there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D
homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do
achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon
achilles’ player: *rolls a 1*
homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend
Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?
Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–
Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.
Achilles’ player: How many?
Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.
Achilles’ player: I fight the river.
Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.
Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
Homer, the DM: You spot your enemy in battle. What do you do?
Paris’ player: I fire an arrow at him, ignoring his armor. *rolls a 6 for accuracy*
Homer, the DM: You hit him where he has no armor, but in a non-vital area.
Achilles’ player: Damage done?
Paris’ player: *rolls a natural 20, gets a 4 point bonus from Rage*
Homer, the DM: Lethal.
Achilles’ player: Fuck…
Homer, the DM: Alright, your wife’s suitors are attempting to string your bow. *rolls behind screen a few times* A few of them fail miserably.
Odysseus’s player: Alright, let me try. I pick up the bow.
Homer, the DM: The suitors begin laughing and jeering at you. Give me a strength check.
Odysseus’s player: *rolls nat 20*
Homer, the DM: You string the bow. Thunder booms. A cat dies in a nearby house. One of the suitors busts a nut. Your glamour is starting to wear off.
Odysseus’s player: As my glamour wears off, I shoot an arrow through all three hoops at the target. *rolls nat 20*
Homer, the DM: The arrow flies through the hoops and skewers the target. The suitors notice your glamour wear off and are terrified. None of them have ever seen you in person, though, so none of them recognise you.
Odysseus’s player: Alright, I shoot them.
Homer, the DM: Shoot who?
Odysseus’s player: The suitors.
Homer, the DM: Which ones?
Odysseus’s player: *pauses for a second* Yes.