Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anonymous asked: Natasha Romanoff B and D

I’m gonna do them all, I’m sorry, I am.  For this ask meme.

A: what I think realistically

Natasha didn’t just wake up one day clean and free to wander into the arms of SHIELD.  She doesn’t have the scar from it anymore–it was a long time ago, and a woman in her line of work has to get some laser treatments–but Clint shot her through the shoulder when he caught up with her, and it was her response that saved her life.

He couldn’t kill someone who stared him in the eye and said, plain as day, “Go ahead and do it then.  Save all those people from me.”  Pause.  Bitter laugh.  “Save me from me.”

Natasha beat him to a bloody pulp the first time they sparred, for disobeying.

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

Natasha, most of the Avengers believe at first, is effortlessly classy, humorless, and overall terrifying.

They are wildly unprepared for Natasha’s prankster streak–through a combination of dizzying logic and sweet-talking, she gets JARVIS on her side and convinces him to kill all the systems in the Avengers Tower.  While Tony is hammering away at his keyboard, trying to find the problem, JARVIS asks, totally deadpan, “Would you like to play a game?”  Tony shrieks.  Natasha gets it all on camera.

They are likewise unprepared for the first time Natasha and Clint actually stay there for an extended period of time, which includes Natasha, dressed in a shirt she stole from Clint and comfy leggings, sitting crosslegged on the floor and eating cereal at 2 AM while watching old Burn Notice reruns and critiquing the spy shenanigans out loud, regardless of who’s in the room.

It doesn’t come as a shock to them when Natasha goes through an entire week of addressing Clint by increasingly elaborately incorrect codenames.  At first it’s “Duck-guy” or “Crow-man” or “Goose-face,” but by day six she’s calling for “Ruby Throated Hummingbird” over the comms.  He walks into the debrief and sits down next to her and goes “Hey, Tarantula” and genuinely fears for his life for the next forty-eight hours.

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

The Red Room recruiting nine or ten year olds?  Nah.  Natasha–Natalia–neither of those then, but Natasha-Natalia-Anja-Laurel-Cara-Kristen-Hana-Jessamine and a hundred other bloodstained girls all the same–was four years old when her family’s home burned to the ground.  She killed for the first time at five.  She was pitted against another child, then, and a knife was put in the room, and whoever lived, left.  She went on a mission for the first time at fourteen.  Failed.  Accidentally killed the target before extracting information.  Punished.  Another mission a year later.  Perfection.  

First wiped at sixteen.

Natasha believes she was wiped perhaps twelve times–not after every mission, like the teacher she barely remembers (blue eyes and hard jaw and numbness–Yakov? she doesn’t know), but often enough to keep her controlled.  Her last mission, before she was brought into SHIELD, was supposed to be a routine recon to a hospital in Sao Paolo which was thought to be funneling drugs.  A children’s hospital.  Competition for a major contributor to the Red Room.

It was far worse.  Natasha-Natalia-Mila couldn’t leave those children–some of them barely alive anymore, some of them twisted by experiments into…desperate things–to their fate.  She knew about desperate things.  She made sure they all died cleanly before she burned the building to the ground.

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

Natasha is in love with Clint Barton, her hypercompetent loser of a partner who lives in Bed-Stuy with a dog and his…trainee?  Sidekick?  Mini-me?  Don’t bring no AOU nonsense into my house.

In all seriousness, comic ‘canon’ is such a moving target that you can justify almost anything, and I basically abandon MCU canon whenever it suits me.  That being said, heADCANON THAT NATASHA BELIEVES SHE’S A MONSTER BECAUSE SHE FUCKING MURDERED A LOT OF PEOPLE AND NOT BECAUSE SHE’S INFERTILE WHAT THE F U C K.

Nope, nope, I swear to Christ, I’m going to come up with something that’s not about AOU, I am, I promise, oh my god, um.

