In 1963 in Norway, Hellboy is investigating a number of gruesome
murders. He enters the house of the “troll-witch”. She asks if he plans
on killing her. Hellboy responds “maybe”. The town’s people had said
trolls were responsible for the killings, and sent Hellboy to the witch.
The witch proceeds to tell her story.
I like in the Fellowship of the Rings where they are standing outside the big ass door with the riddle “Speak friend and enter” thing.
And then they’re like, what’s friend in elvish and Legolas just stands there and says nothing.
Frodo: *looks at Gandalf*
Everyone else: *looks at Legolas*
Legolas: [internally] fuck you, in Eregion they spoke a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT kind of elvish, I grew up with like ten different dialects of silvan, this word is pronounced differently in every one of them, this sindarin and my sindarin probably wouldn’t even be a little bit compatible, who fucking knows the door might want it in Quenya, you know what it’s probably in Khuzdul, that’s the kind of language you’d want a password to be in, the one nobody knows, fuck they’re all looking at me I don’t know this there are dozens of different languages spoken by elves you stupid fucks
Legolas: [externally] silence
Gandalf: “…Mellon”
Everyone: *thinks Legolas is stupid*
This is officially one of my favorite tumblr posts.
I’m learning a lot of things I disagree with about Batman canon based
on various character’s stated personalities and reputations. One of the
things I very much disagree with is Batman having one backup plan for
every single member of the Justice League in case they go rogue.
Batman
would not have one plan for every Leaguer. While it’s true he’s had a
lot of desperate, last-ditch plans before, there is absolutely no way
there is only one plan per Leaguer. If he has time to plan ahead that
far, then he has time to create contingency plans for his contingency
plans.
There should be at least three takedown plans for every
single member of the Justice League, minimum, as well as evacuation
plans and several subsections for effective containment strategies. As
well as multiple copies and hiding places for the plans, none exactly
alike, in case the location of one set of instructions is compromised.
Batman only having one plan per person when there’s been time to plan ahead. Pshaw.
AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman
maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very
cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts
that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will
all work out in its own weird way
Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets
in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s
ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm
a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without
help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey,
Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call
sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after
shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’
Batman is mortified.
No one lets it go.
The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so
many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a
vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.
“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him
to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on
the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing
introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.
“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter
says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really
loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.
Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t
get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks
him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask
keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get
a hold of himself
He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused.
Batman is furious. Nightwing manages to
breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad
you’re socializing now, Batman.”
Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “…’we’?”
can we stop saying that words like dumb and stupid are ableist slurs or ableist language please I’m autistic and that’s just… not what the fuck a slur is bye
A slur is when a word’s principal colloquial usage is intended to target a certain group in a violent manner and stupid and dumb are used in relation to disability like 0.1% of the time. It’s almost always referring to people who say shit completely out of their lane and realm of expertise and it’s actually useful language. It’s like, I’ve been called disgusting for being gay b4 but disgusting is mainly intended to refer to other stuff and it’s not homophobic to use it in a context that has nothing to do with gay ppl. Tired of seeing ppl getting hassled over insulting an idea using the only language that can describe the negative quality of the idea. Like, guys. R***rded is a slur. Stupid and dumb are not damn slurs.
I’m Autistic and Schizophrenic and I think both ND and NT ppl should reblog this if they want
