sorry not sorry @kentparseparson and i came up with this ridiculous headcanon that definitely needed to be shared with the world

• one of the frogs (probably chowder *war flashbacks to 3.15 blog post*) accidentally calls jack “dad”, oops
  
• inevitably, it becomes a SMH meme so fast, they all start calling jack “dad”
  
• except bitty. bitty is 100% banned from calling jack “dad”.
• anyway jack gets??? so used to people calling him “dad” by the time he graduates that when some random kid is talking to their actual father like “hey dad” jack turns around like “yeah???” and the falcs are like ??? you’re not a dad ??? right????
  
• you’ve clearly never met the samwell men’s hockey team
• SMH gets out to one of jack’s games and literally all of them are wearing shirts that say “jack zimmermann is my father” and made signs like “go dad!!!!”
  
• falcs: aw look jack ur kids are so supportive that’s beautiful (((:
• jack: i have no friends in this world
• and you know the falcs join in after a while of course
  
• marty: hey dad can you pass me my water bottle
• jack: you are literally older than me
• tater: wow dad you playing so great, hoping i’m being big hockey star like you when i’m being grown-up
• jack: go away tater i’m trying to eat my pb&j
• kent somehow manages to get hold of a “jack zimmermann is my father” shirt
  
• which marks the day that kent is also 100% banned from calling jack “dad”
• bitty and kent bond over this and become best friends
• it also marks the day that the jack “dad” zimmermann meme continues to spread from samwell to providence to fucking las vegas
  
• everyone on the aces start calling him “dad”, too
  
• aces player when jack checks him: what the fuck dad, i thought we were cool
• aces goalie when jack scores: dad is that any way to treat your son
• jack: *so dumbfounded he forgets how to play hockey for a minute*
• the aces starting buying jack so much “#1 Hockey Dad” shit
  
• when the aces win the cup one of them is like “i want to thank my dad, jack zimmermann, for always supporting me”
  
• bitty is laughing so hard he falls off the couch
• meanwhile jack is just like “he did not just…. say that…. on TV. bitty– bitty stop laughing you’re supposed to love me bitty please”
• espn is confused. baby daddy!jack rumors arise. as does the new “Jack Zimmermann Is My Baby Daddy” meme (and shirts).
  
• (bitty buys 3)
• (shity has a crop top)
• and if you think bob and alicia zimmermann are innocent during this whole strange phenomenon you’re very wrong
  
• both of them totally get in on the baby daddy rumors. bob fuels the flames “well he did bring that one person over here that one time…” alicia starts asking when she’s going to get to meet her grandchildren, jack.
  
• also bob wearing one of the “jack zimmermann is my father” shirts
  
• jack: ok but dad you’re literally my dad ??? stop ??? why are you like this ???
• every week there’s a new rumor over which hockey player jack zimmermann has a child with
  
• SMH does their duty and makes sure to report to jack every time they find a new one
• “hey jack why didn’t you tell us you had a kid with sid crosby bro that’s not a secret you keep from your bros”
• the week it’s jack + tater, jack gets nearly simultaneous texts from ransom and kent like  “🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 right in my BACK, zimmermann, i’ve never been so BETRAYED”
  
• kent and ransom form a Personally Betrayed By Jack Zimmermann For Taking Our Man support group