All these fucking books! What could anyone possibly do with them all?!?!?!?! Do you eat books to absorb their powers instead of read them?
A better guess would be that you got into a moral panic over the name of a certain Renaissance statue and maybe after reading three pages of Edith Hamilton or the first paragraph of a Wikipedia article. And then used that to castigate and demean not only the people who actually take their limited time to create gorgeous art but also to denigrate modern day worshippers of Persephone and Hades?
Maybe next time, you stringy piece of over-boiled okra, you might want to take your own advice and pick up a book, instead of reducing the feared and respected Queen of the Underworld who held power equal to or in many interpretations GREATER than her husband into a meaningless pastiche of female disenfranchisement that you seemingly plucked from your own ass.
JESUS CHRIST THANK YOU
I don’t often reblog posts of people getting owned, but when I do…
man the ancient greeks didn’t dare to speak persephone’s name she was that powerful and venerated (they called her Kore, “the maiden”), hades didn’t get that honour
Rebagel for those book links, I find the Persephone and Hades stuff on here fascinating and I want to research it more
Thanks for all these info and links about Hades and Persephone! They’ve always fascinated me as a kid. Thank you, and this is relevant to my interests too ;)
Inspired by Icarus, who dared to fly too near the sun on wings of feathers and wax. If he was in love with the sun, then this might as well be a story of forbidden love.
Hercules is THE DEFINITION of a gentleman. Her dress strap slips down and HE PUTS IT BACK UP because he’s like “No, she’s a lady, she deserves my respect. Control yourself. Leave, just leave.”
Imagine if all guys/girls had that much respect for people they were attracted to…the world would be a lot better and safer, I can tell you that.
Also have to remember he’s never had a girl actually hit on him before.
2nd gif: #zeUS TAKE THE WHEEL #I NEED AN ADULT #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS
if zeus took the wheel this would have ended much differently
One helen is sufficient good looks to launch one thousand ships, and to cause the destruction by fire of an entire city. The objective standards of Ship Launching and Arson may now be used to analyze feminine beauty. […] The table below will be of assistance:
- Attohelen (ah) 10-18 helens: Light up a Lucky While Strolling past a Shipyard
- Femtohelen (fh) 10-15 helens: Burn a Dinner Candle & Spit a Toothpick into a Water Glass
- Picohelen (ph) 10-12 helens: Barbecue a Couple of Steaks & Toss an Inner Tube Into the Pool
- Nanohelen (nh) 10-9 helens: Send the Old Man on a Canoe Trip & Build a Good Roaring Blaze in the Fireplace
- Microhelen (µh) 10-6 helens: Christen a Motor Boat & Start a Grass Fire
- Millihelen (mh) 10-3 helens: Launch One Homeric Warship & Burn Down a House
- Centihelen (ch) 10-2 helens: Incinerate a City Block & Launch Christopher Columbus’ Entire Fleet: The “Niña” (40 tons), the “Pinta” (50 tons) and the “Santa Maria” (100 tons)
- Decihelen (dh) 10-1 helens: Torch the Central Business District of Oakland, California, & Launch the Clipper Ship “Flying Cloud” (1783 tons)
- Helen (h): Raze One City & Launch the WWI US Battleship “Delaware” (20,000 tons)
- Dekahelen (dah) 10 helens: Oversee the Incendiary Bombing of Ten Cities and Launch the Aircraft Carriers “Theodore Roosevelt” (91,487 tons) and “Dwight D. Eisenhower (91,487 tons)
- Hectohelen (hh) 102 helens: Instigate a Major Modern Conflict & Launch the Oil Platform “Stratfjord B” (with ballast, 899,360 tons), the Supertanker “Seawise Giant” (624,038 dead- weight tonnage); the Oil/Ore Carrier “World Gala” (282,460 dwt tonnage) and the Bulk-Ore Tanker “Hoei Maru” (208,000 dwt tonnage)
- Kilohelen (kh) 103 helens: Launch the Equivalent of One Million Greek Warships & Spark a Nuclear Confrontation
- Megahelen (Mh) 106 helens: Launch the Equivalent of One Billion Greek Warships & Blow Up the World
- Gigahelen (Gh) 109 helens: Launch the Equivalent of One Trillion Greek Warships & Destroy the Solar System
- Terahelen (Th) 1012 helens: Launch the Equivalent of One Thousand Trillion Greek Warships and Make Serious Inroads on the Welfare of the Galaxy
It is to be hoped that beauty exceeding the Hectohelen class evades even the most ambitious.
