Book #31: The Conspiracy, pg. 42 (by K.A. Applegate)

Okay but just let me, like, get this off my chest.

I feel like a lot of the various ghost writers didn’t have a super great grasp on how to deal with Tobias’ background which, like, hey y’all, no judgment, I’m told it’s hard to generate authentically fucked up family dynamics without shall-we-say hands on experience.  (Actually the person who wrote 33 did really well, particularly the scene with Tobias’ near-death hallucination/what-have-you and every time I read it I need to physically remove my heart from my body in order to make it stop causing me pain but A N Y W A Y.)  But this person, who wasn’t even writing a Tobias book, I think presented one of the most authentic moments of Kid Who Was Pretty Fucked Up To Start With accidentally reminding all his friends who are More Freshly Fucked Up that his life has literally always sucked.  Like, this person nailed the FUCK out of this particular exchange.

It’s how casual it is.  I think I saw someone comment once that Tobias seems almost uncaring in this book which…yes?  I mean, it’s not so much that Tobias doesn’t care, he cares very much, but he just has NO point of comparison.  But it’s the totally casual nature of this comment that makes it seem natural.  This seems like a totally logical statement on Tobias’ part, and the revelation that it’s not is upsetting to him.  Not because he’s profoundly distressed in the moment about his family, but because he’s experiencing a shift in worldview–something he viewed as normal, maybe even as a positive, is an indicator of neglect.  It’s a weird feeling.  And this exchange NAILS THAT FEELING.

Also, Rachel’s clear and evident rage on his behalf makes me really happy.