Okay, first of all, liking Elizabeth Baddest-Ass-Sailing-The-Seven-Seas Swann best is an indication of exceptional taste, I approve, you go.  Second of all, it’s way too one-in-the-morning for me to write actual fic, but I’m gonna cast the fuck out of a pirate AU, because motherfucking pirates.

• Enjolras: the captain, of course, of the buccaneer ship Abaisse.  It’s small, easily crewed by half a dozen in a real pinch, and as long as no one takes any injuries their little crew does pretty well.  Abaisse–or ABC, as they affectionately call her–is a whip-quick little boat, too, their attack method to strike like lightning and raid even the biggest merchant ship in minutes.  Enjolras was the son of a wealthy merchant–he bought Abaisse with the last of his own money, after he left in a rage upon discovering that his father’s lucrative new business venture was based on human cargo.  Abaisse’s first strike was on one of his father’s merchant ships, crossing the ocean to bring slaves to the New World–her crew took the ship like a hurricane and earned themselves the nickname Les Amis, after they turned the ship over to the captured men and women.
  

• Courfeyrac: the first mate, the one who makes sure the crew is healthy and morale is up and things are running smoothly–insofar as the controlled chaos on Abaisse is ever running smoothly.  He and Enjolras and Combeferre have been friends since they were young, met in school and learned to sail together when they were collectively toying with the idea of joining the Navy.  He’s the one who makes sure that Enjolras’ occasionally single-minded drive to even the scales doesn’t render the crew too strapped for food or money, and he’s usually the one to notice when they’re in need of a night of music and laughing on deck.  He also appears able to function on little to no sleep, so Courfeyrac is usually the one to take the midnight watch.

• Combeferre: technically the second mate, but functionally the other half of the first mate’s post.  He and Courfeyrac basically tag team, and the only reason anyone knows for sure who the first mate is, is because when they get captured it’s Enjolras and Courf who get removed from the others.  That’s fine, though, because the three of them apparently have a hive mind and breakouts are small potatoes at this point.  Combeferre is their tactician, the one who makes it possible for a crew of (at best) a dozen to take a ship three times their size, and he was already on his way to getting disowned for stubbornly refusing to go into the Navy when Enjolras turned up at his door with a wild proposition.  He’s also their medical person before they collect Joly, and then they work together–Joly’s knowledge base is broader, but Combeferre’s steady presence helps reduce Joly’s proclivity to spiraling into random stuff about tongues and sleeping with your head to the north.

• Joly: the ship’s medic, officially speaking, although see above.  He and Bousset used to be part of the crew of a merchant ship, more indentured service than voluntary–working off the price of their passage until Abaisse hit them.  Joly’s leg was caught in an unfurling sheet some years back and wrenched badly enough that it never healed quite right, it gives him terrible trouble before storms, but he’s such a talented doctor that the crew of the Abaisse are more than happy to make some accommodations.  He’s also the life of the party, every day–when Courfeyrac decides they need a morale-boosting party on the deck, Joly is the one who keeps everyone grinning until the music starts.  

• Bousset: a jack of all trades who’s good in a brawl, so he’s generally part of the boarding party.  Bousset can climb rigging, shoot a gun, fire a cannon, you name it, but he has an uncanny ability to get into trouble in the process.  He’s an A-grade sailor in every capacity, he can even steer the ship, but somehow when he has his hands on the wheel they always end up in a storm, even when someone else is right next to him double checking everything.  It’s a goddamn mystery.

• Musichetta: Joly and Bousset’s mistress in Port Royale, who lives very comfortably on the ill-gotten goods her two pirates provide her.  Joly and Bousset are matelotes (historical gay pirate term) and it’s agreed that this extends to Musichetta, and most of the crew has met Musichetta and find her delightfully steely and sweet by turns.

• Jehan: ship’s poet.  Yeah, they were confused too.  Because Jehan, for all that’s he’s tall and strong, looks like the exact opposite of the sort of person who would make a good pirate.  But he can hit a fly with a throwing knife at twenty paces and shoot a gun passably, not to mention that he’s got a level of intuition about people that can only be an asset and he’s just…very soothing to have around.  When he’s not killing people, and sometimes even when he is, as long as you’re on his side.  No one’s entirely sure how he ended up on board the Abaisse, but they’ll take it.

