[video]
Some examples of why the Oxford comma is generally a good idea
Please don’t let the Oxford comma die. If you were apathetic about it before, I think this will help you understand why it is necessary.
(via bronzedragon)
I want an inverse spy flick. The spy is a woman. Her whole team is made up of diverse women. All the villains are women. There is only one man in the entire movie and he is a Strong Male Character who is like 25 and decently ripped and has a scene where he slowly steps out of a pool wearing speedos because he is Confident and In Control of His Sexuality. We see his ass when he has to tug down his pants to get at the knife strapped to his thigh. His nipples are always erect for no fucking reason.
They are undercover in a nightclub. In order to keep their cover from being blown, he has to kiss another man.
He knits to relieve stress and to keep his mind sharp. It is never discussed by any of the characters.
Someone asks him how he knows how to do Traditionally Feminine Thing. “I have four sisters,” he answers.
This is also how he knows how to fight while armed with nothing but a purse, a high heel shoe, and a can of hair spray. During this fight, he is, for no apparent reason, shirtless.
The lead spy is Helen Mirren. She nails the Action Boy in the shower. There’s a lot of lingering closeups on the way the shower spray runs across his breathlessly ecstatic face. We also hear every breathless whimper of his climax, while out in the hallway Lucy Liu is smoking impatiently, a duffel bag full of rocket launchers slung over her shoulder. The President isn’t going to kidnap herself, here, christ.
Action Boy emerges in a small towel, sheepish yet radiant. Helen Mirren emerges in a tuxedo, also smoking, also with a duffel bag of rocket launchers.
In one scene, the lead villain captures the Strong Male Character. He is, once more, inexplicably shirtless as she ties him to the chair. He makes some quips about his sexual independence before he is rescued by a sweat-drenched Helen Mirren, who kicks down the door and nukes everyone in the room. Strong Male Character’s hair remains perfect throughout the ordeal.
Strong Male Character is heartlessly slain in front of Helen Mirren’s eyes despite all of his skills and combat prowess. His body slumps to the ground, lifeless but supple. Helen Mirren makes a witty quip at Strong Male Character’s killers before quickly and dramatically slaying them all.
She steals one last glance at Strong Male Character. His beautiful eyes stare back from a handsome face with perfectly tussled hair, lips positioned a if in a gentle sigh. There’s no bringing him back now. Helen Mirren walks away, stronger than before. Strong Male Character’s death has hardened her, but given her the strength and resolve to complete her task.
Roll credits.
An after credits preview clip comes on as a teaser. Helen Mirren with a huge explosion tearing things up behind her walks toward the camera with a new Strong Male Character wearing the tiny, tattered remnants of a burned shirt about his flexing pecs and deltoids, and he is carrying the bag of rocket launchers as he steps in behind her.
So Matt Bomer?
I’m seeing Matt Bomer
and then fandom burns itself to the ground trying to find some guy to slash him with
Nah, Matt Bomer is almost 40. Despite his good looks and great bod, he’s way too old to play the shaggable romantic supporting character to 70-year-old Helen Mirren.
Matt Bomer plays Helen Mirren’s sadder-but-wiser ex, computer-savvy, gorgeous but still single, fiercely independent (but it’s all an act).
Helen Mirren shows up on his doorstep to ask him for one last hacker job, for old time’s sake. Matt hauls off to slap Helen in the face, but Helen catches his wrist, pulls him close, and kisses him long and hard. Matt struggles at first but finally melts into her embrace.
Lucy Liu strolls past them into Matt’s chic apartment, slapping Matt on the ass as she mutters “Some things never change, do they?”
Late the next night, as Matt and Helen hack into the CIA database, Helen tucks a stray lock of Matt’s hair behind his ear and asks him why there’s no husband or kids in the picture after all this time.
Matt turns his sad, beautiful eyes toward her and confesses that there has only ever been Helen for him, but he couldn’t stand never knowing if she would come back alive when she left on a mission. Helen and Matt nearly have a moment, but the computer beeps with the results of their search.
