly, AU where Angel/Cordelia doesn’t get shoehorned in and there’s no super uncomfortable Spike/Buffy plot and we get 100x more active pining. Deliver! My! Mutual! Pining! Thanks!
In slightly more seriousness, though, (not that I’m not TOTALLY serious about that mutual pining thanks) you know how there’s that one time where Buffy accidentally demonstrates to a room full of morons that she can toss a dude over her shoulder like a paperweight? In my heart of hearts, Buffy is shyly approached the next day by a girl who’s regularly harassed by jackasses and Buffy accidentally becomes the mentor to a bunch of random girls for how To Beat Up A Creepy Dude 101. At work, Buffy walks other girls back to their cars on the regular, and she’s sort of surprised by how many of the people who try to mess with them are just…creepy dudes, nothing supernatural, because…like…very few people are suicidal enough to try shit with Buffy and her standard for comparison is like 99% vampires and 1% miscellaneous other.
Unrelatedly she and Angel are soulmates and they probably have a weird psychic pseudo-sire bond because of the bite on her neck and at some point a vampire asks her about it and she’s like “Well, I saved a master vampire from dying.”
VERY relatedly to the above, Angel is an actual master vampire and gossip is faster than wildfire and word Gets Around that the Slayer (because, much to Faith’s bitterness, Buffy is always the Slayer), one time saved Fucking Angelus from death. The entire supernatural underworld simultaneously explodes with elaborate conspiracy theories, chief among them that the Slayer is actually a vampire. Buffy hears about this after a really long day and the vampire who lets it slip is very confused when the Slayer sits down on the ground and laughs until she cries. Not confused for long, though. She stakes him before he can be confused for too long.
socpuppet replied to your post “That feeling where you start reading a book with the expectation that…”
Can I ask what book it was so I can avoid it with all my being?
Orpheum, by D.S. Murphy. It’s kind of a shame, honestly, the magic had the potential to be really cool, I was all buckled up for some good brain candy nonsense but nooooo fucking ‘gypsy fortune tellers’ fucking spare me.
[video]
Anonymous asked: Natasha Romanoff B and D
I’m gonna do them all, I’m sorry, I am. For this ask meme.
A: what I think realistically
Natasha didn’t just wake up one day clean and free to wander into the arms of SHIELD. She doesn’t have the scar from it anymore–it was a long time ago, and a woman in her line of work has to get some laser treatments–but Clint shot her through the shoulder when he caught up with her, and it was her response that saved her life.
He couldn’t kill someone who stared him in the eye and said, plain as day, “Go ahead and do it then. Save all those people from me.” Pause. Bitter laugh. “Save me from me.”
Natasha beat him to a bloody pulp the first time they sparred, for disobeying.
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
Natasha, most of the Avengers believe at first, is effortlessly classy, humorless, and overall terrifying.
They are wildly unprepared for Natasha’s prankster streak–through a combination of dizzying logic and sweet-talking, she gets JARVIS on her side and convinces him to kill all the systems in the Avengers Tower. While Tony is hammering away at his keyboard, trying to find the problem, JARVIS asks, totally deadpan, “Would you like to play a game?” Tony shrieks. Natasha gets it all on camera.
They are likewise unprepared for the first time Natasha and Clint actually stay there for an extended period of time, which includes Natasha, dressed in a shirt she stole from Clint and comfy leggings, sitting crosslegged on the floor and eating cereal at 2 AM while watching old Burn Notice reruns and critiquing the spy shenanigans out loud, regardless of who’s in the room.
It doesn’t come as a shock to them when Natasha goes through an entire week of addressing Clint by increasingly elaborately incorrect codenames. At first it’s “Duck-guy” or “Crow-man” or “Goose-face,” but by day six she’s calling for “Ruby Throated Hummingbird” over the comms. He walks into the debrief and sits down next to her and goes “Hey, Tarantula” and genuinely fears for his life for the next forty-eight hours.