au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home
on the way home odysseus gets into a very minor fender bender that’s more like a fender bumper with some shit driver who is almost DEFINITELY high. and it’s all this guy’s fault but he won’t stop screaming about how he’s gonna fucking sue and odysseus just wants to go the fuck home and the guy goes “I’M FILING THE POLICE REPORT WHO ARE YOU” and odysseus is just so done that he says “nobody” and drives the fuck off and this completely tripping guy ends up screaming to the police at the side of the road at like three in the morning “NOBODY CRASHED INTO MY CAR!!!!!”
aww man i’m having super cute domestic life hades/persephone and cerberus feels now tho
like hades, lord of the underworld, gets this three-headed terror dog and names him “spot”
hades spends forever personally training cerberus, which mostly involves (unsuccessfully) teaching cerberus not to chase shades around and eat the innocent deads’ bones
half of hades’ stuff is just constantly covered in dog spit because 3 times the heads means 3 times the slobber, and at this point he’s stopped caring (or really noticing) and has on more than one occasion handed somebody something completely soaked in cerberus drool
hades is super nervous about introducing persephone to cerberus for the first time because, as mentioned above, he’s a three-headed terror dog, but at this point persephone isn’t phased by anything and she just immediately goes to rub cerberus’s belly and hades wants to cry a little
cerberus goes absolutely bonkers when persephone comes back down to the underworld for the winter, because dogs are dogs and he really did think that she was never going to come back ever again and he missed her so, so much
on a related note, hades especially hates the first few days after persephone leaves, because cerberus barks and whines nonstop for her
cerberus, like the good dog he is, always fetches the mail for hades. by which i mean that, if hermes ever comes to give hades a message, cerberus tears through the underworld after him and eventually spits him out right at hades’s feet
Zeus:
Don’t fight Zeus. You’ll only end up sleeping with him. On second thought, do fight Zeus.
Hera:
Look, I’m not saying anyone is really going to try to stop you, but I am saying she is petty as shit and will dedicate the rest of your life to destroying you in other ways. Your call.
Poseidon:
You could probably fight Poseidon. Dude is built like a brick shithouse but he’d think it was a good time and buy you a beer afterwards.
Demeter:
Are you fucking kidding? She created a new season the last time someone really pissed her off. Do not fucking fight Demeter.
Hades:
Fight Hades, but only in spring, and then ask to see pictures of his dog.
Hestia:
Are you Satan
Aphrodite:
Arguably the lowest reward to risk ratio on this list. What is even the point here. Might as well save us all some time and punch yourself in the groin.
Athena:
If you must, a sneak attack is required, and even then you’re still probably boned. Alternately, distract her first with statements such as “Mozart is an overrated hack” and “Garfield is not funny.”
Hephaestus:
You could beat Hephaestus. You could not beat Hephaestus’ robot army. Do not fight Hephaestus.
Ares:
Absolutely fight Ares. This is a no-brainer. Literally everyone wants you to kick Ares’ ass including Ares. You might feel bad when he starts crying but only if you are weak.
Artemis:
Do not fight Artemis. Do not talk to Artemis. Do not look at Artemis. Do not think about Artemis.
Apollo:
What did I just fucking say
Hermes:
You could beat him if you could catch him, but you can’t, and even if you did, he would convince you to talk it out instead, buy you a drink, and be gone before you noticed your wallet was missing. Avoid.
