congrats. i give you all your honorary high school diploma
shit it got better
(via starwarsisgay)
there are 2 songs that have 100 beats per minute which is the correct amount for cpr and they are “staying alive” and “another one bites the dust” and if u don’t think that’s the rawest shit you’ve ever heard you can unfollow me right now.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
I’ve put together a simple chart that explains the various ways you should and shouldn’t summon a waiter over to your table, and the service you’re likely to receive accordingly.
Because if one more middle aged, obnoxious asshole goes “hey you!” and snaps their fingers at me, I WILL snap said person’s neck.I waitressed my way through college and one night this guy yells at me “Oi! you with the tits!” and my co-worker Matthew walked up to him and said “yes?”
That is the best co-worker in the world.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
damn CNN tried to get #AskACop trending but it backfired completely and twitter isn’t holding back
Slay. Slay everyone with your on point questions.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Let us now observe a portrait of Saint Nicholas of Myra, aka Jolly ol’ Saint Nick:
Saint Nick is having none of your white santa bullshit.
Welcome to history according to Moran!
Saint Nick was from motherfreaking Turkey! Therefore he was not white!
This concludes history according to Moran!
(Source: fakenewsjunkie, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
tumblr recommended a snape/lily post on my dash i
you come into my house
you step over my husband
Ignore my crying son
(Source: remux, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Writing the dramatic death scene
In your head:
In paper:
this made me laugh so hard because it’s so accurate.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
THE LADIES OF DREAMWORKS ARE SO
DAMN GORGEOUS
DAMN BRAVE
DAMN BADASS
DAMN SEXY
DAMN SWEET
DAMN AWESOME
BRAVO DREAMWORKS
FOUR FOR YOU DREAMWORKS
YOU FORGOT THE SASSIEST OF THE DREAMWORKS LADIES
i thought you meant the fish was sexy and i’ve been crying for like three minutes over sexy dreamworks fish i hate America
Idk about u but that horse is tryina make a sexy face and i feel like bronys have probably made porn of this poor horse
(Source: viictuurious, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Baguette Hitman
literally any french person can tell you that that is not the proper way to use a baguette as a murder weapon
Step 1) Leave it out for a day or two
Step 2) Bludgeon victim over the head with it
congratulations their skull is concave
(Source: weloveshortvideos.com, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
