if you suspect someone is in an abusive relationship and actually want to help them leave, dont argue with them about it. listen to them, let them talk. when they describe an action you feel is abusive, you can say, as gently as possible, that you would understand if that had upset them. as soon as they get defensive, back off. dont be any more critical of their partner than theyre able to tolerate without shutting off the conversation and writing you off as someone whos safe to talk about their relationship with
there isnt a big moment of clarity for most victims, theres a gradual, growing awareness that the way theyre being treated is wrong, and that they dont deserve to be treated this way. you can help people get there by listening to them and supporting them- something you cant do if they wont talk about their relationship with you anymore, which is what happens when you just keep yelling DUMP HIM
(via bonehandledknife)