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
The Red Room recruiting nine or ten year olds? Nah. Natasha–Natalia–neither of those then, but Natasha-Natalia-Anja-Laurel-Cara-Kristen-Hana-Jessamine and a hundred other bloodstained girls all the same–was four years old when her family’s home burned to the ground. She killed for the first time at five. She was pitted against another child, then, and a knife was put in the room, and whoever lived, left. She went on a mission for the first time at fourteen. Failed. Accidentally killed the target before extracting information. Punished. Another mission a year later. Perfection.
First wiped at sixteen.
Natasha believes she was wiped perhaps twelve times–not after every mission, like the teacher she barely remembers (blue eyes and hard jaw and numbness–Yakov? she doesn’t know), but often enough to keep her controlled. Her last mission, before she was brought into SHIELD, was supposed to be a routine recon to a hospital in Sao Paolo which was thought to be funneling drugs. A children’s hospital. Competition for a major contributor to the Red Room.
It was far worse. Natasha-Natalia-Mila couldn’t leave those children–some of them barely alive anymore, some of them twisted by experiments into…desperate things–to their fate. She knew about desperate things. She made sure they all died cleanly before she burned the building to the ground.
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
Natasha is in love with Clint Barton, her hypercompetent loser of a partner who lives in Bed-Stuy with a dog and his…trainee? Sidekick? Mini-me? Don’t bring no AOU nonsense into my house.
In all seriousness, comic ‘canon’ is such a moving target that you can justify almost anything, and I basically abandon MCU canon whenever it suits me. That being said, heADCANON THAT NATASHA BELIEVES SHE’S A MONSTER BECAUSE SHE FUCKING MURDERED A LOT OF PEOPLE AND NOT BECAUSE SHE’S INFERTILE WHAT THE F U C K.
Nope, nope, I swear to Christ, I’m going to come up with something that’s not about AOU, I am, I promise, oh my god, um.
Natasha and Vision are good buddies because Natasha had to fumble her way through how to have Genuine Human Emotions a little bit at first (not how to have them, just how to…deal?) and is happy to explain to Vision when he’s confused.
Anonymous asked: Can you do John Wick for that headcanon post you reblogged?
You’re darn right I can do John Wick! For THIS meme!
A: what I think realistically
John didn’t get into trouble as a kid. John was a well-behaved student, known for being intelligent and quiet and unremarkable. John never got into fights and no one ever questioned where he got bruises, because no one ever noticed. When John left high school, he joined the military and did a four year tour with very little action. And then he fell off the fucking map. He still has living family. They believe he’s dead.
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
John definitely calls in, like, life debts to get people to watch his dog while Shit’s Going Down.
“I need a favor.”
“John,” the smiling English assassin says, “after that time in Bulgaria you know you only need to ask.”
“I need you to watch my dog.”
There’s a long pause, but the assassin’s smile doesn’t crack. “Does he have a name?”
“…no.”
“Okay.” John is a weird dude, even as assassins go. The English assassin rolls with it like a champ.
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
For the record, I don’t have any friends who have seen John Wick except for the people who have asked me about it on here.
That being said: John hasn’t been to visit his wife’s grave since he buried her. At first it was because he physically couldn’t make himself do it. Those first weeks were such a grey haze of…weight, more than anything else–even the air seemed too heavy to breathe–that he couldn’t leave the house. Even with Daisy, it was all he could do to get up and take care of her. Going to the cemetery…no way.
And then once Daisy was dead…John was busy. John was fighting. John was killing. John had a purpose and damned if he was going to turn away from it.
He was planning to go see his wife’s tombstone the morning after he got home. Instead his house gets blown up and he loses everything of hers that he still owned.
D: what would never work in canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
You’ll never tell me that John’s wife wasn’t a world-class thief. Like, she is to the thief world what John is to the assassin world. They called her the Wraith, and her Interpol file is almost as thick as his, but instead of being a trail of mercilessly efficient kills it’s a laundry list of precious paintings and jewels and artifacts stolen from uncrackable safes and impenetrable museums.
They met while she was stealing a Picasso from one of John’s targets. A classic story: girl meets boy, boy murders target, girl takes painting, girl breaks into boy’s safehouse with champagne. “To celebrate our mutual successes,” she says, and John is gone.
