Pros of ace friends:
“Netflix and chill” actually means watching a show and relaxing.
What is the other meaning?? Isn’t it supposed to actually mean watching a show and relaxing?
Apparently it’s supposed to mean “pretend like you’re inviting someone over for movies but it’s actually for sex.” So I’m definitely in the too asexual for this meme club.
-Mod Talie
Cons of being the ace friend:
You’re the only one who thinks ‘netflix and chill’ actually means watching a show and relaxing, and issuing invitations for such to others gets really awkward.
Fun story. I’m not ace, but I AM oblivious, so I bounded up to my roommate/friend a few months back when Netflix and chill was first a THING and I was like “Hey, bro, buddy, comrade, you want to hide in the dorm room tonight and watch Netflix and chill?” And there was at least one person near us who was like “This just in: we’ve officially confirmed that these two are banging.” And I kind of blinked because, yeah, everyone and their brother thinks my roommate and I are banging (including her girlfriend and the girlfriend is…remarkably okay with this), but I had no idea how one thing had turned into the other, and my roommate had to sit down and explain it to me after she stopped laughing.
[video]
[video]
Anonymous asked: could you write a tiny love letter to humanity?
THINGS I CURRENTLY LOVE ABOUT HUMANITY, A LIST
- The way brake lights flicker through the bare limbs of trees out the window of my apartment
- the soft grinding of the CTA line as it passes into night, carrying unknown individuals pats, to the dark
- our downstairs neighbors as they have soft, languorous sex, gently rattling our china cabinet as their headboard slams against the wall
- My criminal law professor, who (despite a rough, emotionally-scarring military and prosecutorial past) articulates the necessity of being open to criticism as “if I alienate you from learning, I have failed as a professor”
- the very gentle inquiries into what we’re all doing for spring break, the necessity of sunshine and/or our mothers’ cooking
- Talking about work/life balance with other law students, some of whom believe in nothing of the sort, and others who harbor that spark of romanticism, that love can be found in a desperate place
- How much people still long for external approval, even into their thirties and foties, so much as to be braggarts, desperate for external approval from law students ten to fifteen years their junior.
- You are never really not that person you were at twelve and thirteen. It will all be a little easier if you love them gently, and with kindness.
Super Tuesday. Bernie really gained some ground.
Hillary won all the states she was supposed to in an area of the country where most of the voters were coming out to vote for Republicans.
But Bernie won Minnesota and Colorado. (And OK and MN) which Hillary absolutely needed.
We are sitting really well, people. Don’t give up now. MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE you vote in the primaries. This is not something you can do ‘if you have time.’ This is the point where Hillary’s Superdelegates are going to start really paying attention and thinking about who is more electable.
Don’t let it be Hillary. There are major blue states coming up in the primaries. Sanders must win them. Your single vote can make a difference.THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT.
VOTE. PLEASE. VOOOOOTTTEEEEE.
(via allgreymatters)
[video]
Oh my God OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
You know I never actually read The Lord of the Rings Epilogue because I thought I couldn’t deal with it and you know what?
I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!
Have a look at this part and you will understand why
‘But the Elves are sailing away still, aren’t they, and soon there’ll be none, will there, dad?’ said Rose; ‘and then all will be just places, and very nice, but, but…’
‘But what, Rosie-lass?’
‘But not like in stories.’
‘Well, it would be so if they all was to sail,’ said Sam. ‘But I am told they aren’t sailing any more. The Ring has left the Havens, and those that made up their mind to stay when Master Elrond left are staying. And so there’ll be Elves still for many and many a day.’
‘Still I think it was very sad when Master Elrond left Rivendell and the Lady left Lórien,’ said Elanor. ‘What happened to Celeborn? Is he very sad?’
‘I expect so, dear. Elves are sad; and that’s what makes them so beautiful, and why we can’t see much of them. He lives in his own land as he always has done,’ said Sam. ‘Lórien is his land, and he loves trees.’
‘No one else in the world hasn’t got a Mallorn like we have, have they?’ said Merry. ‘Only us and Lord Keleborn.’
‘So I believe,’ said Sam. Secretly it was one of the greatest prides of his life. ‘Well, Keleborn lives among the Trees, and he is happy in his Elvish way, I don’t doubt. They can afford to wait, Elves can. His time is not come yet. The Lady came to his land and now she is gone; and he has the land still. When he tires of it he can leave it. So with Legolas, he came with his people and they live in the land across the River, Ithilien, if you can say that, and they’ve made it very lovely, according to Mr. Pippin. But he’ll go to Sea one day, I don’t doubt. But not while Gimli’s still alive.’
Is he very sad?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP LIVING AFTER THIS???
HELP ME. I DID NOT NEED THIS PAIN. This family is killing me. Whenever Celeborn is ready, Celebrían and Galadriel will be waiting for him.
@celeborn-of-doriath, Are you very sad?OMG YOU GUYS @silverhairedelf @tolkien-in-beleriand can we please just talk about how tragic and sad ALL of the Celeborn parts are? Can we talk about this until I am drunk off all this glorious, magical, delicious angst??
I love that part from the epilogue. It’s so sad but wonderful. And the prologue is just as sad.
