Okay, so you know what I want to see in the Black Panther movie?

• Natasha sparring with one or multiple of T’Challa’s bodyguards.
  
• Bad guys keep trying to get T’Challa when he’s on diplomatic trips, but the bad guys keep getting punched in the throat by his bodyguards.
  
• This happens multiple times. The scene will cut from T’Challa trying to stay awake during a meeting about embargos or something, to his bodyguards brawling in the parking lot.
• T’Challa doesn’t even know there are bad guys half of the time because that’s how efficient and brutal his entourage is.
• I want at least one Wakandan to watch the news, shake their head, and say, “What is up with these white people?” But then T’Challa gives them a really stern look, because he is a righteous and progressive king. I want the Wakandan to kind of blush and correct themselves with, “Excuse me, I meant people of European descent.”
• Bonus points if this is one of his bodyguards, after seeing Spiderman doing literally anything.
• I want a flashback to Civil War, where T’Challa’s team of bodyguards are losing their minds. “How do you lose an entire king?!” And the oldest, wisest, most-done-with-this-shit bodyguard (let’s call her Aunika) just puts on a pair of shades, and goes, “Where’s the Panther suit? Wow, it’s missing? What a coincidence.”
  
• She is so done with his shit, she puts a tracking chip under T’Challa’s skin like he’s a pet labradoodle. And then she puts a tracker on the suit. And then she puts a tracker on the backup suit he doesn’t think she knows about. She is too damn old to be running all over the globe trying to protect this meatball.
  
• And traditionally, the bodyguards aren’t supposed to talk to anyone except each other and their king, and Aunika is old enough that she still won’t say anything to the other Avengers. But she will absolutely drag T’Challa’s ass when they’re alone.
  
• But in, like, a mom way.
  
• T’Challa gets pretty, very young bodyguards, sent from all over Wakanda, and he’s like, “They’re so smol and precious.” And Aunika is like, “You’re all literally the same age. Nakia has six inches and thirty pounds on you.” And T’Challa looks her dead in the face, “So smol. So precious.”
  
• Okay, when Aunika is talking to T’Challa, she is 100% polite. All the time. But she pulls some wild shit. Like she has new recruits for the Dora Milaje program prove they can bench press his bodyweight. And they have to get it right, so he obviously has to be there to get bench pressed. New recruits have to be able to run a half mile with him in a fireman’s carry, and in a bridal carry. “Aunika, you never had to do any of this when my father hired you.” “My king! Are you implying I am just making up new requirements? To what end? To embarrass you?”
  
• T’Challa goes on an Avenger’s mission and it goes pear-shaped basically immediately. His bodyguards swoop in, crack the Hydra base open like an egg, do some quick reconnaissance, pick up the information the Avengers were supposed to get, and then they wait around. And poor Nakia is like, “Let’s just grab him and go!” But Aunika is like, “If we rescue him, it’ll hurt his feelings. We just have to wait for him to get out himself and then we can act like we just got here, and then we can go.” But Nakia is still like, “Then why did you tie me to this metal chair?” And Aunika is like, “So he can ‘save’ you.”
  
• Nakia: “Is this because I failed the flight simulator? I can retake it tomorrow!”
  
• Aunika: “I can’t hear you over the sound of our king performing a daring rescue. Hello T’Challa. It’s been so long I forgot what you looked like.”
  
• (That is a dramatic lie. It’s been 24 hours, tops.)
  
• I want Aunika to try to adopt Sam Wilson, to save this sweet summer child from these white savages. “I mean, these savages of European Descent.”
  
• Basically, I want 80% of Black Panther to be Serious Plot, and the other 20% to be his bodyguards dealing with his life decisions.