Natasha and Vision are good buddies because Natasha had to fumble her way through how to have Genuine Human Emotions a little bit at first (not how to have them, just how to…deal?) and is happy to explain to Vision when he’s confused.

zombierose3 asked: I asked you about the Darcy-su-namun and cat fic, but it's too long for me to post into this, so I will send you it in a chat because I can't directly reply to the message you sent me, unfortunately, but thank you for the fic because it was SO cute!! The part about Bucky at the end was adorable, too.

amusewithaview:

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Here’s the original ask and answer in its entirety:

@zombierose3 asked: I never knew I needed Darcy su Namun and Imhotep. You complete me. Thank you. Ps, I’d love to see a drabble or one shot where Darcy gets a pet cat.

A/N: I feel like the two things I am most known for in Darcyland will shortly be soulmates and Darcy-Su-Namun and that makes me lol 5ever.

---

She names him ‘Hugh’ because she spent the first two weeks referring to him as ‘Hey, you’ and it kind of slurred, then it kind of stuck.  Hugh looks like a pile of dusty rags spontaneously developed a pair of big golden eyes and and long sharp claws.  Hugh purrs like an engine without a muffler and makes a sound like ‘myeh’ when he wants something.  This is the first time she’s ever owned a - no, that’s not enough, this is the closest Darcy has ever come to having a child in any of her lives and she is overcome.

Clint is nonplussed.  “Isn’t he just supposed to be, like, your early warning device when you’re alone?  Beware, dead ex-boyfriends closing in?  I don’t think you need to bring him everywhere.”

“He’s more than a guardian,” she says firmly.

He shoots a confused look at Natasha, who rolls her eyes.  “I’m more of a dog person, myself,” she says, eyes flicking towards the archer momentarily, “but I understand the sentiment.  Ask Pepper, not Tony, she will set something up for you.”

Shortly after that, Hugh becomes a permanent fixture around the Tower.

Specifically, around (or on) Darcy.  He frequently rides her shoulder, or sleeps in her handbag, or trots at her heels.  It takes about a month for everyone (Tony) to get used to it.

“You’re looking better,” Jane comments.  “Less-” she makes a vague gesture at her face and grimaces.

“Less sleep-deprived?” Darcy offers.  “He keeps the nightmares away.”

Jane nods and, if there is suddenly a surplus of kitty treats on and around the astrophysicists desk, well, she’s not the only one.  Steve keeps them stocked too, and Bucky always has something squirreled away in his pockets.

It takes about a month for the Captain to sidle up to Darcy in the elevator, one hand automatically burying itself in the fur of the head next to her own.  “Do you think-”

She wordlessly hands him a card with a name and a number.

Three weeks after that, Bucky gains his own purring shadow.

I just wanna say that these are the greatest tags maybe ever:  #yes i was absolutely implying that natasha thinks of clint as her dog in some vague possibly subconscious way #or that she thinks of clint as doglike #and since she prefers him to all other people #by extension she thinks of herself as a dog person and not a cat person #she herself might be more of a cat in personality and presentation #but natasha prefers dog people

amusewithaview asked: LINK ME PLEASE

I’m publishing this publicly because I feel like everyone deserves to know that there is a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU of Clint and Natasha and IT IS GLORIOUS.

Anyway everyone should read it and also???  Why is there not a Mr & Mrs (or Mr & Mr/Mrs & Mrs/etc as applicable) Smith AU of every ship????  I’m disappointed in you, fandom.

lathori asked: Marvel (you must do some that don't involve Xmen, I see you) FOR ALL THE MEME QUESTIONS <3 your wife

JUST LET ME TALK ABOUT X-MEN FOR THREE HOURS WOMAN

For this list

name ur politically correct ship that no one ever questions

I SHIP NICK SPENCER WITH THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL RESERVED FOR TRAITOROUS BIGOTED SCUM.  But I mean other than that…Natasha/Clint, Vision/Wanda, Rogue/Remy, and my much-maligned-by-movies-and-ignored-by-the-internet OTP Kitty/Colossus.  There is no order of preference here.  Also I recently got sold REALLY HARD on Steve/Bucky (recently, ha, like three years ago Jesus Moran get your shit together) so like, also Steve/Bucky.  And any marriage that makes Storm happy and a queen of a country, so by default Ororo/T’Challa.

