No offense but if Star Wars Episode VIII was nothing more than 3 hours of Poe flying around to different planets and showing Rey and Finn all the wonders of the universe, all the food and drink and fun they missed out on, with BB-8 and Chewie makig noises in the background, and an occasional cut to a shot of Captain Phasma with her helmet off lifting weights, I would be perfectly happy
As with any organization, the Resistance found it necessary to produce training holovids on a variety of topics, from basic demonstrations of the use of important equipment to more nuanced vids on cultural or personnel issues. They were a small force, but tended to be somewhat geographically scattered by necessity, and it saved a lot of time to have a small collection of introductory holovids to show new recruits to get them quickly up to speed.
The most entertaining holovid, however, was widely held to be this one.
DEALING WITH YOUR INEVITABLE CRUSH ON POE DAMERON
The title music swells, epic and orchestral, over a black screen. Fade in: a photo, taken outdoors, head and shoulders, of Poe Dameron, squinting slightly into the sun, jaw set in determination. His hair is tousled and he is in a flight suit and leather jacket, ruggedly attractive.
Another flourish of music, and the title pops bright white text over a black screen:
DEALING WITH YOUR INEVITABLE CRUSH ON POE DAMERON
Fade to footage of Poe Dameron, in a sleeveless tight undershirt smudged with grease and worn-thin trousers that fit very flatteringly behind, bending over to demonstrate how to use a new system of tie-downs to secure equipment such as small spacecraft in inclement weather. His hair is a little too long and falls across his forehead; he habitually shakes his head a little to keep it away from his eyes, in a charming gesture, and he frequently looks to the camera for guidance, which gives him an appealing, almost supplicant aspect, especially since he frequently smiles at the cameraman.
Voiceover (male, smooth, cultured, the same one who narrates most of the rest of the instructional holovids the Resistance produces): “It’s not a question of if, but when. It’s a natural part of joining the Resistance. Everyone says, oh, it won’t happen to me, I’m immune to that sort of thing. But everyone in the Resistance eventually ends up with a crush on Poe Dameron.”
Cut to head-and-shoulders shot of a middle-aged mechanic, female, in work attire, clearly in a spacecraft hangar, holding a wrench in one hand. There’s a label at the bottom of the screen: Yana, Mechanic. Below that it says, He Remembers Her Name. “You may think you’re immune to his looks,” she says, “but then he remembers your name after only having met you once, and claps you on the shoulder, and calls you ‘buddy’ and smiles at you.” She sighed. “And it only gets worse from there.”
Quick cut to a shot, zoomed in from a distance, of Poe Dameron standing on the ladder to the cockpit of his X-Wing. It is a video; he is watching someone offscreen do something, the wind gently ruffling his tousled hair and his helmet under one arm. His mouth is slightly open; after a moment he licks his lower lip, then grins, like he’s about to speak.
Meanwhile, voiceover:
“Don’t be alarmed. These are natural feelings. Take comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone. And you can console yourself in the knowledge that he has this effect on everyone.”
Cut to head and shoulders shot of a young pilot, female, dark-haired; she is attractively dressed and made-up, but wearing her flight suit. The label at the bottom of the screen says Jessika Pava, Pilot, and is subtitled, He Has Saved Her Life About 100 Times. “It’s not his fault,” she says. “That’s the thing you have to keep in mind. He’s really like that. He’s really actually nice to people. He’s completely sincere.”
A still shot fills the screen: Poe Dameron, very young, aged perhaps sixteen or seventeen. He is standing on a table, possibly dancing, shirtless, wearing New Republic Academy uniform trousers and suspenders. The suspenders are slipping down his shoulders, and he has his head tipped back and is provocatively mock-fellating a bottle clearly labeled “Corellian Death Rum” while staring seductively into the camera. He is clearly intoxicated.
Meanwhile, voiceover:
“Methods of coping with this affliction vary by individual. Some people pretend they don’t feel it. Others give themselves over to it. A few daring individuals have tried to actually go for it. But it seems that despite a wild youth, Poe has settled into a reasonably responsible adulthood. It is not recommended that you pursue him aggressively.”
Cut, footage of a very attractive blonde woman in her early thirties, in a New Republican Starfleet uniform. She is labeled Garella Unaeron, and subtitled Shared Single, Memorable Wild Night Of Passion. “I just broke into his quarters and got naked and lay in his bed until he showed up,” she says, looking smug. “It went well for me, but I mean, we were also like eighteen. So. I don’t imagine that’d go as well now he’s defected to the Resistance.” She tosses her hair, clearly taking a moment to remember. “But I mean, if you go for it,” she went on, “much as I loathe his politics, I gotta say, he’s really great in the sack. I don’t imagine he’s lost the knack, it’s not the kind of thing you get worse at with practice.” Suddenly her expression changes, twisting into suspicion. “Wait, who did you say you were again?” The camera jerks and the footage ends abruptly.
The next shot is a craggily-handsome man in his late thirties, with a scar down one cheekbone that speaks of a life of action. He is labeled Naeher Adamant, and subtitled Had Actual Grown-Up Sexual Relationship. “A gentleman never kisses and tells,” he says, unsmiling, but he looks pleased nonetheless, or perhaps fond. “I can tell you, though, that Dameron is never other than entirely genuine. There’s no need to play games.”
Another cut, another interview subject, head and shoulders of a shiny-polished droid. Titled CR-31T, Mechanic, and subtitled He Is Really That Nice All The Time. “I’ve never worked with any other human who went so out of his way to make sure I understood that he considered me a person, on par with a biological organism,” the droid said, a little shyly. “It’s not— I don’t mind, you know, I know what I am, but he’s just— he’s so nice.”
