Considering the staggering amount of votes this one got, here you go!
ok so it’s my sweet sixteen and i took two of my closest friends paintballing. We started off alone with just the three of us. Me and this girl formed a truce so we could take out her brother. He found a building with a roof to shoot from so i was criss crossing and sliding behind shelters.
Long story short with this guy i snuck up behind his building and shot him point blank in the ass while he was climbing a ladder.
Except now his sister is my enemy and a much larger threat.
I criss cross my way back narrowly avoiding being shot. I skid to a stop behind this bush with a really gappy fence and go GOOD ENOUGH BRING IT ON and poke my muzzle through. I cant particularly see but I remembered seeing her in a little chapel window. I aim that general direction and open fire. I immediately hear HIT. When she comes out i see where i hit her. Right between the eyes like I couldnt do that again if I tried. Ill take it.
We’re back at the base ops and these massive dudes come over like “yo wanna join us we need more players” and we’re like “oh ya bud the more the merrier” so we go over and everyone is freaking massive and there’s us three tiny lil teenagers. I over hear they’re a military team and just sigh because i know im dead this is just my luck
Apparently they wanted us so that they could simulate having civilian to protect, who were also armed. (They did a piss poor job of this seriously wtf)
So the game starts and im seperated from my friends. They’re on the opposite team.
Im sticking near the leader and just generally trying not to die. He’s giving me orders as softly and nicely as he can, thinking Im scared. I mean really who wouldnt be?
I wasnt. I was ready to kick butt. When I am silent, be afraid, im planning something.
Next thing i know he’s gone. Shot, running, hiding i dont know and i dont care i gotta move there are way too many heavily armed men in these woods for me to be comfortable
Im trekking through this woodsy area keeping as low as possible because the other team has a freaking sniper and im not dealing with that no thanks im just a tiny teenager leave me alone ok
Im doing my thing and trying to find people to shoot because everyone is mia when i see people ahead.
Not my people.
And they havent seen me yet. Im looking around looking for some decent cover or somewhere to take them by surprise and there is nothing. The entire area is just thistle bushes with massive thorns. And then my idea hits. A wicked, mischievous idea. I grin behind my mask and get ready to lay my trap.
I plop myself down right in the middle of these thistles and army crawl to the path their taking and just lay still.
These guys dont see me.
They’re not expecting someone to be in these bushes cause who is that dumb.
The one dudes boot is an inch from my hand and i spring up and yell SURPRISE before shooting him right in the chest and then the two behind him. Three down, way too many to go. I ran away cackling like a witch
Dont die dont die dont die
I head out again and meet up with some more of my group. They stick me at the back to keep me out of harms way. A valiant, if ineffective effort
Enter enemy attack.
We get split up into two groups to flank them and i end up alone again. I moving slowly, spinning in a slow circled because I am EFFED
I’m a tiny lil sixteen year old girl, all alone, with about 15 guns pointed at me. I was completely surrounded. My comrades who had fled to live and fight another day are now making haste towards me like WHO LEFT THE KID BEHIND HELP HER and im like
hell no i got this
I went absolutely ape shit on their asses.
Shots are flying around me like crazy and everyone is screaming. One of the enemies shouts FALL BACK WHAT THE FU–
I hear one if my partners like HOLY SHIT SHE’S ALIVE
I barrel over one of the attackers and side arm his gun away. I break out from the Circle of Doom and make a mad dash for cover.
I leap into the air and spin to fave them. Im not getting shot in the back I an a WARRIOR
I just start spraying with a battle cry to rattle the heavens
I smack back down to earth and land in a crouch
Every single one of the attackers were shot, usually multiple times, and i didnt get shot once. Frankly no clue how i managed but I am NOT questioning it. Luck or skill I dont care
Eventually it was down to two people. Me and the other teams captain.
He’s a big, scary dude. He had a custom gun that could pop off a frankly alarming amount of shots per second.
The odds arent exactly in my favour.
