YOU ARE NEVER ANNOYING ME WITH ASK MEMES.  Okay, because I am the way I am, the morphs are split up by function rather than ranked, there are more functions but these are the six morphs I would really really want.

Wolf: Battle Morph

Wolves are tough, powerful, and they have hella stamina on the run or in a fight.  If I wanted more agility, I’d go timber wolf, if I wanted power and bulk I’d get an arctic wolf/Yellowstone wolf because they’re about the size of a small pony.  I’ve always loved wolves, they’re just absolutely stunning animals, and while I lived out in MT I saw a wolf pack face down a hungry grizzly bear, and that means I have capital-R Respect for them.

Grizzly Bear: Battle Morph

Um, we’ve covered that I’ve wanted to be Rachel since I was Smol, right?  But that aside, for just pure crushing power, a grizzly is a good bet.  Grizzly v. car ends with a totaled car, I know this from seeing the effects, and they can truck along at a good 30 mph given the inclination to do so.  Their vision is for shit, but like.  They can also swat a person’s head clear off their shoulders like a fucking soccer ball.  Who the fuck needs good vision, I don’t even have that as a human and as a human I can’t bat someone’s head off their shoulders.

Red-tailed Hawk: Recon Morph

So, my logic here.  First of all, the vision.  A bird of prey is the perfect morph for recon because vision.  No point getting up close and personal with your target when you can follow them leisurely at half a mile.  Second of all, red-tails are the most common hawk in the Americas, and they thrive in just about every habitat warmer than ‘Arctic’ and wetter than ‘desert,’ which makes them much less remarkable than, say, a bald eagle (I love Rachel).  Third of all, and this is the reason I went with a more noticeable raptor rather than, say, a rat with wings (I live on the coast and my view on seagulls is…not generous), a hawk is actually worth something in a fight.  A female red-tailed hawk can push a five-foot wingspan with a razor-sharp beak and talons, and even the smaller males have the speed and natural weapons to make a menace of themselves in a fight–a seagull, on the other hand, might blend in with the crowd, but they also have fucking webbed feet.  And finally, Christ, if I’m going to turn into a bird I’m going to turn into something that can soar for hours, not flit from roof to roof and eat Subway sandwiches momentarily set aside by their owners.  In summary: bird of prey.  Also Tobias was a fave so I’m predisposed toward red-tails.

Cat: Recon Morph

Okay, hear me out here: alley cats as spies.  Cats can hear through walls, there’s literally no reason not to use one as a spy.  Stick me on a roof, I’ll eavesdrop all fucking day (with breaks every two hours for demorphing).  Also, while cats aren’t very big, they’re generally pretty good in a fight (as anyone who’s been scratched up by an otherwise-friendly housecat will attest) and they’re pound-for-pound one of the most efficient predators in the world.  On top of that, stray cats are a common thing in any city–roll around in some dust to scruff yourself up and walk like the streets are yours.  Beats the everloving hell out of a housefly morph.

Dolphin: Water Morph

Literally who doesn’t want to be able to turn into a dolphin.  No one, that’s who.  I fucking love dolphins.  I think I made a comment about this in this write-up, but I’m pretty sure being able to morph, and being able to morph dolphins in particular, has great potential as a treatment for depression (assuming you’re not, you know, the last bastion of defiance against an alien invasion).  I’d like to submit my name to that clinical trial, someone hit me up.  Also, I’m not a confident swimmer but I love the water, so being a dolphin would be EXACTLY aligned with my interests.

Snake: Fun Morph

Am I picky?  No.  Would this morph literally ever be useful?  No.  Do I just really, really want to turn into a snake?  Yes.