Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

primarybufferpanel:

redshoesnblueskies:

thebibliosphere:

I just got husband to attach a round scrubby brush to the end of his power drill. This is the best thing we’ve ever done, omg I don’t have to apply pressure when scrubbing the bath tiles anymore it just whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirzip and everything is clean. SUCK ON THAT GROUT STAINS

as someone who loathes tub scrubbing, i consider this a signal boost-worthy post!

Wait, I need details, how is it attached? What kind of scrubby brush? Photos pls I need to implement this in my life, my grouting will thank you

muteelfmoonmoon:

iopele:

iamacutetiger:

cosmictuesdays:

pilgrimkitty:

down-sizing:

argylsocks:

pretzel-log1c:

dendritic-trees:

friendlytroll:

roachpatrol:

iztarshi:

Inspired by various tumblr posts.

Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.

Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.

You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.

That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?

You really want a human.

you know fantasy dragon soulbonding fic i want more of that where the humans are the dragons, like, we’re huge, we’re old, we’re scrappy as hell, and if you are small and cute enough we would be delighted to carry you around on our back 

holy shit that’f b amazing. 

also imagine an alien being like

‘I THINK A HUMAN IMPRINTED ON ME THEY KEEP HANGING AROUND ME’

But imagine aliens that only form social bonds under very specific circumstances having to deal with humans though:

Like, they will bond with a group, and if they move they just bond with a new group while still talking to their old group.  They will bond with other species. They encourage their children to practice bonding with inanimate objects.  They can have more than one mate in their lifetime.  Sometimes they have more than one mate simultaneously.    Once they bond with you they’ll start trying to bring other humans they are bonded with to bond with you.

If you stand around them long enough they’ll probably just wander over and try to pat you, this is how they bond with other species.  You may have accidentally bonded with a human without knowing it.

Seriously they will bond with anything.

@jq-piccadilly

addendum:

“Help the human in our party bonded with a grafknap and now they want to bring it with us”

“I don’t see what the problem is.”

“We’ve already got like five of them, and then there’s the orlaps and vanghus.”

“krrrk sor krrkr going thr krrk -bula spike krrk”

“Companion Mar, how do you sustain these high levels of interpersonal relation?”
“Uh… hanging out, I guess.”
“Hanging out of what, exactly?”
“Sorry, that’s a human phrase used to describe spending leisure time in the general proximity of others for entertainment.”
“But we are very far from your past companions, and yet you have continued to express interpersonal relation to them, in spite of the lack of proximity.”
“Oh, well, I comm them now and then.”
“Interesting. So you posit that physical proximity and verbal communication are key to this relational anomaly?”
“I mean that’s part of it.”
“… great Glarbnack, you’re doing it right now, aren’t you?”
“Oh, come on, Kursp, we’ve been friends for ages, you know that!”
“No! Stop! I can’t believe you would - oh, Glarb, what’s the word? - vefriendle me without even asking me first!”
“Befriend. The word is befriend, Kursp.”
“Ugh, humans! Well I know I can’t stop you but at least try not to emote all over the place.”
“Sure thing, buddy.”
[Enraged squeaking]

OMG THIS ONE IS FANTABULOUS

Humans.

Will.

Pet.

Anything.

Ok but what happens when humans are brought aboard an alien spacecraft to travel to the far side of the galaxy, and the ship stops to refuel on Planet Kro’Chenpotyl 6, and there are warnings all over the place to PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE THE SPACE STATION and the humans are just like “why?” and the aliens are all “Captain Steve, have you never encountered a Horgler before?” “no, whats a horgler?” “They are very dangerous, Captain. Please do not leave the space station as they roam freely and we do not wish to communicate with your superiors anything about injuries to you or your crew.”

and then two hours later Captain Steve has a giant Horgler in tow and everyone else is just “!!!!!!!!” and Steve is just “yeah, this is my new pet. his name is Fluffy.”

it keeps getting better

This makes us sound so badass.

(via muteelfmoonmoon)

allyhatingheterophobe:

People who think I don’t already “pick my battles” greatly underestimate the number of potential battles in my path on a daily basis.