Dionysus:
Dionysus is an easy fight until he decides not to be. You could fight Dionysus but under no circumstances force him to give a shit.
Persephone:
Don’t fight Persephone. She will beat you up. Her mom will beat you up. Her husband will probably also be unpleasant and disapproving in some way. Listen to trash pop with Persephone instead.
Hebe:
Idk man, she bites.
Iris:
Yo have you ever tried to punch a rainbow?
Heracles:
Dude has seen some shit. You may think you’re bad enough but you really aren’t. There is literally no way this could end well for you. Do not fight Heracles.
vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft
During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.
raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death
during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.
The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people
King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.
Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.
Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes
At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.
When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.
Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.
During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.
The Roman Empire had a group of Holy Chickens. Fortune was good or bad depending on how well they ate.
The hero Perseus was so popular in ancient Greece that multiple cities tried to claim a relation to him. Mycenae did this by connecting its name to his myth. Because of this, the name is said to derive from the pommel (mukes) of his sword, which he dropped; the mushrooms (mukes, again) that he ate there and the bellow (mukema) Medusa’s sisters let forth when they finally gave up their pursuit (which obviously happened near the city).
Prayers to the gods in Ancient Greece were often first spoken, then tied to the right statue so they would not be forgotten. If a prayer was unanswered, it was acceptable to curse the god instead (and tie said curse to the statue as well).
It is unclear whether the Greeks actually sacrificed humans or just really liked writing about it.
Priests had little to no power in ancient Greece.
The goddess Hera, queen of the gods, was not only goddess of marriage, but also of divorce.
Aphrodite was goddess of love but also goddess of the Gentle Sea (as opposed to Poseidon who ruled the chaos of the sea).
Apollo was considered the most Greek of all the Gods but he’s originally from the East.
Artemis was the goddess of the wild, terrifying and dangerous, until Homerus turned her into a gentle virgin.
In the ancient Egyptian afterlife, they believed they had to pass certain levels to get to rest in peace. One of these involved being chased by a giant dung beetle
Margaret Thatcher was on the team that invented Mr Whippy ice-cream
In 1970 famous Japanese author/actor Yukio Mishima wanted to restore Japan’s empire by giving the emperor back his power. He and his extremist group, the Shield Society, took over the Tokyo JSDF headquarters and after a long speech, he attempted to commit seppuku, which meant taking a sword and slowly cutting your abdomen open from side to side and then slicing the body cavity vertically up the center. One of his followers was in charge of severing Yukio’s head if he wasn’t able to complete seppuku, which he wasn’t. But this soldier was like 19 and freaked out. He closed his eyes, took a swing at Yukio, and cut off part of his skull, Yukio still alive. He tried again but this time took a chunk out of Yukio’s shoulder/arm. Finally, some other person had to come up and cut off Yukio’s head to put him out of his misery.
historians wanted to figure out what had given the north the upper hand in this one key battle in the civil war.
they set up re-enactments, looked at pictures, read the stories, and came to the conclusion that the north had a fence to hide behind,
a literal FENCE turned the tide of the civil war.
(we thank the fences we do)
Potatoes are from Peru, and Europeans didn’t desire them. So Frederick the Great used reverse psychology to get potatoes to be popular in the Kingdom of Prussia. He had patatoes heavily gaurded. Thus, making people interested in them. Some people even started stealing them.
Peter the Great traded several of his tallest Russian soldiers for possession of the original Amber Room from a Prussian king, who liked the idea of surrounding himself with tall fighters.
There is a writer known as B. Tavern, for whom a lot isn’t well known about. It is believed that he did live in Mexico, where a lot of his novels are set in, including The Treasure of the Sierra Nevada.
The writer, Ambrose Bierce disappeared one day in 1914 in Mexico. No one is quite sure what happened to him.
There are small objects called Roman Dodecahedrons that have been excavated in many places from Wales to Italy, though most have been found in Germany and France. No one is quite sure what they have been used for, though some have been found with melted wax. Speculations have ranged between candlestick holders to survey instruments to religious artefacts.
