Anonymous asked: I have spring break next week and I am legit terrified because on campus I dont have a scale but at home I do and I dont know how I am going to deal if I become obsessed with trying to watch the numbers drop again. I have spent this whole school year trying to overcome my eating disorder and I haven't been home since August but my dad wants me home for spring break and I dont know what to do. I have the worst anxiety about this and I know it's bad but it is like a habit when I am home.
Okay, sweetie, the first thing I want you to know is that I’m really proud of you for fighting against this. What I always tell people is that free fall is effortless–whether it’s free fall into depression or anxiety or an ED or whatever. Climbing back up is work, and I’m really impressed with how tough you are to apply yourself to that work.
Second of all, everything you’re saying makes complete sense. You’re not crazy, it’s so easy to slip back into a habit, I know it. But the fact that you’re aware enough to recognize the habit, and recognize the threat of slipping back into it, that means you’ve already made incredible progress, sweetie. And I want you to know that you’re not crazy to worry–the human brain really likes its patterns and habits, it’s wired to click back into old ruts and it takes a lot of strength to be wary of that.
So, as far as coping goes, I have a couple of suggestions.
The easiest and most direct would be to get rid of the scale at home if you can. If you feel like you can’t do it yourself, maybe you could ask someone else to come and take it instead. If your dad is aware of your situation, he might be able to help you. Asking will be hard–really hard. But you’ve been really strong to work to recover so far, and if you’re that committed, I believe in your ability to ask.
If that’s not an option, or if that’s not enough–and absolutely no judgement on either of those–it might help to have someone to keep you accountable. Someone to talk to, or message, every day and say “I didn’t check my weight at all” or “I ate three meals today” or “I’m really struggling today” or whatever it is that you feel like you need in order to be supported. If you have a close friend who’s aware of the situation, you might be able to ask them. If not, you can feel absolutely free to message me instead, on or off anon, whichever makes you more at ease.
Finally, I’m going to give you the advice I dole out to everyone I know who’s struggling with a mental illness. Go easy on yourself. Don’t hang yourself out to dry for missing a meal, when that energy could be applied to the next challenge. Have some sympathy for yourself. Be gentle, if you can, and cut yourself some slack. This is hard. This is work. Be willing to acknowledge that, and be aware of how much you’ve accomplished already. If there’s anything I can do for you, honey, don’t be afraid to ask.
