You never know if someone needs this. Reblog this, even if its not your ‘blog type’. Just do it.
Yes, please reblog
Do it. Now.
i sat here and thought about reblogging this or not but then i realized how many peoplefeel suicidal, and i have too its not dan and phil but i could honestly care less, bc i rather have someone not die then make sure i strictly stay to my ‘blog type’
Zeus:
Don’t fight Zeus. You’ll only end up sleeping with him. On second thought, do fight Zeus.
Hera:
Look, I’m not saying anyone is really going to try to stop you, but I am saying she is petty as shit and will dedicate the rest of your life to destroying you in other ways. Your call.
Poseidon:
You could probably fight Poseidon. Dude is built like a brick shithouse but he’d think it was a good time and buy you a beer afterwards.
Demeter:
Are you fucking kidding? She created a new season the last time someone really pissed her off. Do not fucking fight Demeter.
Hades:
Fight Hades, but only in spring, and then ask to see pictures of his dog.
Hestia:
Are you Satan
Aphrodite:
Arguably the lowest reward to risk ratio on this list. What is even the point here. Might as well save us all some time and punch yourself in the groin.
Athena:
If you must, a sneak attack is required, and even then you’re still probably boned. Alternately, distract her first with statements such as “Mozart is an overrated hack” and “Garfield is not funny.”
Hephaestus:
You could beat Hephaestus. You could not beat Hephaestus’ robot army. Do not fight Hephaestus.
Ares:
Absolutely fight Ares. This is a no-brainer. Literally everyone wants you to kick Ares’ ass including Ares. You might feel bad when he starts crying but only if you are weak.
Artemis:
Do not fight Artemis. Do not talk to Artemis. Do not look at Artemis. Do not think about Artemis.
Apollo:
What did I just fucking say
Hermes:
You could beat him if you could catch him, but you can’t, and even if you did, he would convince you to talk it out instead, buy you a drink, and be gone before you noticed your wallet was missing. Avoid.
Dionysus:
Dionysus is an easy fight until he decides not to be. You could fight Dionysus but under no circumstances force him to give a shit.
Persephone:
Don’t fight Persephone. She will beat you up. Her mom will beat you up. Her husband will probably also be unpleasant and disapproving in some way. Listen to trash pop with Persephone instead.
Hebe:
Idk man, she bites.
Iris:
Yo have you ever tried to punch a rainbow?
Heracles:
Dude has seen some shit. You may think you’re bad enough but you really aren’t. There is literally no way this could end well for you. Do not fight Heracles.
It’s so fucked when you lose your glasses like you need them to see so how are you supposed to look for them cause you can’t see shit
you do realize that people don’t turn blind when they don’t have glasses on right? Everything is just a little blurry
Yes thank you I’ve been wearing glasses for 10 years I know how it is when I can’t find mine which is why I made this post
Try having -9.75 prescriptions. I cannot see past my nose without glasses/contacts. It’s not just a little blurry at alllll.
Backup glasses in every room!
Excuse u idk about u but I for one am not made of money
Besides, even just ‘a little bit blurry’ can be enough to prevent you from seeing your glasses even when they’re right in plain sight, especially if your frames are not an eye-catching colour.
I have three pairs of glasses - the current up-to-date prescription set which I wear everyday, the ones I had before that which are now my spares, which are kept in a glasses case in a very specific spot in my bedroom (and I mean specific down to the inch), and the pair I had before that from several years ago which have been through the wars, which I keep in a brightly coloured case in my handbag. That way, no matter where I lose my glasses, I can either go to my bedroom and find the ‘proper’ spares by feel, or else find the bright splash of colour in my bag, take out my ‘okay they’ll get me home without being run over by a car’ spares and get home to my spares. And if something happens to the ‘they’ll do’ spares while I’m out, it’s no huge financial loss.
I straight-up got glasses with flashy blue inlay on the sides this time around because they’re easier to find than my preferred black frames. Without my glasses, yes, I can still technically see, but not well enough to do anything, CERTAINLY not search around for my glasses.
Newfoundlands have water resistant fur and webbed feet
Dachshunds were originally bred for fighting badgers
More than 5,000,000 puppies are born in the U.S. every year
i’m glad i made this post
Skilled sheep dogs can separate a sheep from the heard by just looking at it, not even moving.
Three dogs survived the sinking of the Titanic, two Pomeranians and one Pekingese
Poodles are not French by origin. They’re German dogs, but French nobility quickly became fascinated by these pooches
i’m so glad i made this post
Greyhounds are the only breed mentioned by name in the Bible.
When you pet a dog, both you and the dog experience a release of oxytocin. Petting dogs objectively makes you both happier
Dog’s nose prints are just as unique as human finger prints !
Corgis were bred for herding cows.
Dogs’ eyes contain a special membrane, called the tapetum lucidum, which allows them to see in the dark.
Kangal dogs guard flocks (other dogs do the actual herding) and don’t have to be trained because they pass the knowledge down through generations. They will take up advantageous lookout positions, rotate watches, patrol the perimeter, and use a special bark to summon the other dogs and form a wall to drive off an encroaching bear.
