Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

suzukiblu:

suzukiblu:

suzukiblu:

beckyh2112 replied to your post:beckyh2112 replied to your post:I want to hear…

*rolls over, bares her tummy* yesssssss

Also NONE OF THIS makes Vader less vicious or violent out in the world. Sometimes this makes Vader MORE vicious and violent out in the world, in fact, because he figures out slightly quicker than Padmé exactly how much SHARPER she is with him when he’s gone farther than she wanted him to go. And it’s not even the sharpness he wants specifically–it’s the ATTENTION–but he’d never say no to it. When she figures THAT out … hah. Haaaaah. She doesn’t even have to fucking TOUCH him, when she figures that out. 

She DOESN’T touch him when she figures that out. He goes fucking CRAZY with it; he falls the fuck APART with it. She doesn’t even look at him for a full week, not even when he goddamn BEGS her to. The Empire could probably have collapsed without either of them noticing, if the Senate hadn’t known exactly how dead they all would’ve been if it had. 

Just–Padmé Amidala literally riding the FUCKING TIGER here, with the fine line of giving Vader enough Dark to be content with but not enough to damn himself with. As if that even matters, now. As if that COULD matter, now. 

It matters even more, now. 

But what Vader wants from her is so much tenderness, and so much terribleness, and so MUCH, and sometimes Padmé isn’t sure if she’s the bloody bite-mark smeared down his throat or the soft hand stroking through his sticky, sweat-soaked hair. Or worse–if she’s both. What is she, if she is both those things to someone? 

What is she if she is both those things to the GALAXY? 

@words-writ-in-starlight: honestly padme’s internal riding the whirlwind half-panic is so glorious and like i am SO HERE for vader who is so much her servant in every way and when she realizes that ah when she realizes that things change vader goes out and runs wild against her orders and returns with blood on his hands and she greets him with a cool nod and a cursory kiss to the cheek and then she goes back to her work and doesn’t say anything further except a brief reprimand for the wreckage and he is SO LOST in the absence of her grounding him vader goes out on another mission and follows her orders to the letter and when he returns padme makes herself smile and opens her arms and asks ‘what do you want tonight’ ‘what can i give you for making me so happy’ and he falls into her like she is a black hole and he is so far beyond the event horizon and padme holds him close and bites and kisses and bloodies him and he is drunk on it on HER and she is so so afraid of him of herself for the galaxy for her children I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH

Like I would add more here but WHAT IS THERE TO ADD?? What. What could I even put here? Except maybe the part where Padmé realizes that even as she’s wrapping a tighter leash around Vader’s throat than anyone else ever has, he’s fucking THANKING her for it. He’s always had a leash or a collar or a slave chip, he’s always been OWNED by something or someone, and he’s always hated it. But HER leash, HER rules, HER orders–those aren’t like anyone else’s. He’s HAPPY under her, and all it took was a few thousand murders and betrayals, all it took was killing himself for her. 

Vader doesn’t know how to be free, because the Force doesn’t expect him to be free and even Anakin never really knew how to be. Even though this is the MOST free that either of him has ever been. He could do anything he wanted, go anywhere he wanted, and all he wants is his Master. 

Padmé realizes this. Padmé HATES this. 

Padmé also rewards him when he obeys her, and punishes him when he doesn’t. 

@words-writ-in-starlight: okay so vader’s relationship to the concept of ‘master’ here is super interesting because when he was young (when ANAKIN was young padme thinks but doesn’t say when it comes up) it was attached to pain and punishment and grief and tears and suffering and then it was about the jedi ‘master this’ he says 'master that’ and yet he was expected to care for them love the jedi ideal in the perfect courtly manner they expected in the perfect passionless jedi way and then it was about palpatine all manipulation and coercion and he could tell he knew he was being wielded but he was a thing for wielding wasn’t he? and then and then he realized that for the first time he had a choice three masters to choose from palpatine and obi-wan and padme and padme’s hand around his throat is sweet and electric and he is hungry for it and he probably tells her that at some point and she has to take a deep breath and let it out slowly without letting her hand in his hair go tense so that she doesn’t scream or cry or shove him away but she breathes and combs her fingers through his hair and murmurs that she is glad he chose her that he is so good for her so perfect for her and he rests his head against her knees and sighs

Absolutely. Absolutely and ENTIRELY. The only choices Anakin Skywalker ever really made were picking his master, picking the person to follow, to swear himself to, and he was never a good slave or a good Jedi or a good Sith, but he’ll be good for HER. Padmé is the only one who didn’t betray him or try to make him deny who he was, didn’t lie to him–Palpatine wanted him to think she had, but that was just more proof that Palpatine wasn’t the right master. The right master wouldn’t have needed to lie to get his loyalty. 

The Jedi told him he couldn’t have attachments; they told him he couldn’t be Dark; they told him he couldn’t have HER. That he couldn’t GIVE himself to her. 

But Padmé is his Master. The only worthy one he’s ever had. 

(shut up, Obi-Wan, bastard, traitor, liar, you don’t know you refused to understand you would never have treated me like that if you REALLY–)

Padmé is Vader’s Master, so he gave her everything. His loyalty and an empire and the lives of every soldier in it, the lives of every Jedi who’d ever served beside Anakin Skywalker, the life of every other Master he’d ever sworn to. If he has to belong to someone–if he’s always going to be a slave, a servant, a tool, a possession–then at least he’s strong enough to pick who owns him, now. He’ll take all her orders, do everything she asks of him, make the GALAXY do anything she asks, and he will thank her for it every time. It’s better this way. 

Sometimes he thinks it would’ve been better if it’d always been this way.