“oh, you’re bi? so will you have a threeway with me and my gf?”
“why, you can’t satisfy her on your own?”
this is my new response to this question
Omg thank you! This is beautiful
(via littlestartopaz)
“So you see,” said the Royal Advisor, wringing his hands, “the curse states the princess will die on the night before her twenty-fifth birthday–”
“Hang on,” said the princess, “‘ON the night before’–”
The Advisor nodded grimly.
“So what you’re saying is that, until that one specific date, I am effectively immortal?”
“Technically yes, but then–” the King stammered.
“Wow,” said the princess, who was sixteen and did not possess amazing impulse control. “I’m gonna go teach myself how to juggle chainsaws while hang gliding over shark-infested waters, catch you chuckleheads later.”
Here’s the thing about curses that most people don’t realize: curses are selfish.
Not the motives behind them—not necessarily, at any rate—but the curses themselves, the nuts and bolts of the magic, so to speak. If someone wraps an enchantment around you, and that enchantment’s sole purpose is to doom you on a particular day and time—the stroke of midnight is pretty popular, for whatever reason—well.
Something that complex and powerful operates according to its own rules. It wants vengeance, and that means doing whatever must be done to ensure that no rival foe shows up at the eleventh hour to steal its thunder. Princess Hammerhands the Sharkpuncher, as she would later come to be known, was an extremely rash and somewhat foolish person, but the “immortality until you die” loophole is real.
Knowing your body will defy death takes some of the thrill out of death-defying stunts, as it turns out. Some, not all. Princess Hammerhands the Sharkpuncher had some good years on the daredevil circuit. She picked up several neat tricks—a good performance wasn’t just about survival, but artistry, she figured. She befriended sword swallowers and fire breathers and professional dragon ticklers. But after three years, she was feeling antsy again.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
has this been done before
[Caption: A comic strip with 5 images.
1: A little girl making a disgusted face says “Go away, Max! Boys have cooties!”
2: An adult says “Now, Samantha, be nice.”
3: Adult, holding up a finger with a wise expression, continues, “You know, you’re going to like a boy someday.”
4: Samantha, still disgusted: “ewww!!! I’ll never like boys!”
5: Two girls wearing wedding dresses and veils, holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes. Text at the top of the image reads: “And she never did.”]
(via thepainofthesass)
i hope everyone finds a reason to smile today. i know sometimes days can be really tough and you don’t know what you’re doing or why you’re here but just know that because you are alive, everything is possible.
(via littlestartopaz)
[video]
Disabled people’s lives are just as important and just as valuable as non-disabled people’s lives.
Just consider what the fact that this post hasn’t been shared outside tumblrs disabled communities says.
(via littlestartopaz)
when will “protecting family values” mean increasing aid for families in poverty and cracking down harder on abusive parents and assisting parents in paying for their children’s education instead of just being code for “we gotta stop the gays”
(Source: , via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
“Do you need an explanation for why there are dragons when the real world doesn’t have dragons? Because it’s a story. Do you need an explanation for why those dragons can fly when logically a creature of that size shouldn’t be able to do so? Because it’s a story. Do you need an explanation for why a human wiggling their fingers and saying certain words causes lightning to shoot out of them and fry that dragon to a crisp? Because it’s a story. Do you need a reason for why that finger-wiggling human is a gay woman and not a straight man? No, you don’t, because it’s the least absurd thing in this paragraph and you accept all of the others without question.”
— Rich Burlew, author of “The Order of the Stick”
(http://goo.gl/uENmqD)
(Source: masterofalltoasters, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
fats:
*banging my fists on a table* LET CASHIERS HAVE CHAIRS
Every time I see a cashier with a chair I’m like “I support this business”, no joke. That shit shows me that a company actually CARES about it’s employees. Quit making people stand on their feet for 8 hours straight that shit is torture.
(Source: splendidjames, via keeperofthehens)