Huskies, especially Siberians, will travel in a circle around humans, dogs and other animals to protect them from predators. The radius is usually large enough that they can find threats and chase them off before they even return to your line of sight. They will also chase bears and aren’t always smart enough to stop chasing them.
You can lift a Scottish Terrier up by the tail (but they probably won’t like it.) They were bred to hunt rodents, and sometimes got stuck in the rodent’s holes in the ground so you had to get them out by pulling them by the tail. Also they can’t really swim because their head weighs too much in comparison to the rest of their body.
Teddy Roosevelt’s dog, Pete, ripped a French ambassador’s pants off at the White House
Basset hounds were intentionally bred to have short legs so that when used for hunting/tracking game, their pace would be slow enough for hunters to be able to follow on foot.
I am a happy
Westies were bred to be white after a nobleman accidentally shot his favorite dog while hunting. This way they are easier to distinguish from prey.
Labrador retrievers of any color-brown, black, or yellow- can throw any color in a litter regardless of the color of the parents.
The white tipped tail on basset hounds was deliberate so that hunters could spot them when they were in the brush.
Shiba Inu’s name translated directly to “firewood dog”
Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it”
Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect.
To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.
On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.
I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…
Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.
The lengths we go for music.
Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.
One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”
And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:
[stifled giggling]
[reeeeeeally deep breath]
[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]
The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.
In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”
FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.
This is the best band post
Everyone else go home
Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this
which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,
that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that
Who does that?
This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.
Julius IdontgivaFucik
More like Julius Fuckit
Pyrozod’s tags for this were too hilarious not to share
I haven’t been in band for years but this made me laugh so hard
I haven’t seen this post in ages and I’m dying of laughter
I didn’t think it could get better after The Foghorn Tuba Story, but it did. It got better. Bless you, MusicTumblr.
For those of you who don’t already know, there is a petition going around to actually stock binders in stores (like Walmart/Kmart/Target etc.)!!!
ALSO, people who don’t bind. Please, can I have your attention?
Here is your chance to exercise your allyship. Sign this petition. It can be very, very difficult for people who bind to get access to effective binders. They often resort to harmful things (like tape) that can break their ribs or suffocate them.
Please, sign the petition. You will be saving someone from immeasurable pain.
ONLY 560 TO GO
I don’t know what the 560 above refers to but right now the petition is still looking for 63,000 signatures. Don’t assume they’ve almost hit quota and thus don’t need your help :)
This addition is important because assuming that was exactly what I did do
Howling Commando Era pranks please because the Army takes that sort of shit seriously and since Steve is so very eager to fit in with the rest of the guys obviously the best thing to do is to include him in the neverending circle of pranks that get pulled both on themselves and others (mostly others)
For your consideration:
Gabe and Morita shaving off one of Dugan’s eyebrows while he sleeps. The next morning Bucky making him shave off the other so he’s still in uniform
Apple pie-ing Steve’s bed. It’s hilarious watching most half asleep/drunk guys try and get into a short turned down bed, but they forget that Steve is a tiny bit stronger than most guys and he just puts his legs right through the sheets. Everyone gets laundry duty the next day, but nobody tells Steve why.
That time the river froze over and Dernier thought it would be fun to drive a General’s car onto the ice and tie it underneath a bridge. It might still be hanging there come spring, which is credit to his knot skills.
Also the time they dismantle a famous bridge to see how it is made and then somehow ended up with a few spare parts after putting it back together again. They then blame the Paras
Dugan might have also stolen a plane from the RAF and proceed to send postcards from every city they visit in it
Steve once got them all very drunk and recruited some of his USO friends to stage a well-needed makeover, thus starting the rumor of that one time the Howlies turned up to parade in stockings and red lipstick.
The sucessful mission off the coast of France in which they were in a submarine and fooled a German U-boat into thinking they were a fishing freighter full of drunks by singing loud showtunes over the radio
An assortment of increasingly disgusting and tasteless ‘drinking’ games involving various bodily fluids that ultimately ends with Bucky and Peggy threatening to shoot every last one of them because Steve is a punk who never backs down and no they aren’t playing freckles they are all vile and unhygienic.
An Admiral betting Steve a whole month’s rations of rum that he can’t pick up a tank. Steve can absolutely pick up a tank, and he proves it by putting it on top of his jeep.
There is also that time when the allies drop fake wooden bombs on fake German airbases, which is how Falsworth reveals he’s actually a damn fine whittler and they start leaving carved wooden dicks behind in the bases that they raid.
Steve doesn’t know how they do it, but every single time they arrive in a new base or hideout or fucking foxhole in the ass end of europe, someone always finds the time to cover the shithouse with pages from Captain America comics
Bucky Bear. No matter how many times Bucky tries to throw it away, set it on fire or use it as a weapon to smother a HYDRA operative, somehow the fluffy little fucker always makes its way back into his gear
It is also worth noting that no matter who they prank, one rule stays firm; no one fucks with Peggy. It’s not that they think she can’t take it because she is a woman, it’s because she went to an all girls boarding school and they play fucking hardcore pranks