We find each other right in the middle with trenches and tiny little metal fences for cover. Im walking through like plz dont shoot me i am small be nice
The dude pops up from a trench and starts firing. No mercy here.
Fine then.
I duck behind a fence and it is the most pathetic thing i have ever seen.
I have barely enough room to crouch behind it because it’s so small. The other dude finds a nice big trench and big fence the lucky lil jerk.
So we’re poppin up like weasels trying to get a shot in. I cant hit him, he cant hit me. Up and down and up and down. My fence angles down ever so slightly so im tucked in as tightly as I could. My fence is rattling as shot after shot after shot hits. The shots stop, i poke my muzzle over the edge amd lay down some fire.
And the cycle repeats
I get tired of this little exchange so the next time he goes down i lay on some cover fire and sprint like hell for a near by trench like i am just bookin it thinking dont shoot me dont shoot me imma kill you
i slide in and pop up just as he rises to take a shot. Except im not where he thought id be.
I shot him right in the side of his bald lil head.
So i won. My team legit carried me on their shoulders back to base ops
And that’s the time I, a sixteen year old girl, beat a team of militarily trained behemoths
Imagine the Aliens’ reactions if this happened to them
Can you even imagine?? Just this litrlw teenager screaming BRING IT ON YA JERKS
@humans-are-seriously-weird is this an accurate representation (I would have added a gif of one of those action heroes beating up everybody around them but I couldn’t find one)
i realize i’m maybe like, the Nichest of markets here, but i really really really desperately want to watch further adventures of Diana Prince, Curator of Antiquities™
…like, imagine the interdepartmental meetings
Diana: we have recently acquired several exquisite pieces of very early minoan kamares ware. i feel a refresh of the gallery might encourage our visitors to–
some marketing dipshit: look, we can’t get people in the door for pottery. we need another big show, like can you get a vermeer or–
Diana of Themiscrya, Amazon, God-Killer, Daughter of Hippolyta: pottery is important
some marketing dipshit, lightly pissing himself: i agree
Not only will I join you in the Nichest of Markets, but I am suddenly stricken by the dismay that can only come from a depressing awareness of how niche this market is. Does anyone…like…have fic?
“Here you are, Ms. Prince,” says the mail currier. He grabs the tablet from his back pocket, presenting it to her. “If you’ll just sign right there…”
“Of course,” says Diana. She scrawls her name, and the currier dutifully passes over the package. It is reasonably sized, stocky, with the words FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE written along the edges of the Wayne Enterprises logo. “Same time next week?”
The currier laughs. “More than likely, I’d wager. Weird that Mr. Wayne has taken a sudden interest in supplementing the Louvre with his own private collection, but hey. Billionaires, right? Who knows what they’re thinking.”
Diana thinks of the museums in Gotham, filled to the brim with some of the world’s most beautiful antiquities and artifacts, and about Bruce Wayne who cares not a lick about any one them but takes ownership of them anyway for the sole purpose of having free exhibitions open to the general public five days a week. She smiles, agrees, and waves the currier off, until the next time.
She is examining the dish (Uruk period, likely kiln production, as it is a strange almost-blue tint that suggests a high-temperature controlled oven), when Isabell in charge of Eastern Eurasian arts knocks lightly on her half-open door and lets herself in.
“New delivery?” she asks, nodding to the dish.
“Yes.” Carefully, Diana puts the dish back in its box. She makes a note to have one of her assistants come by later to pick it up and send it down to the lab for testing. “The meeting?”
“Oh, uh.” Isabell in charge of Eastern Eurasian arts clears her throat and looks briefly at the floor, embarrassed. Diana lets her have a moment, used to the reaction. “Yeah. Want to walk together?”
Diana is already walking around her, throwing her disposable gloves in the garbage as she passes. “Sure,” she says anyway and waits for Isabell by the door. Isabell jolts when she realizes Diana is already ahead of her. Diana politely chooses to ignore that.