There is no such thing as a brontasaurus. A group of archeologists coming to the end of their dig strung together what bones they did find and called it an whole skeleton so as not to have come up empty handed.
oh man wouldn’t it be GREAT if Hollywood gave Medusa the movie treatment and showed her as the tragic wronged hero she was? Just chillin’ out as a just a ordinary woman until Poseidon raped her in Athena’s temple and instead of being like “DUDE UNCLE NO WTF ARE YOU DOING?!” and smiting him, Athena punished the victim and turned her into a monster with snakes for hair…only wait Athena isn’t an idiot and how could she even punish the god of the sea? But she could give Medusa the power to make sure no man ever laid a goddamn finger on her again. Until Perseus traipsed in and fucked it all up. Way to go idiot. I bet if you’d just asked nicely she might have turned shit to stone for you.
Okay I am seeing this type of commentary frequently, and I have to say something about this because it has been bothering me.
In the original myth, the rape/transformation of Medusa never happened. This was added in by the Romans— Ovid, specifically, who changed the myth in his Metamorphoses that was written in 8 CE. The entire theme of these tales was the transformation of mostly women who were perused by the gods in some form or another (some men were also transformed throughout the series, such as Hyacinth.) Prior to this, during Archaic Greek times and Classical antiquity, Medusa was never a beautiful maid who was transformed by Athena (and I am gonna get into the whole situation with Athena being a feminist figure in a second.) She was a gorgon born from two underworld monsters, Ceto and Phorcys. This story is outlined in Hesiod’s Theogony which is sort of the accepted canon of Greek creation myths. It was in the 5th century that she was shown by artists to be beautiful but still a monster, and it wasn’t until Ovid showed up that she was the human maid who was raped by Poseidon. Also, many Greeks and Romans read Ovid’s version of the tale as Athena being outraged at Medusa for having been raped in her temple— it was a punishment, not some mercy shown to her.
Because guess what— Athena was a grade-A asshole just like her father, who often sided with men rather than women. In fact, she saw herself as a man and not as a woman. Physically, yes she was a woman, but mentally, because she came from Zeus’ head and was not born of any woman, she considered herself male in all respects. Therefore, her intelligence and strength was indicative of her masculine side. This is all explained in Aeschylus’ Oresteia, in which Athena as a judge, ends up siding with Orestes when it came to the murder of his mother, Clytemnestra. She stated she sympathized with Orestes because he was a man, and she would ‘defer to all things’ as her father would. Athena was never seen by the Greeks (and to some extent the Romans) as a strong female figure. She was a man in thought and in action, female only in her figure.
So the original story of Medusa was that she was a monster— born of monsters and resided on earth to be defeated by a Greek demigod who goes by the name Perseus. Had Athena really been ‘protecting’ Medusa, she’d not have given Perseus a mirrored shield, and she wouldn’t have placed Medusa’s head on her shield after Perseus cut it off. The Greeks and Romans did not see her as a person in which to empathize with. I’m all fine and good with people in literature classes reading this myth through a feminist lens, but I see a lot of these posts on Medusa that come off as historical. Only trouble is, they see things through this modern view when you need to look at it through the perspective of the ancients— from the view of those who wrote it and who their intended audience was. And I think both sides of the myth should be told; the original and the changes Ovid made. Don’t just explain one side of the story. There were multiple sides and changes and adaptations, and they should both be discussed and examined.
I’m such a mythology nerd read this and enlighten yourself
damn everyone was just schooled A+ STUNNING BREAKDOWN OF THE CAUTIONS OF READING AGAINST THE GRAIN
Wow I had never even heard of the changed version of the tale of medusa with her being a raped woman and all. I only ever knew the myth of her being a gorgon etc.
I have a craving for Greek mythology all of a sudden.
If I ever have any sort of question about history stuff, I always know I can go to renlyslittlerose :’D