(Source: allyhatingcisphobe, via ailleee)

knitmeapony:

musicalhell:

cosette-giry:

ive-got-a-dark-side:

lotrlocked:

get-your-ass-in-the-impala:

smurflewis:

gaysfinest:

Don’t tell your daughter that when a boy is mean or rude to her it’s because he has a crush on her. Don’t teach her that abuse is a sign of love.

My mom always taught me yell or fight back. Boys would be mean and I would yell back. I would get my ass pinched and I would smack them as hard as I could.

Who alway got in trouble? Me.

They would call my mother and she always came in and lectures my teachers and threatened to sue for making her miss work and treating me poorly.

She always taught my brothers to respect women. The only fights my brothers ever got in was defending women from someone else.

The school tried to call my father once instead of my mother on us. He came in in his full preacher outfit (being a preacher and all) and gave them an entire sermon on what would Jesus day of he was called in. They decided dealing with my mom was better.

I think my favorite story of this is when some kid snapped my bra and I turned around, didn’t even think about it, and punched that little motherfucker right in the nose.

So naturally, I end up in the principal’s office, refusing to apologize. 

“He shouldn’t have put his hands on me and I wouldn’t have hit him!” That’s the only thing I was saying.

These people had the unfortunate luck of catching my dad at home, instead of my mom. So he comes fucking sauntering in there, like he’s Clint fucking Eastwood in some western movie and looks at me. 

“Melissa, did you punch him?” 

“Yes.” I said. 

“Why?” 

“Because he snapped my bra strap.” 

And he turns his squinty eyed glare to the principal and says, “You’re telling me my daughter is in trouble because that squirrely looking kid put his hands on her and she chose to defend herself? That’s what you are saying to me.” 

“Well, sir-” The man kind of stuttered because my dad is kind of intimidating in the quiet sort of way that kind of whispers in the back of your mind that this person could be dangerous. “Melissa did make it physical.” 

“No. That kid put his hands on my daughter. Are you saying my daughter cannot defend herself when some boy decides to put hands on her? Is that what you are teaching my girl?” 

I didn’t get suspended that day.  

*slow clap for excellent parenting*

This is the parent I want to be omg

I went to a nun school. 

The nuns there were like, so rad. 

It was a party organized for the end of the school year, and I was helping in the kitchen to prepare stuff with a nun and a bunch of little girls. There was one of the girls’ little brother who was there. 

There was a little girl who was carrying a bowl of tomato sauce and was going outside, but the boy was just in front of her and he slammed the door in her face. She dropped the bowl on the floor and got all messy. 

So what happened? 

The nun went outside, took the boy by the arm, and gave him an epic speech going around the lines of: “Would you treat the Virgin Mary like that, young man?” “Nnnnno…” “Then treat every girl like she’s the Virgin Mary.” Not only the boy had to apologize to the little girl, but he also had to clean up and he was put on kitchen duty for the rest of the day. 

Then another day, in catechism class (I was a in a girls’ school, mind you), the nun was there telling us: “If a guy touches you in a way you don’t like, punch him in the face. It’s not a sin against charity. On the contrary, you’re being charitable by showing him he’s sinning by impurity and you’ll save him from going to hell.” 

So I was at my desk during class looking like this: 

Originally posted by su1cid3-viru5

Reblogging for awesome dads and kickass nuns.

If the Catholic church were run by like 90% of the nuns I know, the world would be a much better, much cooler place.

(via windbladess)

brendaonao3:

steverogersorbust:

Does it ever strike you that Cap 2 begins with a challenge from Batroc: who are you without the mask? And the rest of the movie is literally Steve showing us? Who he is with, and without, the mask? The depths of his humanity? The breadth of his super soldier strength? The limits his body and soul meet time and again and then transcend? Steve is more than the weapon he wields or the costume he wears. He’s more than the weapon he’s become. And in Cap 2, we begin to see that. In Cap 3, we see his shield actually GET TAKEN AWAY. We rarely see him in his mask. If the shot of him HOLDING A HELICOPTER IN PLACE armed ONLY WITH HIS DESPERATION AND SUPER STRENGTH is any indication, we’ll see more of plain clothesed Steve, fighting massive battles in just very tight t shirts and an earnest expression. In the end, Steve is my favorite because we see his humanity and struggle in everything he does. Even in his physical prowess–it’d be so easy to portray his feats of strength with a casualness meant to highlight just how powerful he is. Instead, you see him strain. You see his muscles bulge and his jaw grit and you see uncertainty and determination war on his face. You see him WIN against all odds, and the sheer impossibility of odds are what make the victory so breathtaking. Behind and without the mask is Steve Rogers, not Captain America. Unluckily for Batroc, and other villains, that’s still a pretty f*cking amazing hero to contend with.

