not recognizing abusive behavior as abuse until you’re out of that situation is not at all unusual and does not mean your experiences are less real, less valid, that the abuse didn’t happen, or that you deserved it
AND. Coming to the realization that something you previously thought was ‘just a bit tense’ or even completely A-OK was in fact extremely abusive it ROUGH AS HELL. Trust me, I speak from experience (my parents are fabulous people, but let’s call my extended family 'interesting’ and leave it there, mmmkay?) If you’ve got someone to help you through it, awesome, great (I had my mom, my best friend has me, someday she’ll help her sister, see how this works?), that won’t make it a lot easier because that’s not how it works, but it’s a pretty great thing to have someone who can confirm that you’re not crazy. But if you’re having to handle that realization on your own, I am so sorry, stay strong, you’re worthwhile, I love you so much, if you ever need to talk, you can talk to me.