Anonymous asked: tell me more about the Animorphs DnD Au. I really just need an AU where they don't suffer and just have a good time

My buddy, me too right this second.  For those of you who are not aware, that comment is buried somewhere in this recap of Book 7.

All right, so, like, here’s a basic breakdown of how it all goes down.

It starts with Jake’s big brother Tom, who, like, listen, his parents went “keep an eye on your younger brother after school on Fridays” and Tom went “that’s cruel” and his parents went “don’t be an ass” and Tom huffed like a teenage asshole and rolled his eyes and went “FINE.”  So he decides that if he’s going to be mandatory babysitter for like four hours on Friday afternoons he’s going to do something amusing with his time, and he asks Jake if he knows anything about DnD.  Jake goes “nope!” with good-natured interest because this is his big brother, and Tom’s like “GREAT we’re going to do that recruit your friends”.  And Marco’s in on the spot because he’s a fucking nerd who’s probably done reading on DnD even though he’s never been able to actually play a campaign, and Rachel agrees on behalf of herself and Cassie because she’s exasperated with Jake and Cassie and this is an opportunity to force them to spend multiple hours together.  (Cassie is unexpectedly the major sticking point here, but her parents are like “PLEASE HAVE FRIENDS AND A LIFE OUTSIDE THE BARN” so ultimately she ends up going.)

On the first day, as they’re leaving school, Rachel grabs Jake by the arm and points subtly over his shoulder.  “Hey,” she whispers, “isn’t that Tobias?”  It is, in fact, Tobias.  Actively in the process of maybe fighting a bully for his backpack–if Tobias loses his backpack, no way is his uncle buying him a new one, and he’s also going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble, so yeah he’s gonna fight for it.  Jake and Rachel don’t know this at the time, but listen, Berensons are Berensons in any universe.  Jake ambles over, all cheerfully broad shoulders and stocky build just starting to settle into ‘teen’ rather than ‘kid,’ and silently menaces the bullies into stepping down.  And then he kind of subtly kidnaps Tobias to go with them.

(Ax moves into town a month later.  He’s living with his much-older brother who used to be a soldier and now he’s done with that and working as a computer…person.  Full disclosure, I don’t know that much about Comp Sci, but Elfangor Shamtul is a programmer and he’s the rising star.  Ax is living with him because *waves hand* better schools maybe?  IDK.  That’s how Ax shows up, and they kind of adopt him because he’s new and he joins their campaign.)

Tom, because he’s kind of a dick, declares that he won’t tell them anything about the plot, except that they all have to dual-class as modified Druids.  

(I have added a cut because this got kind of long.)

Keep reading

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

Concept: a D&D campaign where every party member has been co-opted or replaced by some sort of hostile intelligence; e.g., the fighter has been possessed by a ghost, the wizard is being mind-controlled by her sapient magic ring, the rogue is actually a shapeshifting blob-monster who devoured the original and stole her form and memories, and so forth. Each of them is totally unaware of the others, and believes itself to be the only monster in a group of unwitting human adventurers.

  • The warlock has been infested by a demonic fungus; her ridiculous hat conceals the giant mushroom growing from the top of her head.
  • The barbarian is a lizardman who fell victim to a botched reincarnation spell and regenerated as a human.
  • The druid was actually killed weeks before the party met, and is being expertly impersonated by three dire raccoons in a trenchcoat.
  • No one knows that the bard’s deal is; she seems perfectly normal to every physical and supernatural test, but pings to detect aberration.

(via aethersea)

toxicxbunni:

fadetouched:

when you fail a persuasion attempt in an rpg:

Fact

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

Tags: DnD

yourdndstories:

Lord cheesus died and rose again. 

Follow my work on facebook and twitter

yourdndstories:
“I’m pretty sure the monster manual explicitly states that goblinoids are super kinky.
”

yourdndstories:

I’m pretty sure the monster manual explicitly states that goblinoids are super kinky. 

(via bronzedragon)

Tags: dnd laugh rule

outofcontextdnd:

DM: He grabs you by the collar of your shirt.

Fighter: I go in for the kiss.

(via quantizedweird)

Tags: laugh rule DnD

Maybe a stupid idea, but maybe it already exists

feyundead:

spontaneousmusicalnumber:

You start a game of DnD with a blank character sheet. Your DM has them all. You only discover stats and things as they become relevant. 

Like, “I rolled 7 on my constitution check”
“You get a +2 bonus so that’s a 9.” 
*Hurriedly marking it down*

Or 

“I would like to ask the innkeeper if there is anything weird going on in the area”
“Dragonborn are rare in these parts, so she is suspicious at your approach.”
“Wait I’m a DRAGONBORN?!?”

It would be absolute chaos but for a one-shot I feel it would be fun. Maybe all the characters have amnesia and they have to figure out what they can do from scratch.

@emperorjex

(via johanirae)

kramergate:

kramergate:

not to get mad nerdy but I just discovered tabletopaudio.com and I’m fuckin losing it

this person (people?) goes about making 10 minute long loopable ambient noise tracks for every imaginable setting (docks, taverns, forests, airships, spaceships, office buildings, sewers, EVERYTHING) and has over a hundred tracks to offer, and on top of that if none of them suit you there’s a huge feature called soundpad where you can mix and match from their set of hundreds of individual sound effects and music clips to make your own ambient background track

holy shit dudes

I did a little further reading on his about and the guy running this is just a dad with two kids who like playing tabletops with him and he had the composition and musical training to start making soundtracks for his games then decided to spread that to the world for absolutely free, he even welcomes you to use his tracks in your works (podcasts, videos etc) and is open to being hired for custom tracks

I love him

(via lupinatic)

Tags: DnD

bramblepatch:

direhuman:

spinosaurusregina:

Why do people show dungeon masters as wizards in art and stuff? They’re clearly bards. Chaotic evil bards, often.

you think a bard can figure out the 3.5 grapple rules

A bard knows when to bend the rules of their chosen medium in service to the story. No satisfying narrative has ever resulted from trying to follow the 3.5 grapple rules.

(via youfightlikemysister)

pedanticlecturer:

earlhamclassics:

thoodleoo:

thoodleoo:

there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D

homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do
achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon
achilles’ player: *rolls a 1*
homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend

Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?
Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–
Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.
Achilles’ player: How many?
Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.
Achilles’ player: I fight the river.
Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.
Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*

ok, but like odysseus’s player was definitely the asshole who fucks up every plot point homer wanted to introduce into the story. agamemnon accidentally orders everybody to go home and the troops are about to set sail? odysseus’s diplomacy modifier says otherwise. some asshole’s trying to provoke mutiny and desertion in the ranks? an intimidate check makes it not a problem. they’re losing battle after battle? stealth check into the enemy camp and straight up sneak attack the sleeping trojan allies to death. achilles is dead and the war is all but lost? FUCK YOU my giant wooden horse and my bluff beg to differ. 

when it comes time for odysseus to play his solo campaign, the DM just rubs his hands together ominously and laughs.