I was at the mall today and overheard this dude talking to two lesbian chicks. I hear him ask, “So which one of you is the guy in your relationship?” And the one girl looks into her pants and says, “It’s not me. How bout you? Are you hiding a dick in there?” Then her girlfriend looks in her pants and says, “Nope, I’m not.” Then the first chick looks at the dude and says, “Hmmm, guess that’s why we are lesbians.” And then I lost my shit.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
my grandfather always had candy in his pockets, and one time when I got really sick and I was hospitalized my dad told him not to give me any candy. He pulled out his pockets to show he hadn’t even brought any and I got really sad but as soon as my dad walked out of the room he then proceeded to take off his hat and had 2 chewy chocolate candy toffees and 2 orange fanta toffees, and I’ll never forget the happiness and surprise I felt in that one moment in my entire life.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
think about the concept of a library. that’s one thing that humanity didn’t fuck up. we did a good thing when we made libraries
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
The anthropologists decided that this tribe was to remain “uncontacted”.
This is one of the best things iv seen today
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Here are some scientific facts about blood loss for all you
psychopathswriters out there.I would like to know what is in those bottles.
It’s Siracha!!!! Siracha is life!
That’s actually highly useful.
Very useful for being mean to your characters. (And entertaining!)
If you’ve ever donated blood, you know some of the effects of losing roughly half a liter of blood first-hand (typical donations are about 450-500 mL)!
(Source: tinygaytracer, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Well I mean if it’s for Jesus…
If I say this to a Christian will it make their head explode like when you tell a robot a paradox
i need that in a shirt
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Vodka Tia Moran