The next morning, Helen goes into the kitchen to find Matt’s 20-year-old nephew has come to stay for the weekend. Helen and the camera slowly pan up and down his gorgeous, toned, oiled-up and glistening body as he stands, nearly-naked but for his tight, black satin booty-short underwear, and starts making a gourmet vegetarian omelet.
He turns around and smiles at Helen. “You must be a friend of Uncle Matt. I’m Caden. You hungry?”
Helen’s eyes drift down to Caden’s bulging crotch. “Oh, I could eat,” she quips.
Helen Mirren and the actor who plays the 20 year old nephew get together in real life. Everyone is delighted by this.
I don’t think financing this would be a problem; distribution probably would. We could hack into the network feed for the Super Bowl, perhaps.
(via notahotlibrarian)
On a scale of Poe Dameron to Max Rockatansky, how well do you handle someone taking your jacket.
It depends. On a scale of Finn to some fuck-ass war boy, how good do you look in my jacket?
(via bronzedragon)
our new currency is metal as fuck
im gonna hoard a big pile of these and sleep on them like a dragon
Oh my god please please let me get one of these
(Source: transgirlpeach, via fireflyca)
Whatever you do, don’t think about the Leverage OT3 dressing up as the new Star Wars OT3 for Halloween or a con or something. DON’T DO IT. IT WILL CONSUME YOU.
seriously my favorite part about this post is that is it a con or a con? or a con AT a con? the team has to take down some corporate exec who is also a huge nerd, but like, one of those gatekeeping “real” geek boy types, and so they target him at a con. Hardison convinces the others that they have to go in cosplay or else they’ll stand out too much, which is the only reason Eliot reluctantly agrees to go along with it, but when they get to the con and he sees all the laypeople in street clothes, he’s like “dammit, Hardison!”
Hardison has of course made sure they all had a crash course/refresher on the movies, but he’s still prompting Eliot on the comms when Eliot has to prove his nerd cred to the Big Bad, but then the Big Bad asks something Hardison doesn’t know, and while he’s like “hold on just stall until I can look up the answer,” Eliot pulls the “excuse me but your question shows that you’re the one that doesn’t know what he’s talking about” because Eliot is secretly a huge nerd.
and of course their props are actually disguised hacking/thieving equipment, and Hardison has a model BB8 that he programs to follow Eliot around, and when Eliot is finally like “ok so what’s the robot for?” Hardison’s like “lol I didn’t put anything in the robot, it’s just there because it’s cool.” “Dammit, Hardison!”
also they get periodically mobbed by fangirl shippers who keep requesting photos of the trio in various combinations and with varying levels of shippiness. Eliot doesn’t catch on until one snaps a photo of Hardison smooching his cheek (”Dammit, Hardison!” They know he’s only pretending to be annoyed though.)
a smol child dressed as Poe Dameron is too shy to ask Eliot for a picture, so Eliot asks him for one, and when some older kids try harassing the little one about his obviously low-budget homemade cosplay, Eliot shuts them down.
the Big Bad is dressed as Kylo Ren (Parker can’t remember his name and just calls him “Baby Darth”) and at the climax of the episode, he figures out that he’s being conned and goes after Parker, and they end up fighting with found objects that bear a suspicious resemblance to light sabers. Parker manages to get away by luring him over to where Eliot and Hardison’s fangirls are, who have of course recorded the entire fight on their phones, and thus have also recorded his confession to skimming money from the con or paying off lawyers to dismiss misconduct charges or copyright infringement or whatever.
(via princehal9000)
[video]
[video]
It would be so nice to be in an apartment right now with really big open windows and lots of bright light pouring in and and long curtains and the smell of rain floating through it
The Millennial generation is so broke we’re romanticizing decent housing.
Im so sad
(via thepainofthesass)
It’s not just a Flint problem: Other U.S. cities are suffering from toxic water
(via bonehandledknife)