now name ur trash ship

I do ship Natasha/Bucky, but I think the circumstances confirm me for a bad person, because I only ship them in the context of ‘I don’t remember you and you barely remember me but you can’t bring yourself to kill me so you shot me and saved my life and I woke up in your safehouse while you wiped my wounds with a gun in your other hand and I’m not sure which one of us you’re going to shoot first.’  So.  Like.  In the single most unhealthy available context.  In a whole universe of unhealthy contexts.

Also I feel like Bobby had a crush on Hank when they were both kids and sometimes still jerks off to his best friend but I DIGRESS.

and ur really trashy im-going-to-hell ship

Elektra the unhinged murderer/Matthew Murdock the desperately earnest crusader.  Fuck brutally against a wall and piece each other back together with trembling hands that smear your skin with blood.  Cling to each other in your dying moments and stand over each other’s graves feeling guilt for not saving each other and guilt for not killing each other.  Throw words like knives and hate yourselves for every hit even as you gloat.

Good.

who is your cinnamon roll fave who everyone loves

KITTY GODDAMN PRYDE, @EVERY MOVIE PERSON EVER COME HERE AND FIGHT ME.  Also Warren and Storm, I would die for Storm.

Also Steve Rogers.  I have this reoccurring daydream where Steve punches Nick Spencer in the face.

who is your sinnamon roll fave who everyone loves to hate/hates to love

I genuinely would not even know if I had one of these, Marvel has been in my blood and bones since I was too young to be on a computer unsupervised.  I like the FF more than most people seem to?  I really like Professor Xavier and I get really defensive when people talk shit about him?

who is your trash fave who is so problematic they probably have hate tumblrs dedicated to them

I…do not know.  I think Loki makes a pretty compelling villain, but I think I’m in the majority there.  I low-key want to fight whenever someone suggests that Warren joined Apocalypse of his own free will, but I AM STANDING BY COMIC CANON COME AT ME.  So yeah, don’t think I have one of these.

what is ur  guiltiest guilty fave fandom

Okay, listen, I will be an eighty year old woman who is made entirely of salty, salty attitude and brittle bones and I will STILL be reading my campy ridiculous 60′s comics with terrible dialogue and circus-performer villains.  I know it’s not a fandom, but still.

OH I really love X-Men: Evolution and I have a whole lecture about why it’s the best adaptation of the X-Men that I’m aware of to date, but I never tell anyone that I like it for some reason, does that count?

what is the fic you want to write/read but can’t because it is too full of Sin

…so.  I actually started this one (this one) and it was Good but then I realized it would be months and months of work and I got pre-emptively tired, but basically, first words soulmate AU where Natasha and her Black Widow trainee peers all got programmed to brutally murder anyone who said their words. So then Clint shows up and of course says her words and she tries to kill him before he pins her to the wall with an arrow, and they have a really terrible brutal few months where she begs him to just kill her a lot.  And Clint keeps a taser on his person for survival reasons.  And at least once Natasha tries to stab him to death in his sleep just to end the struggle.  And Clint has a terrible awful no-good very bad conversation with Coulson about the appropriate time to cut his losses.

what is the most sinful fic you have ever read/written

G O D D A M N

what is the worst thing you want to become canon (character death, trash-ship etc)

…listen…it’s Marvel…it’s all already canon babydoll…all of it…everyone is dead…everyone has had bad relationships…everyone has been resurrected…there’s no answer here…

what is your most sinful headcanon

Do not look me in the eye and tell me that Remy LaBeau has not figured out a way to have sex with someone without touching her skin.  Whether he’s put it into action or not, that’s another story, but he has DEFINITELY figured it out.