It’s only when she is seated besides Isabell in charge of Eastern Eurasian arts and Haruki in charge of philanthropic outreach that she remembers: Timothy in charge of corporate marketing is going to be at this meeting as well.
She nearly groans aloud, already anticipating his tirade on diminishing returns this financial quarter and his chart predicting a downward trend of attendance among younger visitors.
Timothy in charge of corporate marketing does not disappoint. After the heads of every department say their piece and give the customary updates, Timothy in charge of corporate marketing has an assistant hold out a poster board detailing their declining revenue and inability to attract attention. For nearly half the appointed time for the meeting, he speaks, pointing back to his poster board at regular intervals with frothing enthusiasm.
“Well,” says Diana, when Timothy in charge of corporate marketing finally allows the department heads to speak. “We have recently acquired several exquisite pieces of Early Minoan Kamares ware. I feel a refresh of the gallery might encourage our visitors to—”
“Ms. Prince,” Timothy in charge of corporate marketing interrupts. He is smiling, not unkindly, in the way a headmaster might at a particularly rambunctious child. Diana feels her fist curl, despite herself. “We can’t get people in the door for pottery.” He laughs. “No, no, we’d need something bigger. Grander, you understand. Something that will hold our visitors’ attention. Perhaps if you could get a Vermeer, yes? I hear you’ve been receiving packages from Bruce Wayne himself, and he has a lovely piece, if I do remember correctly. Maybe try asking—”
The way Timothy in charge of corporate marketing says asking, Diana knows that is far from what he actually means. She is about as likely to follow through with that as she is to ask Timothy for anything.
As calmly as she can, she places both hands atop the table and uncurls her fists. Below her fingers, a minuscule part of the grained wood chips. She extends her spine, sitting straight, and beside her, Isabell in charge of Eastern Eurasian arts swallows.
“Tim,” she cuts in. “For how many quarters have our returns, as you keep reminding us, diminished?”
Timothy in charge of corporate marketing blinks. He squints. “Well, I would say for nearly six quarters now.”
“Hm. And remind me, how long have you been with us here?”
The room has the same quality of quiet that Diana is intimately familiar with, bordering on dangerous.
“Nearly six quarters, if memory serves,” says Diana.
“Now, Ms. Prince,” Timothy in charge of corporate marketing blusters, “if you are implying that somehow I am responsible for the state of our returns—”
“I am not implying anything. Just perhaps that big shows and singular centerpieces are not the way for us to go. Isabell?”
Isabell in charge of Eastern Eurasian arts jolts and looks up at her, wide-eyed. “Yes?”
“Didn’t you recently acquire some newly discovered Jomon pieces?”
“Yes.”
“Of course, it’s a matter of opinion, but if we were to redesign the gallery to incorporate the different wares from different eras and locales, it might encourage our visitors to learn more about them and could even encourage repeat visits.”
“I suppose…” allows Timothy in charge of corporate marketing.
Diana stares at him, the same way she might have once stared down her own mother to let her leave Themyscira or even looked down on Ares as he tried to tempt her to his side. She stares at him, and remembers with a certainty that has been granted to her after years in man’s world that he is but a man and like any man, he is fragile and breakable, when she is not.
“Pottery is important, Tim,” she says.
Trembling, unable to meet her eye, Timothy in charge of corporate marketing agrees.
YOU DID THE THING YOU WENT FORTH AND DID IT I SALUTE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!
the fact that divine leliana absolutely refuses to hire anyone that doesn’t get along with her nug babies is the most charming and delightful thing in the world and if i didn’t already want to marry her i’d want to marry her even more
ALSO the fact that in the face of rumors about her inappropriate relationship with the warden she just straight up erased the laws against it like
“most holy you’re not really supposed to be making out with your girlfriend in the grand cathedral all the time”
“who’s going to stop me?? the divine?? well i asked me and i now declare us divine and wife, au revoir”
For those of you Not Up To Date, Shiko is my poor necromancer who starts out as the villain of my Alleirat story.
36: Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them?
