next up, in food trends that are apparently not satire: why not eat a fucking gelatin jellyfish? it’s new! it’s translucent! it looks like an unused breast implant or something you’d find stranded above the tideline! it has almost zero calories because it contains nothing in the way of flavour or nutritional value, and we think that’s just nifty.
this is some dadaist aspic minimalism bullshit, I swear to allsuffering christ. why not eat some clingwrap while you’re at it? or - let’s go crazy - a slice of fucking cheesecake? ARE THE SHADES OF PEMBERLEY TO BE THUS POLLUTED? DID WE SUFFER AND DIE IN VAIN?
I was gonna say, that’s….that’s not a cake. That’s unflavored jello. Literally vegan gelatin and agar are both gelatin substitutes, their only purpose is to flavorlessly cause liquid to become less liquid. So unless the mineral water is flavored, that is plain jello topped with what amounts to caramelized sugar. (I’m not going to even dignify “roasted soybean flour” with a response.) This is what will appear in the new Lileks Gallery of Regrettable Food in fifty years.
I mean, it’s perfectly edible and all and if you want to eat it you go ahead and bon appetite, but this is not cronut-level territory. I could make that for you in my own kitchen in about 30 minutes and mine would be shaped like a skull because I have more imaginative jello molds. (Technically I could also make you a cronut, but that involves way more time and energy.)
Given the restaurant claims to be serving them “this weekend” this may be an April Fool despite being posted twelve hours too early and on a reputable news site. Friendly reminder tomorrow is “bully someone into feeling gullible day”….
That moment when I think, “Okay, but I’m still willing to make this for science because it’s stunt food that doesn’t have anything in it that can make me sick.”
Oh man, at least use fruit juice instead of mineral water, though. Like I know you aren’t allergic to tasting things :D
I mean if you (the universal you) have dietary restrictions/allergies that prevent eating animal gelatin, agar and other vegan gelatin substitutes are great. No argument here. I get why they’re using that. It’s not the agar I have objections to. And I suspect with the original dish, they’re playing with texture, I just think they’re doing so rather unnecessarily.
There’s no reason you should have to suffer a flavorless blob of goo dunked in sugar under the guise of “dessert that won’t kill me”. It’d probably be healthier, actually, to cut the syrup of cane sugar and use fruit sugars instead. Get some pomegranate juice and make BLOOD DROP CAKES! Use tomato juice and booze and make yourself a bloody mary shooter. Add almond extract if you must have a raindrop, it’s clear and will at least give you something to taste. But unflavored gelatin, oh my god, I love you too much to let you do that to yourself and call it “dessert”.
^^^