WAIT NO DON’T LEAVE

SO HERE’S IRONY FOR YOU: you came in and didn’t want to bug me so you asked in like a sideways way, BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO BUG YOU, so I didn’t talk about it.  (I’m a mess, I’m sorry, y’all gotta be explicit about this stuff because I have no self-confidence.)

BUT ON THAT NOTE let’s talk about perceptions of sex and romance in Alleirat?  Like?  I’m into it?

Earth is where the trouble comes from

So you know the code of chivalric love, where like the fair and pure maiden is adored from afar by the knight and on the one hand it’s kind of cool but on the other hand it’s predicated on the fair and pure maiden who can’t reciprocate or even really acknowledge what’s going on?  I like that first half but the second half bothers me like FUCK so I made a better version.

In Alleirat, sex and romance are considered linked, but not intrinsically so–having casual sexual partners is fine as long as your partner is aware and good with it, and sexual experimentation is considered normal (even expected) between the ages of like 16 and like mid-to-late twenties.  (People who are like ‘I am gay/straight and I am EXCLUSIVELY gay/straight and I have never experimented with another gender’ are considered weird and kind of to have missed out?  Like, they’re thought of as…having skipped an important life stage?  Societies Are Problematic, is my point here.)  Monogamy is common, but not mandatory, and conditional monogamy (which I’m about to get into) is pretty normal.

So, the courtly love arrangement, which is called amuniasa.  Like, say that you are a woman and you work closely with another woman, and you fall in love with her.  And you’re very much in love with her (commitment is Serious Business in Alleirat and cheating is considered an actual crime) and you tell her as much.  Now she has two options.  Either she can take you up on it and you can attempt a relationship, or she can acknowledge the honor you’re doing her with your feelings and declare herself amiasa, or ‘the beloved.’  Then you have the choice to remain committed to her as amdri (the lover).  Some basic rules of amuniasa include:

• Amuniasa is generally given the same level of importance as marriage, and there are a very short list of reasons that are considered valid to dissolve it.  

• Amdrin and amiasan are permitted, but not required, to engage in other romantic and sexual relationships.  It is common and accepted for someone to have both a spouse and an amdri/amiasa, although it’s not frowned upon if someone devotes themselves wholly to their amiasa.
• Brenneth’s right-hand during their previous stint in Alleirat (Krei The Tree Lesbian’s mother Torei) was Brenneth’s amdri, and never took another romantic partner during the remainder of her life.  Brenneth and Torei are held up as sort of the Platonic ideal of devotion and amuniasa.  (Krei’s coloring also suggests that her father looked like Brenneth, but she never met him.)

• The amiasa has a limited period of time to change their mind (often one year), and leading your amdri on with hints that you might one day return their feelings (or with sex) is considered incredibly cruel and dishonorable, and is a valid reason to dissolve the relationship.  (Your amdri is functionally off limits for sex for this reason.)

• Hassling your amiasa and trying to force them to return your feelings is not permitted and is a valid reason to dissolve the relationship.  It can also get you arrested, sent out of the city, or placed under what basically sums up as a restraining order.

• It is standard for the amdri to give gifts to their amiasa, or to perform great deeds in their name if they’re in a position to do so (also a thing that Torei is considered the ideal of).  Alternatively, an amdri might cook for their amiasa or perform another kind of service, like braiding hair, tending children, etc.  This is because Alleirat views service and gift giving as a mandatory core of every romantic relationship (…this extends to orgasms), not because the amdri is viewed as in any way subordinate or servile to their amiasa.  The amdri considers it a privilege to perform service and give gifts, and the amiasa recognizes the honor being accorded to them.

• It’s actually not common for amdri and amiasa to continue working closely unless it’s necessary, as it’s believed that this is unfair to the amdri.  They interact largely socially and on their own terms, to the extent that the amdri is comfortable with–this might be several visits in a week, or the amdri might travel quite a distance.  (Torei is considered an outlier, as she took a position as the captain of her amiasa’s guard and proceeded to live, work, and spend all her time with Brenneth for four years.  …there are songs about Torei’s devotion and selflessness and disregard for her own pain, is what I’m getting at here.)

• It IS common for your amdri or amiasa to know your children, if you have any, and is generally considered their de facto guardian in the event of a disaster.

• It is NOT UNHEARD OF for someone to executively decide not to even try to have a relationship and act as an amdri without telling their amiasa.  This is generally because they believe they have no chance with the other person and that their attention would make their amiasa uncomfortable, such as a man falling in love with a lesbian, or someone falling in love with someone aromantic.  This is considered fine, but it also means that you have no formal claim on the other person.
• This can also be because they have a terrible (justified) guilt complex and believe that the other person could never reciprocate as a result of four years of mutual attempted murder.  Not that I’m in any way vagueblogging about any of my characters here.

ANYWAY THIS HAS BEEN A PRIMER ON LOVE AND ROMANCE IN ALLEIRAT, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK OTHER QUESTIONS.