Cut to footage of Poe Dameron, dressed in his flight suit, clearly training footage of some kind as he is watching someone offscreen and gesturing a little hesitantly to parts of his gear, as if in demonstration. He is apparently a little bored with making training videos, however, and is making amusing faces at the offscreen person, exaggerated expressions of wide-eyed wonder and grimacing trepidation.
Meanwhile, voiceover:
“So when you find yourself suffused with inappropriate feelings for this particular individual, just remember, you’re not alone. Speak to your counselor about what coping method is best for you. And above all, don’t make it weird: we’re relying on him, and his possibly-unholy combination of dashing charm and uncanny good luck. Try to use your misplaced erotic energy wisely.”
The music swells again, and the scene cuts to another video of Poe, zoomed in on him from quite a distance; he is outdoors, watching something at a distance with a vacant half-smile. The wind, again, ruffles his hair slightly, attractively, and he laughs silently, eyes crinkling up fetchingly. The title rolls up the screen again:
DEALING WITH YOUR INEVITABLE CRUSH ON POE DAMERON
As the scene fades to black, the title is the last thing visible, then winks out as well.
____
This is part of a longer thing that’s not really coming together yet but I promise it will. @artgroves and I are working together on it and I am more excited than I can even express.
I am crying. Try to use your misplaced erotic energy wisely.
Like, if no ones gonna read it, you should still write it.
If no ones gonna see it, you should still do it.
If no ones gonna hear you, you should still say it.
You’re not measured by how people react to you.
You’re not measured by how people react to you.
Sometimes it’s so hard to remember that I am a whole person with inherent worth in and of myself, and that my worth does not only exist when people reflect it back on me
Compare that just to the 6 slices of white bread shown, which clock in at 390 calories (149 under the sushi), 6 grams of fat (12 under), 78 grams of carbs (14 under), 3.6 grams of fiber (9.2 under), and 11.4 grams of protein (21.6 under). The additional mayo, raw tuna, avocado, imitation crab meat and seaweed (which are listed in almost comically low portions compared to their actual representations in sushi) add a bit more to the meal, but not significantly.
So the big question here is: Why bother comparing these things? One side is definitely not like the other. Not only are you changing the literal foods represented, but you’re changing their nutritional qualities too. Eating one meal here is similar, but really not comparable, to eating the other. So why put such different things side by side?
The answer: It’s a scare tactic. When people share this meme, it’s because they know that the general public is afraid of white bread. We’re told that white bread is something to be avoided. So by showing 6 entire slices (and cutting them in half in order to make it look like there’s even more bread being shown!), you’re using that fear in order to push people away from other foods too. This is compounded by using the word “binge” to describe such a meal, as though there is something overwhelming and automatically disordered about eating this amount of food.
The reality is: You can eat bread. You can eat rice. Carbs are a necessary part of our diets that provide us with energy. None of this is inherently bad for you, nor is it something to be avoided. If you’re hungry and this stuff looks good for you, eat either meal!
Reblogging for the final comment
Honestly the ‘girls’ especially really bugs me for some reason - at least the other stupid posts like this I’ve seen had the decency not to be gender-specific. It just feels so condescending and it really gets under my skin.
and this assumes that I just wouldn’t eat six whole slices of bread
#and I’d do it to spite someone sooooo
Clara I feel like you’d do anything to spite someone
Sorcerer’s Stones: 76,944 Chamber of Secrets: 85,141 Prisoner of Azkaban: 107,253 Goblet of Fire: 190,637 Order of the Phoenix: 257,045 Half-Blood Prince: 168,923 Deathly Hallows: 198,227
Word count in the LOTR Series:
The Hobbit:95,022 Fellowship of the Ring: 177,227 Two Towers: 143,436 Return of the King: 134,462
Molly Weasley having so many grandchildren that the kids start stand in specific formations to spell bad words with their sweaters in the Christmas photos
Molly Weasley’s children and their spouses specifically picking out baby names that start with certain letters so that they can stand in specific formations to spell bad words with their sweaters in the Christmas photos
I’m probably way late to the party in posting this, but I thought it was such good commentary.
If some art house director made a movie about, say, the
malaise-inflected ill behavior of the fading gentry by filming nearly
500 hours of footage of actors banging around an Italian mansion and
then sculpting it into a movie in edits, that this would be considered a
major artistic achievement would be inarguable. Doubly so if the
finished product managed to tell a moving story with minimal dialogue,
with most emotion being conveyed through blocking and meaningful glances
between actors. It would be a triumph of cinema, a profound statement
on what movies have to offer the art of storytelling that theater and
novels cannot provide.
Well, that is exactly what “Mad Max” is, even if it pulls the stunt off
with car chases and cartoonish violence, instead of gazing out of
windows while the music subtly swells in the background. The fact that
it’s such a fun movie shouldn’t distract from the fact that
it’s also an artistic experiment toying with how to use the tools of
film-making to tell a story in an entirely different way than we’re used
to.
C’mon, Academy, Oscars for George AND Margaret please! And for all the other MMFR nominees, too!
“Mad Max” is more than just a really good movie. It’s also a wildly innovative movie, one that plays with the very idea of filmmaking itself. The director, George Miller, tore up the book on how to make a movie, taking huge risks in doing so, and ended up making the movie that people could not stop talking about this year.“