Steve Rogers isn’t a hero because he’s Captain America. Captain America is a hero because he’s Steve Rogers.

(via windbladess)

ham-for-ham:

talkless-sinmore:

ham-for-ham:

Abraham Lincoln was gay

oh my word he was the gayest and his most notable male lovers were 

• Joshua Fry Speed 
• a bed salesman/ inn keeper
• he and Lincoln met when he was 28 and Speed was around 22 b/c Abe was practicing law and he was poor so he had to rent out a room
• when Lincoln couldn’t afford a room and bed Joshua was just like “why don’t you share my bed with me 😘” 
• they lived together for four whole years 
• also when Speed had to go back to Kentucky (they were in Illinois together at this point) Lincoln actually suffered what historians consider a nervous breakdown, he wrote in his diaries a lot about how depressed he was during this time
• they still wrote each other letters though and remained friends until Lincoln died
• David Derickson 
• the commanding officer of his guards while he was President
• he even had his own special bed in the White House that they would share
• they had their own getaway cottage on the outskirts of the White House’s borders I kid you not
• ALSO
• HE ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY WORE LINCOLN’S NIGHT SHIRT OKAY
• THEY WERE NOT SUBTLE
• THOMAS CHAMBERLAIN HAD THE TEA ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP, HE WROTE IT ALL DOWN

http://www.queersinhistory.com/was-abraham-lincoln-gay.htm

AHA I KNEW IT

(via patroclvss)

mhd-hbd:

open-sketchbook:

the-loquacious-lark:

veggieneko:

WTF? “Home Alone” is 25 this year????

I’M SO OOOOOLD!

this is an excellent time to talk about my home alone sequel idea

its 25 years later. a group of men track kevin down to an american-style suburban house deep in the jungles of cambodia. they stagger into his office, bruised and covered in feathers.

“you’re a hard man to find mccalister”

“not hard enough”

jump cut. a military officer is talking to a cia spook.

“you don’t understand. he’s the best. i saw him take apart a taliban kill team with nothing but the contents of a hardware store and a box of toy cars.”

cut to afgan desert. adult kevin in modern military gear presses a detonator. several cuts show a rube goldburg device launching paint cans into startled assassins via planks of wood.

cut back to dark office.

“he’s dangerous. unstable.” the spook says

intercut of a man trying to sneak up on maccalister when he steps on a rollar skate and falls down some stairs. there’s punji stakes at the bottom.

“that’s why he’s the best.”

lights cigar

cut back to officer talking to kevin

“your country needs you.”

“i needed my country, and it wasn’t there for me. why should i be there for her?”

cut to shady military black ops in the jungle, vietnam war style. kevin, in tiger strip special forces camo, watches a helicopter take off and fly away. cut to inside. the team, weary, sits in dejected silence, when one of them suddenly bolts upright.

“MACCALISTER!”

cut back

“we need you for one last job. we’ve assembled an elite team.”

zoom on kevin’s face

“no. i work… alone.”

HOME ALONE 3

cut to man strapped to chair in dark room. kevin is in the background, fetching something. he circles around him, rubbing his hands together.

“you’re going to tell me what i want to know.”

“fuck you.” the man spits.

kevin claps his hands to either side of the man’s face. He screams.

COMING THIS CHRISTMAS

kevin watches a city burn. a man points a gun at the back of his head.

“no fancy traps to protect you here. what you got to say to that, maccalister?”

kevin whirls, disarms him, and kicks him off a balcony.

“merry christmas, ya filthy animal.”

RATED R

this is the best thing I’ve seen all week

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

julyfourth2014:

“how would you like your tea sir?”

*american voice* tax free

(Source: harrysleftlung, via windbladess)