Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anonymous asked: A week ago I sent you an ask really freaking out about college and your advice really helped me. I just want to say thank you so much. I still have 2 days until I leave but I am not as freaked out anymore. I do have another question though. Is there anything that I would need to bring that people don't normally think about? I don't want to get there and find out I have the wrong stuff.

Hey, babe, I’m so glad my advice was helpful!  Hm, stuff to bring to college that people don’t normally think of…let’s see…

• First aid kit.  It might seem obvious, but it’s not.  Even if it’s just a box or two of bandaids, some rubbing alcohol, a bottle of Advil/Tylenol, and some Neosporin.  It’ll make you popular, and it’ll come in handy.
  
• Small sewing kit.  Even if you can barely sew a button.  Thread and needle come in handy more often than you’d think, ditto safety pins and scissors.  You should be able to buy one at any reasonably large craft store.
• Your favorite kid’s show/movie and a way to watch it.  I’ve watched more Disney in the last few years than…ever, maybe.  And I got Liberty’s Kids this summer and I’m gonna watch the fuck out of it this year while I write my thesis.  Seriously.  Your serious, dark TV shows are great and I love them, too, but when you inevitably have a really awful day, a light, familiar, comforting kid’s show or movie is the way to go.  TRUST ME ON THIS.
• At least one book you really love.  I brought a whole crate of books, including the entire Harry Potter series, my first semester.  I didn’t read half of them, but I have no regrets.  It was soothing to be able to see them there, you know?  Something that was mine.
• I suggested this before, but some kind of comfort item?  I have a few stuffed animals that always come to college with me, a favorite blanket, that sort of thing.  Tell anyone who questions you to fuck right on off.
• Bring backups.  If you wear glasses, bring an extra pair (try Zenni.com if you don’t have the money to drop on an extra pair of store-bought glasses).  Bring an extra phone charger.  Bring extra headphones.  Bring extra everything.
• SNACKS BUY FRIENDS.  Bring some chocolate, bring some cookies, whatever you can get your hands on.  It’s easy to buy the love of a college student with junk food.
• On a related note, maybe have some foodstuffs in your room for when you decide that you just cannot with the dining hall anymore.  Everyone reaches that point eventually, even if it’s just because you’ve had a long-as-fuck day and people seem too intimidating.
• On ANOTHER related note, if you drink caffeine, find a source that works.  Coffee, energy drinks, tea, those little MIO things.  It helps to know where you’re getting that boost.  And remember, kiddo: caffeine OD’s are a thing, and I will be disappointed in you if you drink twelve espressos in a day and have a heart attack.
• Last but not least, something to cover the walls.  I said it before, I’ll say it again.  College dorms are basically prison cells before you put shit in them.  Posters, sticky notes with quotes you like, pictures, whatever.  I make signs with quotes and sketches and Organic Chemistry stuff.  Adler has a postcard collage.  ANYTHING.  Blank white cinderblock walls are depressing.

I hope it goes well, babe, you’ve got this!

Anonymous asked: I want to learn so many languages but it's like next to impossible and there is so much I want to do with my life but no way to get to all of them....

I feel you so much, my friend.  If I had the money to be a perpetual student, I would be one of those people who was just an expert in everything with zero real-world experience.  I don’t really have any advice for you (I mean, unless you’ve never heard of Duolingo, which is a great language-learning system that also has an app and is free, unlike Rosetta Stone), except that it’s completely possible to learn a bunch of miscellaneous crap on your own.  

• The Wikipedia spiral is treacherous, but a good default.  
  
• Get a random book from the library or troll the free books on the internet, buy one if you have the money.  
  
• For languages specifically, Duolingo is fantastic and they have an ever-expanding collection of languages, including colloquialisms.  I’d start with something that’s spoken in your area so that you can get some practice with real people (Spanish is a dominant language in a lot of the US, so that’s a good fallback because it’s also useful).  Google it, make an account, even if you don’t know if you’ll use it.  It’s free, take advantage.

Yep.  That’s pretty much what I got.  If you figure out a way to get to more stuff, or get more hours in the day, please make me the first person you tell, because I would love to have six more hours in the day to get stuff done.

Anonymous asked: i think I like a girl. A straight girl. H el p m e I m a wr ec k :((

Oh, babe, trust me, I wish to God I could show you a switch to flip to not have crushes on straight girls.  I feel you on a visceral level, as I too have landed myself in that position this summer (she’s just so pretty, guys, and her accent does stuff to me).  But, alas, no such switch has presented itself to me.  That being said, here are some things I can tell you for sure about it.

• You’re going to be fine, even if it feels a little like you’re dying in the moment.
  
• If they figure it out, they’ll either
• move on with their life and treat you as well as they ever have, which means they’re going to be a valuable friend,
• be a dick about it, in which case they didn’t deserve your affection in the first place, or
• turn out to be less straight than you thought, which is unlikely but a nice fantasy.
• Life is too short to pine away over someone who can’t return your feelings.  That sentence will come back to bite me in the ass with my roommate the next time I insist on keeping my mouth shut to a crush, but it’s true.  
• Let yourself look at other people, see the line of their jaw in the sun and the way the tendons move on the back of their hands, the way their eyes look in the light, hear the way their voice makes the air tremble, and let yourself like those people too.  You’re not betraying her by moving on.
• Moving on isn’t something you can force yourself to do.  It’ll happen when you’re not paying attention.  One day you’ll realize that you don’t feel that swooping twinge in your chest when you look at her, and you’ll miss the feeling a little, but it’ll be gone.
• You’re going to be fine, babe, I promise.  It’s not fun, but c’est la vie.  One day this will be a distant memory, time moves on and so will you.

