the world's oldest ship war

Aeschylus Achilles goes on top.

Plato No; definitely Patroclus.

Xenophon They were just friends.

Plato Shut up, Xenophon.

Aeschines It's practically canon.

Aristarchus I know it looks canon, but Homer didn't write that - someone added it later.

Shakespeare It's canon.

Source: wearethemakersofmanners
NO ONE IS QUESTIONING THAT ACHILLES AND PATROCLUS WERE KNOCKIN' BOOTSexcept xenophon and apparently aristarchusbut since they basically disappeared into obscurity they don't get a votehistory according to tumblrgreek mythology according to tumblrmotherfucking shakespeareshakespeareachilles/patroclusfor what it's worth this ongoing ship war is hilariousbecause people are really hung up on WHO TOPPED(because of the greek concepts of lover and beloved in male/male relationships)which leads to VERY INTRICATE discussions of the specifics of achilles' sex lifefor examplethe argument that achilles topped was based on the fact that he was achillesplato's side of the argument was more popularbecausewellhe was platohis argument was that patroclus was older and it was noted that achilles was beautiful 'like a young girl'which in the day meant that achilles would have been the eromenos and patroclus would have been the erastes