Who wants to hear my latest story of being a fucking disaster?
All right, so, here’s the deal: I’m pre-med, just finished my junior year of college, and, like a fucking moron I thought that I could maybe trust that, y’know, literally anyone in the department at my school would have realized that I do not actually know everything. In fact, I often don’t even know what I don’t know, and therefore am often in a position of, A, flying completely blind, B, bordering on a panic attack, and, C, totally unable to even start doing research in order to resolve my ignorance.
Why does this currently matter?
So, the deadline for the medical school app (yeah, there’s just the one, apparently, and they send it to the schools you want them to send it to) turns out to be October 13th.
That means that I need to take the MCATs at such a time that I’ll have the grades by October 13th, meaning that I need to take it in early September (because then the grades will be out on October 12th), which means that instead of having a significant part of next semester to study, I have this summer.
Now. I also have an internship this summer. A very intensive internship eight hours from my home. An entirely research-based internship that I only signed up for after my…everyone spent months talking me into it. After my organic chemistry teacher spent an entire semester talking me into it. I do not have time to intensively study for the MCATs during this internship, but I guess I’m going to have to fucking make do because I will not retain information through a gap year. If someone had thought for one second to talk to me about the MCAT thing, this all would have been very different. Given that it actually never came up, I did not even begin to realize the size of this critical gap in my knowledge.
You know, I have trust issues and I know it, and I have trust issues with teachers and authority figures specifically, but somehow every once in a while I get comfortable enough or stupid enough (fuck if I can tell the difference anymore) to think they’re actually going to take care of me. And then I am suddenly and viciously reminded of the fact that this always happens and I shouldn’t be surprised anymore and yet somehow I always am. I expect teachers to punish me for things that aren’t my fault or leave me to handle a physical threat without help–hell, I even expect teachers to punish me for handling a threat to my safety. But for some goddamn reason I always fool myself into thinking that somehow they’re going to help me with shit like this.
