I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE LIFESAVER MINTS HAVE A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE IF IT GETS CAUGHT IN YOUR THROAT YOU CAN STILL BREATHE.
that feature sounds like a real life saver
i hate everyone
(Source: theleagueofasses, via littlestartopaz)
it’s a robot
breaking news: robot’s lack of genitals scares the cis
Only the cis deal in absolutes.
Excuse me while I try not to BREAK A FUCKING RIB from laughing.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
what does a skeleton call his closest homie
his vertebruh
Is that because homies always have each others backs
you
I like you
(Source: squigglydigglydoo, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they can’t get that high.How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, she holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. An alto to actually do it and a soprano to stand by and ask “isn’t that a little high for you?”
u wanna fucking go
here for this fight
How do you know a soprano is at your door?
She can’t find the key and doesn’t know where to come in
OOOOOOOO
:O
What do sopranos and pirates have in common?
They both murder on the high seas
(via yea-lets-do-this-shit)
-apollo, the titan’s curse
laughing bc i distinctly remember this one myth where apollo fell in love with this one girl but she didnt return his affections and turned into a tree instead 😂 (teashoesandhair maybe correct me if i’m wrong?)
You are so right!! That would be Daphne - a nymph who Apollo saw and he was all “damn, I’m going to climb you like a tree” and Daphne was like “what a great idea, I’m going to make like a tree and leave” and she asked her dad Peneus to turn her into a laurel tree, because she just wasn’t ready to settle down and put down roots with Apollo and she wanted to branch out
I’m in awe of how many awful puns you fit in to that reply.
Excuse me they were all absolutely incredible puns so if you’re looking for bad puns here then you’re barking up the wrong tree
oh my god
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
I feel like I have been waiting for this my entire life
I just fell out of my chair.
(Source: perksofbeinga-whovian, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
What I look for in a girl:
- Water, 35 litres
- Carbon, 20 kilograms
- Ammonia, 4 litres
- Lime, 1.5 kilograms
- Phosphorus, 800 grams
- Salt, 250 grams
- Saltpeter, 100 grams
- Sulfur, 80 grams
- Fluorine, 7.5 grams
- Iron, 5 grams
- Silicon, 3 grams
- Trace amounts of 15 other elements
I dunno, I still think your standards are too high.
A woman like that is gonna cost you an arm and a leg.
(Source: vasuki-blog, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
imagine an ace/aro demigod girl wanting to be one of the hunters of artemis
artemis would give the whole warning about how “you have to swear off dating” and the girl is just like “oh no what a nightmare” all sarcastically.
and artemis just smiles like “oh, this one. i like this one.”
an aro/ace arrow ace
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
