Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

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seduce me with ur history knowledge 

vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft

During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.

raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death

during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.

The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people

King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.

Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.

Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes

At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.

When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.

Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.

During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.

The Roman Empire had a group of Holy Chickens. Fortune was good or bad depending on how well they ate.

The hero Perseus was so popular in ancient Greece that multiple cities tried to claim a relation to him. Mycenae did this by connecting its name to his myth. Because of this, the name is said to derive from the pommel (mukes) of his sword, which he dropped; the mushrooms (mukes, again) that he ate there and the bellow (mukema) Medusa’s sisters let forth when they finally gave up their pursuit (which obviously happened near the city).

Prayers to the gods in Ancient Greece were often first spoken, then tied to the right statue so they would not be forgotten. If a prayer was unanswered, it was acceptable to curse the god instead (and tie said curse to the statue as well).

It is unclear whether the Greeks actually sacrificed humans or just really liked writing about it. 

Priests had little to no power in ancient Greece.

The goddess Hera, queen of the gods, was not only goddess of marriage, but also of divorce.

Aphrodite was goddess of love but also goddess of the Gentle Sea (as opposed to Poseidon who ruled the chaos of the sea).

Apollo was considered the most Greek of all the Gods but he’s originally from the East. 

Artemis was the goddess of the wild, terrifying and dangerous, until Homerus turned her into a gentle virgin. 

In the ancient Egyptian afterlife, they believed they had to pass certain levels to get to rest in peace. One of these involved being chased by a giant dung beetle

Margaret Thatcher was on the team that invented Mr Whippy ice-cream

In 1970 famous Japanese author/actor Yukio Mishima wanted to restore Japan’s empire by giving the emperor back his power. He and his extremist group, the Shield Society, took over the Tokyo JSDF headquarters and after a long speech, he attempted to commit seppuku, which meant taking a sword and slowly cutting your abdomen open from side to side and then slicing the body cavity vertically up the center. One of his followers was in charge of severing Yukio’s head if he wasn’t able to complete seppuku, which he wasn’t. But this soldier was like 19 and freaked out. He closed his eyes, took a swing at Yukio, and cut off part of his skull, Yukio still alive. He tried again but this time took a chunk out of Yukio’s shoulder/arm. Finally, some other person had to come up and cut off Yukio’s head to put him out of his misery.

historians wanted to figure out what had given the north the upper hand in this one key battle in the civil war.

they set up re-enactments, looked at pictures, read the stories, and came to the conclusion that the north had a fence to hide behind,

a literal FENCE turned the tide of the civil war.

(we thank the fences we do)

Potatoes are from Peru, and Europeans didn’t desire them. So Frederick the Great used reverse psychology to get potatoes to be popular in the Kingdom of Prussia. He had patatoes heavily gaurded. Thus, making people interested in them. Some people even started stealing them. 

Peter the Great traded several of his tallest Russian soldiers for possession of the original Amber Room from a Prussian king, who liked the idea of surrounding himself with tall fighters.

There is a writer known as B. Tavern, for whom a lot isn’t well known about. It is believed that he did live in Mexico, where a lot of his novels are set in, including The Treasure of the Sierra Nevada. 

The writer, Ambrose Bierce disappeared one day in 1914 in Mexico. No one is quite sure what happened to him.

There are small objects called Roman Dodecahedrons that have been excavated in many places from Wales to Italy, though most have been found in Germany and France. No one is quite sure what they have been used for, though some have been found with melted wax. Speculations have ranged between candlestick holders to survey instruments to religious artefacts.

There is no such thing as a brontasaurus. A group of archeologists coming to the end of their dig strung together what bones they did find and called it an whole skeleton so as not to have come up empty handed.

This post changed me

(Source: rhv, via lupinatic)