name ur politically correct ship that no one ever questions
…is there even such a thing in Borgias? Um…I think not. How about my ‘supported by canon’ ship, which is Cesare/Lucrezia.
now name ur trash ship
CESARE/MICHELETTO. But like specifically in this really complicated power dynamic where Cesare’s emotions are all tangled up with his overwhelming need to prove that he’s in control of something, of anything, and God, Micheletto offers up his throat to the knife as sweetly and obediently as a lamb raised for the slaughter and Cesare loves that equally as much as anything else. And Micheletto loves Cesare like a man worshiping his god, inextricable and helpless and sacrificial, a love that’s all about loyalty and penance and going to his knees and blood on the altar.
and ur really trashy im-going-to-hell ship
Cesare/Micheletto/Lucrezia, in which Cesare loves Lucrezia and Lucrezia loves Cesare and Micheletto loves Cesare so much (see above) and he would die for Lucrezia, at first because Cesare loves her and later because Micheletto is loyal to her himself (he does not want her the way they both want Cesare, and cannot love her the way he loves Cesare because there is only space in his heart for one love like that, but they find a common ground in Cesare and Micheletto would do a great many things to keep Lucrezia’s lily-white hands clean of blood), and Lucrezia’s children calls them both Uncle and Micheletto is bemused by this while Cesare is pained and it’s just all really complicated and awful and yeah, no one is really at ease but they’re happier than they could ever otherwise be.
This ship gets 100000% messier better when you add the fact that both Cesare and Lucrezia are married to the mix. Because can you imagine the deals and maneuvering that have to be done in order to keep the balance copacetic.
who is your cinnamon roll fave who everyone loves
Oh, Paolo, my poor boy. And also Djem. All these people Juan “Fuck-ass” Borgia has killed. Does Lucrezia count, or does she lose Cinnamon Roll status after she commits cold-blooded murder?
who is your sinnamon roll fave who everyone loves to hate/hates to love
…I don’t…I don’t even know. There is no fandom to speak of, so I’m not sure who would fall into this category. Giulia. Rodrigo/Alexander VI.
who is your trash fave who is so problematic they probably have hate tumblrs dedicated to them
EVERYONE. ALL OF THEM. ESPECIALLY MICHELETTO AND CESARE. BUT TBH YOU DON’T WATCH THIS DUMPSTER FIRE OF A SHOW FOR THE CINNAMON ROLLS.
what is ur guiltiest guilty fave fandom
This one?????
what is the fic you want to write/read but can’t because it is too full of Sin
Oh my buddy my dude it’s all here? Like, there is no fic I can think of that’s more sinful than the show.
…oh wait, no, AU where Cesare and Lucrezia happen sooner and she sneaks into the confessional and sucks him off while he’s wearing his cardinal’s vestments, and the whole fic is heavily laden with imagery of Lucrezia as both Madonna and supplicant and also of Intercession and some complicated feelings about God, and Cesare being very VERY conflicted about his sister’s glorious golden hair spread across the blood red of his vestments.
There, I hope that was gratifying for everyone.
what is the most sinful fic you have ever read/written
I swear TO GOD that I am still writing that one porn fic with Micheletto and Cesare and scars as heraldry and the giving of orders and sexually tense removal of vestments.
what is the worst thing you want to become canon (character death, trash-ship etc)
Literally every single thing in this post, but tbh all my darkest desires are fulfilled within like the first two episodes when Micheletto takes a cat ‘o nine tails and hands it to Cesare and looks him dead in the eye as he says, “So whip me, my lord.”
what is your most sinful headcanon
Cesare has always had a powerful preference for blondes, the more golden their hair, the better. He has a recurring dream about a beautiful woman sitting above him on a bed of gold cloth, her hair falling around them both as she kisses his lips and he fucks her. His preference for fair-haired women is common knowledge. The fact that it stems from a dream about his sister is not.
Furthermore, I definitely agree with Wilde that Cesare has definitely had a dream about fucking his sister’s hair. Cesare has a thing for his sister’s hair.
As for Cesare/Micheletto, c’mon now, we can all agree that they’ve fucked while he was wearing his vestments more than once.
what is your cutest headcanon
Um…when they were younger, Lucrezia taught Cesare how to braid her hair. He still remembers, it’s A Thing. I also recognize that this is not so much ‘cute’ in light of the previous answer.
what is your heart-breakingist head canon
THE END OF THE MOVIE SCRIPT????
Oh, and obviously the fact that none of the Borgias really believe in God (they observe the traditions, but even the Pope doesn’t really have faith) save for Cesare, who believes with all his heart in the prayers and sacraments he says every day, and believes with all his heart that he’s going to Hell, and sides with his father and his family anyway. I find that very tragic.
what is ur crackiest crack ship
Cesare/Good Sense, tied with Lucrezia/Consistent And Prolonged Happiness
what is ur marginally less cracky crack ship
Cesare/Craftiness, which is tied with Micheletto/Religion, because you want to talk about people who definitely believe in God and definitely do terrible things anyway and basically just have a profoundly complicated relationship with religion and kind of approach murder as a religious connection not unlike that of a confessor to a supplicant, Micheletto’s your boy. CAN YOU TELL THAT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A L O T.
what is ur favourite ridiculous au
Um…this Temeraire AU from @wildehacked. (Incidentally, in the Black Sails Temeraire AU, Miranda would be a dragon and Flint is her captain’s beloved and when her captain is cruelly ripped away from them both, she and Flint escape because Miranda can’t stand another captain and Flint just needs out and it’s all very terrible. I digress.)