Instead of making a deal with the Devil, she stole the most cherished statue owned by a leading member of her own High Council, and ransomed her freedom back with it. She would have been free for all her natural life–and, John supposes, she was.
It’s just they both expected her natural life to be a lot longer, is all.
words-writ-in-starlight asked: I watched all four episodes of Castlevania at 1 AM the other night with absolutely no background and I loved the hell out of it, please tell me about your feelings in elaborate detail.
Oh my god where do I start. (I guess I should say there are spoilers ahead) I’m just gonna give you a walk through on my emotions as the show went on. So there’s the opening scene with all of those skeletons on piles and bats and shit outside of Draculas castle and Lisa fucking just stabs one mid flight like a total BADASS. Right then I knew I would love her with all of my heart. Then when I first saw Dracula my first thought was “this boy is TALL” and then I saw Lisa and Drac together and that’s honestly all I needed. Seeing them together made me so happy. THEN THE NEXT SCENE LITERALLY RIPPED MY HEART OUT AND STOMPED IT INTO THE DIRT. Lisa just wanted to help people with science and medicine but the church was like “NO WITCHES, ONLY MEN CAN DO THAT” and in that moment I hated the bishop and everyone involved in the church and Lisa’s death. Then when she literally screamed don’t hurt them, they don’t know what they’re doing, I COULDNT HANDLE IT. Pretty much I started crying instantly. Then it shows Drac at his house and when he started crying when he found out Lisa was killed I just wanted to reach in and hug him. Then he showed up in the flames that KILLED HIS WIFE, THE ONLY PERSON WHO HELPED HIM NOT TO TOTALLY HATE HUMANS, and told the people to get out in a year or they would die. When he goes back to his castle we get to see a peek of Alucard and I screamed. Then a year passes and NO ONE BELIEVES HIM. And they’re all shocked when he releases the demons of hell??? What did they expect???? Anyway, flash forward to the bar where Trevor is introduced. I instantly fell in love with him and I would honestly probably die for him and he’s an animated character. BUT I LOVE MY DRUNK BOY SM. So basically every scene with him in it I LOVE. He’s a snarky, sarcastic, asshole and everything I need in a protagonist. He had the best one liners in the history of EVER. Then he meets the leader of the speakers and fights off the two catholic guys and honestly WOW the animation is beautiful in the fight scene. Anyway he’s like not at all interested in what people have to say but he’s willing to listen to a little of what the speakers have to say, and they listen to him. So when he goes to find the list speaker just to save them it shows he’s not just all gruff and tough, this boy has a heart. Then he KILLS A CYCLOPS AND THIS SCENE WAS SO AMAZING, THE ANIMATION, MEETING SYPHA, EVERYTHING! Speaking of Sypha, I love her. She calls things how she sees them, and she can do MAGIC, LIKE HOLY SHIT. So they fight the demons later right, but there’s the one with Blue Fangs that goes into the church and absolutely DESTROYS the bishop before eating him. I was so proud of him, literally said “you’re doing amazing sweetie” as he ate the bishop. AND DUDE, TREVORS WHIP IS SO BADASS. The demons exploded and I was just in awe of it all. Then when Sypha and Trevor fall into the catacombs and find Alucards coffin I literally got up and had to do a little happy dance break type thing because EMOTIONS WERE HAPPENING AND I COULDNT HANDLE THEM. Then Alucard pops out and starts fighting Trevor and I’m like “god this is the ship I didn’t know I needed.” THEN WHEN THE PROPHESY IS MENTIONED??? I LITERALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO D I E. I can’t wait for season two to happen because I’ve honestly rewatched season one seven times.
God bless
I usually have two or more sets of headcanons with characters
Headcanon A: what I think realistically
Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilariousyou forgot
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends#option D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
new game: send me a character and i’ll give an example of each
(via skymurdock)
That feeling where you start reading a book with the expectation that it will be fun YA garbage with cool weird magic and bastardized Greek mythology, and halfway through you hit a twenty page chunk of UNRELENTING racist bullshit about “gypsies”.
I must cleanse my soul.