Ha ha, um? Depends on the emotion. Now, Shiko grew up as a trans girl in a Japanese family. I have More Research lined up and if anyone was comfortable talking to me about life as a trans person in Japan, I’d be thrilled, but I’m making the radical leap that life as a trans person anywhere comes with a certain degree of learning emotional control to not shiv ignorant morons every other day (extrapolated from being a butch queer in a small town as well as various conversations with my trans friends). More to the point, Shiko’s life on Earth often left her feeling very isolated for a number of reasons, which has led her to a good degree of control over her emotions as she doesn’t like to be seen to be upset or distressed. So anger, sadness, etc, not so much–she’s very good at tactical thinking and resisting the immediate impulse to do something to ‘resolve’ the emotion unless she decides it’s a good idea objectively.
That being said, Shiko doesn’t respond well to fear, specifically fear of the unknown, and will immediately grasp at any option that she feels will give her some control over an unknown situation–like for example winding up in a strange world where no one speaks English or Japanese and she can see ghosts. Pretty much Shiko’s response to that sort of event is whatever she feels will give her some understanding and control…with absolutely no thought for what it might result in.
This is the source of like 95% of her problems. The other 5% is caused by buff tree women.
Anonymous asked: Moran, have you seen John Wick 1 or 2? And if you have, what are your thoughts/feelings on the ball of angry Keanu Reeves plays?
I have seen John Wick and very much want to see John Wick 2 because I will tell you a few things that are very important to me:
Angry Keanu Reeves
Beautifully choreographed fight scenes
Dogs! (Yes a dog dies and it’s very sad but he gETS ANOTHER DOG, headcanon that John Wick is the only assassin in the world who has 15 dogs at home, they’re all beautiful and incredibly well cared for and he loved them all very much.)
Beautifully choreographed fight scenes iN SUITS
Honestly Keanu Reeves in general? I like him a lot. I was introduced to Bill & Ted very young and have not been able to figure out what the fuck people’s issue with him is since then. I recommend Constantine for more gratuitous Keanu Reeves violence with intricate underworlds and good one-liners. Constantine is one of my top five favorite movies and I’m actually weirdly into the theology in it.
Complex networks of underground criminal enterprises with Rules (and God save you if you break The Rules)
Literally any form of media in which the main character is the best and most competent person in any given room, and which isn’t afraid to embrace that wholeheartedly (I really dislike the concept of a character being ‘too competent’ but that’s a separate rant)
Neutral ground hotels/bars/whatever
The moment on the phone with the Russian mob boss where he’s very angry that someone dared to hit his (useless) son, and he’s told that the guy killed John Wick’s dog and took his car, and the mob boss just goes very silent for a moment before he says “Oh”
So anyway I love that movie it’s very fun and I like movies with a lot of gratuitous detail in their criminal empires. Also apparently Keanu Reeves trained for John Wick at the same time that Charlize Theron was training for Atomic Blonde (I haven’t even seen that movie yet but I can already tell you: we could make a religion out of that) and they sparred a lot during that time period.
“It started because I was doing a press conference, and someone was like, “Oh, we loved The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” And I was like, “Well you know we’re doing another one!” And everyone was like “WOAH!” So then I left the press conference and I e-mailed Guy, the director, and Lionel, the producer, and I was like, “Uuuhhh, just a heads up guys, I just told a room full of international reporters that you’re working on another Man From U.N.C.L.E. Soooo when are you getting the script ready?“ And the response was “… are you serious?” I was like, “Yeah, pretty serious.” And then the news started to come out and Lionel wrote back, and he was like “Well, I’ll have a script by the end of the year.””
—
Armie Hammer talking about how he really came thru for us to bring us the Man From U.N.C.L.E. sequel we deserve, The Today Show, June 5
There’s a nice explanation of this in the fic, but here is the new system for posting: Dragon Age on Wednesdays (this fic), Animorphs on Saturdays or Sundays (this series), and variousongoinglongerfics replacing one of those two whenever a chapter is finished. Tumblr fic is just going up when it’s done.
