Aries "Her tits are fucking glorious."

Taurus "Yea I have sexual daydreams about him."

Gemini "I started a notebook where I just write down everything I say because I say a lot of funny stuff."

Cancer "Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY BIRTHDAY IS JULY 16 WHAT'S MY SIGN."

Leo "My brother said he's going to help me get abs. Thank God, he's fucking ripped."

Virgo "Why are you sitting there? That's where my bag sits."

Libra "Look at these. *pulls out a pack of dry erase markers* I have every single color."

Scorpio " I told my mom jokingly that I liked My Little Pony and she fucking bought me a poster. *gestures to poster*"

Sagittarius "This better be important I was watching Pocahantas."

Capricorn "Watch this. This is something you would do.....if you were a lizard."

Aquarius "3 words. Hello. Kitty. Underwear."

Pisces "I will pee on you. I will literally pee all over you. I'll paint your house yellow with my piss. Give me the fucking remote."