what is your cutest headcanon

Clint watches a lot of Disney movies (he looked it up, it’s called reparenting yourself) and so consequently during that couple month period where he and Natasha are basically locked in a warehouse waiting for her to fight off the worst of the brainwashing, Natasha watches a lot of Disney movies.  Now they’re Avengers and they watch Disney movies after missions and shit. Steve gets invited to join them because Natasha decides that They Will Be Friends (Natasha’s grasp on how to make real non-mark friends is heavily influenced by the fact that her first real friend shot her, handcuffed her, and locked himself in a warehouse with her for a couple months, and also was a circus performer with a dubious handle on the friendship thing himself).

what is your heart-breakingist head canon

…I mean…canon…

I have others that are non-canon or fit within canon but like that shit’s a longer post that would need to be broken down fandom by fandom

what is ur crackiest crack ship

HA, Storm/Arkon, because the idea of Storm as the queen of a campy-ass warrior world makes me laugh

what is ur marginally less cracky crack ship

Fury/literally anyone, because he would be SO BITTER about growing feelings

what is ur favourite ridiculous au

It’s not actually that ridiculous, it’s kind of terrifying, but AU where Loki brainwashes Natasha instead of Clint in Avengers.

dreamerxnheaven:

it’s been around 1 ½ years since aou and I’m still bitter about clintasha

(via snarkyeloquence)

Clint’s perspective of meeting Natasha in that one soulmate AU, for @littlestartopaz.

Clint’s soulmark curves under the line of his collarbone, in tiny, precise handwriting.  And it’s…interesting.  It’s in Russian, he learns that real quick as a kid, and when he’s seven, still living at home with his parents and his brother, he finds out that one of his teachers speaks the language.  He rushes up to her the very next day and explains, hasty and stammered, and she smiles kindly, offering to translate it for him.

He pulls down the collar of his shirt—he sees her eyes drag on the hand-shaped bruise on his wrist, but she doesn’t say anything—and she leans down to read his words.

“Let’s see,” she says, and reads out the Russian words.  Clint tries to memorize the sound of it, so that he’ll know his soulmate when they meet him.  “Oh,” the teacher says quietly, and smooths his shirt back over his mark.  “Listen, baby, I don’t think it’s anything you need to worry about just yet, okay?”

“What does it say?”

She gives him a smile, sort of grim and sad and confused, and says, “I’m sorry, baby, I’m not going to tell you. You don’t need that on your conscience today.”

Keep reading

Anonymous asked: Sooooo, for the sake of pain, can I have a Nat/Clint fic for the OTP song thing for "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park

*cackling* All right, let’s play.  Trigger warning for…Red Room shit.  There’s more of this story, of course, after the events of the last scene, but I felt like this was a good place to end it.

Bring me home in a blinding dream,
Through the secrets that I have seen
Wash the sorrow from off my skin
And show me how to be whole again

‘Cause I’m only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything there for you to see

She is very small when she learns what they mean, the words inscribed over the curve of her hipbone.  Not the words themselves—they’re not Russian, not even the right alphabet, her parents say they’re French and she wonders what it means.  But they are her soulmate, her parents say.  Someday, somewhere, someone will say them to her, and that will be the person the universe has created just for her.

She smiled and traces her fingers over the words, over and over, and wonders who it will be.

And then her life catches fire and burns to ash, and she is taken away by a tall man with a solemn face, and given a new name.

Natalia grows up, and learns, and fights, and bleeds.  

Keep reading

slavicshadownr:

Clint: What if they catch us?

Natasha: I have a plan for that.

Clint: Which is?

Natasha: You run one way, I run the other. Whoever they catch first, too bad.

Clint: … I hate that plan.

(via littlestartopaz)

soldeirs:

imagine clint and nat just hanging around in one of their safe houses and lounging on the couch while doing research on their next targets and they try to one up each other’s assassination target like “hey my guy bombed 3 major cities in the past 6 months” “well my guy is rumored to be behind the deaths of over 15 big game politicians” “well I’m getting paid more”

(Source: bruuce, via yea-lets-do-this-shit)