Anonymous asked: I've realized that I leave for college in 11 days and have never been away from my family for more than a week (and that week was when I stayed with other family for a family reunion... anyways) and I am kind of freaking out about it. How do I deal?

Oh, baby, listen, college is scary as fuck from the outside, it’s the nature of the beast.  I promise, I really do, after that first terrifying week or so of adjustment, it gets easier, you learn the rhythm, slip into it.  College is fun, once you get a finger on the pulse of it, whether you’re someone who likes to party or someone who thinks a movie marathon is where it’s at.  But the adjustment is inevitably a little rough, so I’d say the first step of dealing it to remind yourself that you’re going to be one freshman in a whole cadre, and every last one of you is going to be just as stressed.  If someone seems calm about it, it’s not that they’re more of a grown-up or less homesick, it just means they’re a better liar.  Take a deep breath, let yourself freak out, and remember that you’re going to be okay.

Some other tips for dealing:

• Try to make at least one friend on the first day, even if making yourself walk up and talk to them is absolutely terrifying.  I’m not still friends with the people from that first day, we grew apart, but having someone to sit with at meals that first week, someone to share sarcastic looks with during the hideously awkward ice-breakers, someone to actually look for in a crowded room rather than standing around like a stump?  It makes life a hell of a lot easier.
  
• Skype exists!  Skype is great!  If you’re homesick and you want to Skype your parents every single day, do it!  Shit, I’m going to be a senior next year, I haven’t been home for more than three weeks since last winter, I am planning for after college and grad school, and I still video-call my parents at least twice a week when I can.  If anyone tries to give you shit, literally just stare at them like they’re speaking another language.  It shuts people up damn quick, and you don’t even have to do anything.
• Related to the above: your relationship with your family is going to change.  You’re going to be on your own, living your own life for the first time, and it’s inevitably going to have some effects on your relationship with your family, especially your parents.  Don’t be afraid of it, and be willing to set your own boundaries if you feel like you need to.
• Bring your favorite books and movies, and for fuck’s sake bring a stuffed animal or a favorite poster or something to give your room some life.  Dorm rooms look like prison cells, it’s depressing as fuck, cover that white cinderblock shit up.
• Bring some comfort food with you to your dorm room, even if it’s just a bag of Hershey’s Kisses or something like that.  In fact, bring some comfort food for yourself and then bring something sugar-loaded to share with the riff-raff.  The affection of college students is easily bought with junk food, it’s an instant friend-maker, and having something familiar and comforting really will help.
• Don’t expect your roommate to be your best friend.  I mean, they might be, or you might go through a LOT of roommates, and expecting them to be your best friend right off the bat will just set you up for disappointment.  My first roommate and I rarely spoke more than pleasantries, my second arrangement was a quad, my third arrangement was a triple, my fourth arrangement was the same triple with a roommate swapped out, and now I have my roommate who I adore living with and who is my entire social circle.  There might be a lot of shuffling around and that’s fine.  It’s normal.  
• This is more general, but DO NOT live in a quad.  A triple was pretty strained.  The quad was intolerable.
• Make friends outside your room.  I can’t emphasize this enough.  It’s hard to feel homesick and out of place when you have other people around, even if you aren’t going to be bestest friends forever.  Tips for making friends include:
• Crack a joke.  Laughter causes a flood of dopamine and seratonin, the feel-good chemicals in your brain, and that person will associate the pleasant sensation with you.
• Feed them junk food.  I am so fucking serious, I bought the friendship of a PA (my school’s floor-by-floor equivalent of an RA) with a chocolate chip cookie.
• Join a club.  Ready-made group of people who share at least one interest of yours.  Statistics are in your favor that at least one of them will be tolerable.
• Nothing bonds a group together like shared suffering, so if you have a particularly awful teacher, sit down with your class at lunch and bitch with them.  Same applies to a particularly difficult class or a catastrophe.
• On that first day (and this is going to sound bad) look for the easiest target.  You see a kid sitting alone at a table?  Take two deep breaths, brace yourself, and just fucking sit down with them.  Have a remark prepared, if it helps, something like “Can you believe the icebreaker they made us do” or “Holy shit this is a lot of people” or “Hey I like your shirt.”
• Basically, you’re going from an environment where you have people to one where you don’t.  So GET PEOPLE.  It’ll help.
• This is a chance to reinvent yourself.  Take it.  Be honest with what you like and dislike, because doing your first impression as yourself will net you better friends than otherwise.  Don’t feel obliged to have the TV college life with partying and drinking and drugs if you don’t want it, you aren’t doing college wrong if your version of Friday night is movies ‘til morning rather than dancing ‘til dawn.  Conversely, college really is a chance to kind of explore your life a little.  Kiss people, if you’re into that.  Learn a new language.  Try something you’ve never tried before, even if it’s just joining a new club (if you’re curious for recommendations, I suggest D&D because I’m a fucking nerd).

Above all else, let yourself freak out.  Cry all over someone before you leave for school.  Tell people how much you’ll miss them.  Admit to the people you meet at college that you’re freaking out.  Bottling up the stress will just make it really hard to adjust.  So panic, and then breathe, and remind yourself that you’re going to be all right.

And here’s my obligatory medical addendum: bring a first aid kit and maybe google how to treat a cut or a scrape or something.  It’ll make you popular to know how to do basic adult things like that.  Also, do what you want, it’s your life, but I’d advise not going to class hungover (meaning drink on weekends), and remember that if you or your friends do anything especially dumb, the EMT’s are not there to narc on you, please come clean to them.  Don’t mix uppers and downers, and it IS possible to OD on caffeine.

Go forth, baby, because you’re going to be fine.