the weirdest thing about the education system is that pretty much every teenager ever is so stressed out about schools that they pray for disasters or fake illness or try to kill themselves and yet nobody has ever thought to themselves “hey maybe our system is flawed” and instead all they ever think is “kids these days are so lazy and selfish” like what the fuck is up with that man
(Source: stickingplxce, via academicfeminist)
[video]
winter walk dog safety!
please wipe your pups paws after taking them on a winter walk. un-purified rock salts contain traces of heavy metals such as mercury and lead. however, most municipalities in north america use ferrocyanide (a form known to cause cancer) as an anti-caking agent to facilitate the spreading of rock salt and prevent clumping. these ice melter toxins combined with antifreeze (ethylene glycol, that’s been spilled onto roads/sidewalks/driveways) are known to irritate pets who lick their paws and ingest these chemicals in harmful quantities after their winter walks. dogs that have stepped in antifreeze will be inclined to lick it because it smells and tastes SWEET.
antifreeze poisoning symptoms:
- lack of coordination
- excessive drinking and urination
- gastrointestinal irritation
- coma, seizures, and/or deathrock salt poisoning symptoms:
- burns to the mouth
- dehydration
- raw and sore paws
- liver and kidney failure
- pancreatitisprotect your furry four legged pals this winter season!! i had a dog ingest antifreeze after licking some off someone’s driveway and it was heartbreaking watching his condition worsen while on the way to the vet. he ended up being treated and made full recovery but i would have been devastated if it was anything other than old age that took him from me. stay safe!
A lot of stores sell a pet-safe ice melter to use on your own driveways and stairways! (It’s Morton that produces it - same brand that makes a ton of table salt.) I can’t speak much for other brands, but Morton’s Saf-T-Pet ice melt is PROVEN to be very gentle and safe for them. I know for sure you can get it at Walmart, PetSmart, and at mortonsalt.com itself.
(Bonus: Saf-T salt is even safe for plants, and won’t damage your car’s metal exterior, concrete fillings, or any metal decorations or tools, the way chloride salts will!)
Also, even if you wipe off enough to not hurt their insides when they groom themselves, their paw pads are still extremely sensitive, and being exposed to all the ice and chemicals can hurt their pads long before you wipe it off. :c So I HIGHLY recommend not only wiping their paws off, but also rubbing in a pet-safe oil.
~ Don’t let their paw pads dry out! (That can cause cracking, bleeding, and general irritation and itchiness. It’s not fun.) Olive oil, salmon oil, and coconut oil are all perfectly safe for them to swallow (barring any allergies), AND very healthy for their skin!~ It’ll help keep their paws moisturized.
~ Lotions and salves that are made specifically for dogs’ paws really DO make a difference this time of year! A lot of them contain aloe and vitamin E to help the skin stay healthy, and fight off toxins and irritation itself. Personally, I’d go for the ones made with linolin and other additional herbs to help soothe away any itches and irritation.
~ If your pet’s paws are already already itchy and swollen, cracked, red, bleeding, or otherwise susceptible to infection: I highly recommend looking for a lotion with glycerin in the ingredients. Glycerin is an all-natural, nontoxic antibacterial that cleanses and softens, which will help prevent further irritation, and also prevent infection.
~ NOTE! Yes, dog-specific products can be a little more expensive than people products, ounce for ounce. BUT, dogs and people have very different skin pH. If you don’t want to take a trip out to the pet store to protect their paws, please avoid using human products as a substitution.
~ If your dog will tolerate them, waterproof paw protectors (shoes for pets) look a little silly, but they really do the job!
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
of course, the irony about this cartoon - which I assume is meant to demonstrate shallow selfie culture desecrating the great classics - is that among other things a) hamlet is a disaffected young man suffering from depression and, frankly, deeply self-absorbed and b) the entire play is obsessed with the idea of performance and performativity and so absolutely hamlet taking selfies would be in the spirit of the original because a selfie is a new way of constructing the self through images
so what I’m saying is: fuck off culture snobs I’m coming for you
(via clockwork-mockingbird)
“A Fragment out of Time”, published in 1974.
Kirk / Spock.
page 1
page 2I had to share it with you because I can’t stop laughing, and every time I reread it it just gets funnier and fUNNIER
This fan fiction is older than the push-through tabs on soda cans.
Your grandma wrote this on her Commodore 64.
I miss my Commodore 64
Oh my dear, sweet children. The Commodore 64 came out in 1982. This was produced on a typewriter and probably mimeographed. And while it may seem funny now, it took more courage to write and distribute this than you will ever know.
Reblogged for that last comment.
respect your elders
Children, in the olden days fanfiction was written on a typewriter, copied and sent by snail mail. Getting one one of those letters from across the world was every bit as exciting as getting a notification that your favorite writer posted a new fic.
(Source: acroscigno, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
See what pops up first with these words:
Ass, shit, bitch, fuck, damn
(Source: jonahjeremiah, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”
this post had me in tears
I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:
I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,
My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn
Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”
Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.
This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))
I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”
Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.
When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”
something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”
one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say “i’m so pumped for the birds” and “i’m so hyped for the birds” and instead i said “i’m so humped for birds”
Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniffing me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like “hello” or “good morning” or “cute dog” or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying “thank you”.
I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”
I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”
I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T
There’s so many new stories on this since the last time I saw it and fuck I am laughing so hard I think I’m annoying my roommate
These are too damn good to pass up reading!
Four years ago: in class, I meant to say “in-text citations” but thought “works cited” and also messed up the order of words all at once. I said “sex work in cites” and that was the end of class that day.
My college is tiny and my class was small enough that all the professors do a receiving line and shake the hands of all the graduates after the ceremony. They were all saying, “Congratulations.” And I was super flustered and realized about a third of the way down the line that I was saying, “Congratulations” back to each professor. So then I said, “You’re welcome.” And then I just made mumbly sounds and waited for it to be over.
I stayed up late talking to a friend on Skype and France came up for some reason, so I said I could never live in France because I don’t know Spanish. He made me go to bed after that.
I was working at a doctor’s office and someone called asking me to fax them a document. I faxed it while on the phone and told them it was done. They said “thank you” and I think I was trying to say “no problem” but ended up just saying “no” and hanging up
back when i was in highschool, i was answering a question about a text the teacher gave us and i was hesitating between saying “what this means to say” and “the meaning of this text” and i blurted out “the meaning of this sex” while looking my teacher dead in the eye. He dismissed us because he was laughing too hard.
I was talking to a friend of mine and I tried saying “go suck a dick” and “go fuck yourself” at the same time and it came out “go fuck your dick”
I’m in tears. This post is amazing.
(Source: archive95205, via clockwork-mockingbird)
[video]
but what was your /least/ favorite book in high school? reblog and put it in the tags! start a fight with your friends!
ill start it off: mine was the bluest eye.
(via fireflyca)
^reblogging again for that gif
Accurate gif is accurate
but the real question: Is that Tumblr or Facebook latched on to Yzma’s ass?
C’mon, now, I haven’t even seen the movie and I know Yzma is definitely Tumblr (mildly-to-severely bonkers, with a penchant for highly complex schemes) and the crocodile is Facebook (anyone with family they don’t get on with should agree with me).
(Source: crossedoutlitanies, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