“It is said that Celeborn went to dwell there after the departure of Galadriel; but there is no record of the day when at last he sought the Grey Havens, and with him went the last living memory of the Elder Days in Middle-earth.”
FOTR prologue, p. 15, Houghton Mifflin 1987 edition
So he goes but takes the last memory of the elves with him!?!? JUST MURDER MY HEART ALREADY. but are we done with Celeborn angst yet? Aw hell no y’all.
“Drink, Lord of the Galadhrim! And let not your heart be sad, though night must follow noon, and already our evening draweth nigh.” - Galadriel to Celeborn, FOTR, Farewell to Lórien, p. 365, Houghton Mifflin 1987 edition
HOW IS IT SO ROMANTIC AND PAINFUL AT THE SAME TIME?!?!
“Kinsman, farewell! May your doom be other than mine, and your treasure remain with you to the end!” - Celeborn to Aragorn, ROTK, Many Partings, p. 260, Houghton Mifflin 1987 edition
I’ve heard some people say they think in the above Celeborn is referencing Lórien, which doesn’t make sense for a lot of reasons, but this debate is easily solved by reading Tolkien’s letters, where he directly states Celeborn is speaking about Galadriel here as his ‘treasure’.
AND ARE YOU CRYING YET??? Celeborn has some super sad lines that I think get overlooked, or that people just don’t realize are there. So tragic. I love him. Help. Help me. It hurts.
Since my heart is breaking into thousands of pieces, I thought I would also contribute some sad lines that Celeborn says. Let me remind you of Celeborn’s prediction of the end of Middle Earth.
“‘Now is the time,’ [Celeborn] said, ‘when those who wish to continue the Quest must harden their hearts and leave this land. Those who no longer wish to go forward may remain here, for a while. But whether they stay or go, none can be sure of peace. For we are come now to the edge of doom. Here those who wish to await the oncoming of the hour till either the ways of the world lie open again, or we summon them to the last need of Lórien. Then they may return to their own lands, or else go to the long home of those that fall in battle.’”
-Celeborn to The Company
(The Fellowship of the Ring 358)Excuse me, Celeborn? None can be sure of peace? We are come now to the edge of doom? Then they may return to their own lands, or else go to the long home of those that fall in battle? CAN YOU STAB ME JUST ONE MORE TIME? I don’t think you’ve hurt me enough yet.
I have yet another example of sad Celeborn (and Galadriel) lines.
“'It is sad that we should meet only thus at the ending. For the world is changing: I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, and I smell it in the air. I do not think we shall meet again’ [said Treebeard].
And Celeborn said: ‘I do not know, Eldest.’ But Galadriel said: ‘Not in Middle-earth, nor until the lands that lie under the wave are lifted up again. Then in the willow-meads of Tasarinan we may meet in the Spring. Farewell!’”
-Treebeard, Celeborn, and Galadriel in conversation
(The Return of the King 959)
WHY? I also would like to touch upon the example you brought up about Celeborn taking the last living memory of the Elves with him when he sails. Can you imagine what he must have felt? He probably held on so long in Middle Earth BECAUSE he knew that when he goes, ALL THE ELVES GO WITH HIM. How depressing is that? Celeborn carried the memory of his people. That is no light weight to carry. He probably had to come to terms with letting that memory slip away from Middle Earth before he could sail. He had to be content in some weird way that the memory of the Elves would be no more once he left. POOR CELEBORN. MY HEART IS ACHING, EVERYONE.**Quoted material from the Complete Classic Harper Collins 1994 edition
@celeborn-of-doriath and @tolkien-in-beleriand, this post has become one long post of very real Celeborn feelings, AND I LOVE IT. It’s heart-breaking, BUT I LOVE IT.I am going to murder both of you for making me remember
“It is said that Celeborn went to dwell there after the departure of Galadriel; but there is no record of the day when at last he sought the Grey Havens, and with him went the last living memory of the Elder Days in Middle-earth.”
and
“'It is sad that we should meet only thus at the ending. For the world is changing: I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, and I smell it in the air. I do not think we shall meet again’ [said Treebeard].
And Celeborn said: ‘I do not know, Eldest.’ But Galadriel said: ‘Not in Middle-earth, nor until the lands that lie under the wave are lifted up again. Then in the willow-meads of Tasarinan we may meet in the Spring. Farewell!’”
-Treebeard, Celeborn, and Galadriel in conversationI HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THESE TWO BITS SPECIFICALLY!
Now I’ll just get back to my tears.
(via determamfidd)
areyouseriouslyfuckingmerightnow:
Hey Tumblr. Go vote.
(via ailleee)
i love the mythbusters they’re like those weird uncles that you only see occasionally at big family reunions and every time you see them they’re like, “hey kid, wanna see what happens when we light a bee hive full of jalapeños and grenades on fire and shoot it?” and you’re like “uncle adam no” but it’s too late and there go your mother’s hydrangeas
(Source: saintalia, via fireflyca)
I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.
I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?
All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.
The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.
Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.
Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.
Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.
If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.
So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”
This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.
When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.
A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.
And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.
(via princehal9000)