It’s come to my attention that I have not yet made a post
about Farmer’s Market Hot™.
Farmer’s Market Hot is a specific kind of aesthetic that is
the result of me watching Orphan’s Black and trying to describe the hotness of
Cal to others.
See my point?
Farmer’s Market Hot is a wholesome kind of hot. Rugged but approachable.
It’s not the kind of hot where you immediately go, “Oh my god they’re so
perfect, I want to take them home and photograph them/tear their clothes off.” That’s
for later.
This is the kind of hot for people who would visit the farmer’s
market to buy some organic cheeses on their way to pick up their kids from
their Creativity Through Music class. It’s the look that says “I’m here to
support our local beekeepers.” You see them and it makes you want to settle down.
You want to do your taxes with them, raise dogs together.
It’s borderline hipster without the elitism and irony,
borderline country without the sound of Tim McGraw. If they’re white, racist
shit like dreads automatically disqualifies them.
Guys will most likely be stubbly, or bearded, but not to the
point of lumberjack. Think Chris Evans in between Marvel movies.
Pictured: a man who wants to buy artisan bread from a stall
and be polite to the merchants.
Imagine a woman with a sunflower tattoo, wearing a high-low
dress and clunky dependable boots, holding a dog’s leash while she waits at the
knife sharpening booth. Imagine a man wearing flannel and holding a baby while
talking about ethical alternatives to quinoa.
okay but if we’re comparing this to periods you need to listen to me
i have been on birth control for YEARS. it does not change much. there are three weeks’ worth of pink pills in neat little rows. there is one week of placeholder white pills. without fail, i get my period on the third or fourth day of the white pills.
let me tell you what happens every month: I FORGET THAT SHARK WEEK IS UPON ME.
why am i so hungry? i muse to myself. why am i craving steak? why, even when i deny myself heavy stuff like steak and dairy, is my stomach so upset? why does my whole body ache? why is it so hard to sleep? why am i so much more tired than i’d expect even given how poorly i’m sleeping? where did these zits come from?
OH WAIT, i exclaim, probably caught out in the wilderness all alone wearing all white over my favorite pricey underwear, with no tampons for miles. IT’S THAT THING THAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING TO ME. EVERY MONTH. FOR THE LAST FIFTEEN YEARS.
what i am trying to communicate is i get where the op of this post is coming from but I AM THAT WEREWOLF
man this is just straight up one of those fuckin things, because the bad juju period chemicals getting dumped into your bloodstream QUITE POSSIBLY MAKE YOU DUMB AS HELL. every month, do I know why I feel achy and exhausted and hungry and why I can’t concentrate for more than 10 minutes at a time? absolutely fuckin not, it is a mystery that utterly baffles me for at least 48 hours. why?? I dunno, maybe because I’m achy and exhausted and hungry and I can’t concentrate on why I feel that way for more than 10 goddamned minutes at a time.
basically what I’m saying is, the werewolves are probably moon-PMSing, cut them some slack.
If you are a werewolf having your period during the full moon and experiencing the overlap of two monthly cycles… Does that make you Moon Moon?