Also, I’m really a sucker for daemon AUs! I have no idea what this one would look like except that Micheletto would have a hunting hound, the kind of rangy mixed-breed creature whose jaws can crack bone and whose loyalty stretches beyond the grave, and everyone believes that Rodrigo Borgia/Alexander VI has a white dove. (The snake he keeps quite literally up his sleeve is a melanistic asp. Cesare thinks this is funny, in a bitter sort of way.)
Anonymous asked: Congratulations on your graduation!
Fic where all of the Avengers are trying to teach tech stuff to Steve (especially Tony who just gets so annoyed at his apparent tech incompetence) but he just seems super hopeless at it until one day one of them stumbles across a youtube account that’s filled with a series of videos titled ‘How Long Can I Keep My Friends Convinced I Have No Idea What Technology Is’ and it turns out he’s been gaming them for YT hits for months.
“How do I make the Google do the thing” has over 30 million hits alone.
It works even better if you put it in a universe where they all have secret identities, so rather than Captain America conning, say, Hawkeye, it’s just some super built dude who for some reason (probably that he’s blond) is vastly underestimated by his equally anonymous friends. A debate rages constantly in the comments about whether that guy IS Tony Stark or just a ringer.
a. Steve’s username is brooklyn1917 and the top question he keeps getting is “Are you really Captain America?” The other question is “Please tell us if you’re actually Chris Evans.”
b. Steve eventually makes a video to address these two questions. Except he basically spends the video laughing for like five minutes and then just smiles this ACTUAL LITTLE SHIT GRIN and then goes, “No, I’m not Chris Evans.” It drives his fans into a frothing frenzy.
c. After the “How Do I Make Google Do The Thing” debacle, the next most popular videos are “How Do I Get My Email Through YouTube?” and “Why is My Email Not in My Mailbox Outside My Door?” There are varying reactions among the Avengers for this. Natasha’s “I’m Going to Kill You Very Slowly™” Face is terrifying. Clint’s “There Is Not Enough Coffee In the World” Lament is priceless. And Tony…. well. Tony’s Rant is Lord of the Rings Epic with Fan Fiction thrown in.
d. Thor is the first person to figure out that Steve is a Little Shit™ and totally joins him on the Trolling.
e. Bruce was the one who actually discovered the YouTube channel. He was promptly bribed into silence by copious amounts of Sarah Rogers’ Patented Chocolate Fudge Magic Brownies™.
f. Bruce’s favorite video is the Instagram Saga, in which Steve Rogers Has Everyone Else Convinced That He Thinks This Is Really a Telegram Service.
g. Currently, Sam Wilson is about to be bribed into keeping silence and to aid and abet any and all shenanigans.
h. Peter Parker is one of Steve’s number one fans and is responsible for feeding Steve more ideas in his YouTube comments.
If space travel doesn’t involve sea shanties then I think we’ll have missed an opportunity.
You see though, for sea travel you want big strong people who are capable of managing rigging. For space travel you want small low-mass people who are technically educated, as they are called, nerds. Your space shanties are going to be less booming and more squeaky.
in so far as there will be space shanties, they’ll be filk
I call shenanigans on the big strong people; sailors were young and malnourished by modern standards, and climbing around the rigging is easier if you’re small and light.
Like, I am 100% in favor of shanties in as many situations as possible, but I’m having trouble coming up with a mode of space travel that would require multiple humans to move in concert, thus necessitating songs with a strong beat to move to.
Sea chanties were for providing a strong beat to move to. Space chanties might very well arise just because we’re bored, out there between point A and point B for so long.
(Also yes, @gdanskcityofficial up there has the right of it.)
Space shanties are for warp piloting. Under warp drive, human time perception and time as measured by crystal or atomic oscillators don’t match. Starship pilots listen to a small unamplified chorus singing a careful rhythm while keeping their own eyes on a silent metronome that the chorus can’t see, linked to a highly-precise atomic clock. How the chorus and metronome fall in and out of sync tells the pilot how to keep the ship safely in the warp bubble and correctly on course.
Depending on route, a typical warp jump can last anywhere from one to ten minutes, and most courses consist of five to fifteen jumps before a necessary four to six hour break to check the engines, plot the next set of jumps, and give everyone a chance to recover. A good shanty team, with reliable rhythm, a broad, versatile, and extendible repertoire, and the stamina to do 3-4 sets a day over the course of a voyage, is just as vital to space travel as a pilot, navigator, or engineering team.
Other reasons Shanties will experience a revival in the space age:
We will sing for any freaking reason, or no reason at all, and Shanties are FUN to sing.