• Feuilly: flagmaker and cannoneer.  The flagmaking is an old skill from when he was young–he maintains their Jolly Roger and their collection of false flags–but the cannon technique is a relic from his stint in the Navy.  He wasn’t especially charmed by the Navy, so when his ship was attacked and the Abaisse offered him an out, he took it.  He and Combeferre are a large part of the brains behind their uncannily excellent evasion of the law.

• Bahorel: fighter and cook.  His terms.  Everyone else has tries to come up with more detailed explanations, but he’ll just shrug and point out that he knows what he’s good at and he’ll keep doing it, thanks.  He’s also pretty much the only one who signed on like a normal human being, met them in Tortuga and had a contract and everything.  People are generally deeply shocked to hear this, since Bahorel looks the every inch the brawler pirate.

• Grantaire: the voice of reason, to be perfectly honest.  Cynical, yes, a drunk, absolutely, but also the one who will clear his throat and say “I get that you want to hit that ship, but please consider that in addition to its ill-gotten cargo, it’s a sixty-four gun ship and the best tacticians in the world are ultimately no substitute for cold hard steel.”  Or he’ll get to that point after a while.  Enjolras is always a little bitter about having to listen to him.  They’re also sleeping together.  Enjolras is in denial.  Grantaire is depressed.  Everyone is suffocating from the sexual tension.  The usual.  They picked Grantaire up because a transient crew member left and Bousset went “Oh, I know a guy who’s good with a sword” and dredged Grantaire out of God knows where.  It’s possible he made a bad first impression on Enjolras, having been not quite hungover because he was still drunk.  He’s a pretty decent pirate, though, good in a fight and brilliant with a sword, and he can actually sing, which was a nice addition to Courfeyrac’s morale parties, since only one or two of the others can carry a tune in a bucket.

• Marius: not very good at being a pirate, to be frank.  Technically he’s a pirate, but he has a lot of issues of conscience when it comes to taking other people’s stuff, so they mostly keep him because he doesn’t have anywhere else to go and he’s good with numbers, so he keeps track of everything on board.  Courfeyrac turned up after shore leave with him and he almost instantly misstepped with Enjolras, and Courf had to intercede on his behalf.  They do like him, even if some of them might not like to admit it.
• Cosette: adopted daughter of a reformed pirate who was very distressed to learn that his daughter’s new paramour was a crewman on the Abaisse.  Cosette basically does what she wants, though, and she wanted to be a pirate, and she makes quite a good one.  She and Enjolras get on like a house on fire, and contrary to the usual seaman’s superstition, she seems to ameliorate some of Bousset’s ill fortune, so they let her stay.
• Valjean: aforementioned reformed pirate.  He was a pirate for about a minute and a half before he was caught and…yeah, honestly after that his plot is pretty much just canon, up to Cosette meeting Marius.  
• Javert: basically Commodore Norrington except more of a dick.  

• Eponine: originally there for Marius, has since turned into quite the pirate herself.  She kicks ass at the pirate thing (largely because her father is the privateer captain of the formidable thirty-two gun Jondrette) and she and Cosette are excellent friends.  She’s moved on from the Marius thing and she’s that one crew member who appears to be able to pull a weapon from thin air–guns, knives, even a grenade, once or twice.  She showed Bahorel how to blow stuff up with flour, it was the highlight of his year.
• Gavroche: pretty much Gavroche.  He’s practically a pirate in canon, anyway.  He spends all his time in the rigging and the crow’s nest, or with Grantaire or Courfeyrac, depending on who’s available.  He wants to captain his own pirate ship some day, and tends to become mysteriously deaf when people ask if he’s even old enough to be a pirate.  Then their valuables go missing.  He knows nothing about any of that, though, Grantaire was drilling him in fencing, are they sure they didn’t just misplace them?