Deep Space is a lonely place and recruiting people suited to long periods of isolation might be a good idea. People from Newfoundland/Labrador, for instance.
SPACE WHALES
THEY’RE DEFINITELY REAL I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL
“What Do We Do With A Drunken Sailor” is basically a revenge fantasy against your most incompetent co-workers and if there’s something humans love doing, it’s being petty.
Plus, no need for work songs in space? Tell that to all my colleagues who’ve come up with little ditties they’ve sung under their breath while at the computer.
“The Printer Song” and “I Will Fucking End You, Google Chrome” are my favourites.
The David cycle (can it be called a cycle? Or is it more a saga? Or just a multi-generational family tragedy?) is deeply underrated from a literary point of view. It’s one of the longest stories we have of a single life in the Old Testament aside from maybe Joseph? It’s got it all; mad kings, prophecies fulfilled, self-sacrificing princes, supernatural feats, and a shining peasant king at the center with enough charisma to burn up anyone who gets too close to him and a relationship to God so intimate that he is referred to as God’s son. And the Davidic fall from grace is just….brutal, and he’s so aware of what’s happening through a lot of it. Like his devotion to God just grows more ferocious even as the bodies pile up around him, and David’s laments for his children and Jonathon are heart-wrenching. They still wreck me.
Jonathon is honestly one of the most honorable, good, and wonderful men of the entire Old Testament. His filial loyalty to his useless father and his adoring fealty of David never waver; even when Jonathon’s birthright is stripped from him, even when those warring loves quite literally kill him. Like, everyone I know at seminary is still upset about the death of Jonathon. Reviews on David as a human are mixed, but everyone still mourns the firstborn son of Saul.
So yeah, I get glassy eyed about the love between David and Jonathon and its potentially romantic nature like everyone else on Tumblr, but there’s….a lot more there. And that relationship only haunts readers so much because of how well the author captured these two reckless, hard-loving, blood-stained boys with the world on their shoulders.
HELP I THINK I JUST FOUND GABRIEL AGRESTE ON TINDER
Update: I think im having an aneurysm
Update #2: We’re going to fist fight.
The long-awaited Update #3!
(I know this all sounds like a made-up-for-notes tumblr story but I swear on all that is Holy this information is 100% true.)
We’ve been hanging out for about two weeks now. It turns out we attend the same university and live 10 minutes away from each other!
Also, we’re both originally from St. Louis and are huge Cardinals fans!
(He travels there a few times a year to attend baseball games and offered to fly me round trip next time he went….
👀
)
He lives alone in a one-bedroom apartment that is MUCH NICER than mine, wears a $500 watch, but doesnt yet own a couch.
(Im going to drag him to Ikea for our fourth date.)
We wear the same prescription glasses??? Like wtf kind of coincidence??
Sounds fake but is 100% true fact #1: I knew his last name started with an A but when I asked him what it was he responded “It’s European so I might need to spell it” and my soul left my body for a brief second.
(It’s not Agreste btw but still I had a m oment)
Sounds fake but is 100% true fact #2: He has a brother who looks exactly like him. His name? G A B R I E L
(This is when my soul actually left my body for real)
(Looks like the whole “Hawkmoth is Gabriel’s twin” theory lives)
Sounds fake but is 100% true fact #3: Loves comic books, especially Spiderman.
(OBBSESSION WITH BUG-THEMED SUPERHERO ANYONE?)
And now, the most glorious/baffling occurrence:
Last night he came over to my apartment because he was quote “feeling blue and wanted cuddles”. I told him that was fine as long as he let me get my current project done (I’m a seamstress).
Instead of his usual business casual attire, he showed up wearing a too-tight anime t-shirt (disgraceful) and black sweatpants, hair un-styled and glasses off (super hot). He then proceed to lay on my bed and keep me entertained with stories about his day, where both of my cats (one of whom does NOT like strangers) immediately curled up next to him.
(Just for refrence, they usually dart out of my room when they hear my Serger, but this time I could not get them to leave.He was like fucking cat nip to them. Ive never seen my kitties behave this way.)
Anyways, the rest of the night was spent sewing, beating him at playing video games, teasing each other for our shit taste in music, and engaging in some A+ cuddling, which included alot of him pawing at my waist and alot me running my fingers through his blond bedhead. Great third date 10/10.
It wasn’t until later that next day that I realized:
I had just played out every single Marichat fanfic ever.
my boyfriend and I sometimes struggle to be on the same page when it comes to comforting- often i just want to vent and don’t need advice, whereas validation confuses him and he wants a plan of action
to counter this, we’ve come up with a system where we ask: “do you want advice, empathy, both or neither?”
if it’s just advice, i know to go straight to action points and not spend time on fluffy words
if it’s just empathy, he knows i want to be reassured and comforted and that’s all
if it’s both, it’s time for advice that recognises how hard the situation is and is perhaps gentler in nature
if it’s neither, just a hug is really good
i recommend trying to use this in your lives! it makes sure you’re giving and getting what you need, and reduces the risk of resentment or similar
