I would honestly prefer reading about the stupid paranormal romance where the weird non-human boyfriend can’t work out the DVD player over Brooding Manipulative and Controlling asshole trope
[screaming at the DVD player] IM 800 YEARS OLD CUT ME SOME SLACK
“Unless you know how to work a 15th-century printing press you can stop laughing and show me how to Twitter again.”
okay so i’ve seen at least one Daredevil/Elementary fic where claire patches up sherlock but like where’s the fic where joan patches up matt
pre-weird little devil horns, of course, when he was just a dude all in black who sometimes bit off more than he could chew
like maybe he’s stumbling around half dead near the brownstone when joan runs across him, her phone already out to call 911 or captain gregson or both at the same time judging from this fucker’s getup, and he does his usual *clearly dying of a stab wound voice* No Don’t Take Me To A Hospital I Am Paranoid And Illegal routine, just call claire or drive me to this address if you wanna help
and joan’s like what the fuck no i don’t run a nyc corpse delivery service and that’s what you’ll definitely be if i try to truck you all the way to hell’s kitchen, fuck, get inside
If the fashion industry thrives on newness and novelty then they are failing themselves.
If you want a ‘new twist on a classic style’ I’ve got one for you.
Make a pencil skirt for someone who is 5ft 3.
Make a white shirt that will button over my breasts.
Make a shift dress that doesn’t get ‘nipped in at the waist’.
Make a pair of shoes that won’t aggravate my ankle injury.
Make a ‘nude-coloured’ dress that is dark brown.
Make your plus-sized jeans in actual denim, not some shitty stretch fabric dyed blue.
You want a fresh take on the classics?
Try making your clothes for someone who isn’t six foot tall and a size 6.
For once.
Please.
oh and also make fucking steel-toed boots under the size mens 8 1/2
Make some form-fitting shirts that are thick enough to stop our bras from showing through.
Make sensitive skin-friendly buttons and clasps so we don’t have worry about the metal making us break out in contact dermatitis (that’s a localized rash that can easily become an infection, for the uninformed).
Make a long dress that is easy to go to the bathroom in.
Make a pair of jeans that actually fit in the crotch area instead of putting us at risk of a yeast infection (No “V”).
Make more dress shoes that aren’t heels.
Put more pockets in women’s clothes.
CREATE A FUCKING UNIVERSAL SIZING SYSTEM THAT MAKES SENSE.
Amen to all.
NO MORE FAKE POCKETS
Make “petite jeans” be petite in length, NOT give it a slimmer waist.
BOLDED FOR EMPHASIS
MAKE HIGH WAISTED SHORTS THAT COVER MY ASS.
Make denim shorts that aren’t the same length as my underwear
Make skinny jeans for women with long legs, wide hips and thin calves
But what about vampire history teachers. Vampires who read something from a text book then proceed to light the book on fire and throw it out the window because “No. that’s not even close to what really happened. Listen up nerds I’m about to teach you what really happened in France during the revolution”
Why ask for a film when we can demand a whole series?
omg, but what if, what if this was done, like, The Story of Clint Barton: As Told by Kate Bishop. I think that would be HILARIOUS.
Can we? CAN WE PLEASE?
EXT. MANHATTAN - DAY
Devastation. POLICE and CITIZENS milling amongst the wreckage of the street. Lying on top of a car, clearly having fallen from a great height, a MAN, eyes closed, possibly dead.
CLINT (VO) [big intake of breath] Okay. This looks bad.
And we go into REWIND. The MAN flies upwards, flailing wildly, a bow rising up into his hand, finally crashing back through a reassembling window about SIXTY STORIES UP. PAUSE on the fist of an AIM AGENT just inches from his face.
CLINT (VO) (CONT) You cowboy around with the Avengers some.
BACK IN REAL TIME, the fist hits him square in the jaw. As he turns back to smack the agent with his BOW, we get our first proper look at him - HAWKEYE himself, CLINT BARTON. Blonde, muscular, probably already somewhat battered; big heart and no common sense.
CLINT is holding his own against the AIM AGENTS, in a fight that seems to be mostly punching.
CLINT (VO) (CONT) I know I said magic. It was emphatic.
It’s gonna give you a bit of a complex. These guys are superheroes. I’m a carnie with a bit of stick and string from the Paleolithic era.
A huge BLAST OF ENERGY smacks CLINT straight in the chest and he flies backwards, shattering the window, and plummeting. Flailing wildly.
CLINT (VO) (CONT) So when I tell you ‘this looks bad’?
CLINT slams into the ground, hitting the roof of the car, unconscious.
CLINT (VO) (CONT) I promise you it feels worse.
KATE (VO) Hold up. Hooooooold up.
Freeze.
That is not what you told me, bossman.
CLINT (VO) Katie, would you please -
KATE (VO) Why is it that whenever it’s time to tell the story to other people you’re suddenly cool and badass and oooh-emphatic? Why is it just me who gets to hear about your incredible screwups?
CLINT (VO) I didn’t screw up.
KATE (VO) You fell off the roof from like two feet up.
REWIND AGAIN - Clint flies upwards once more, wildly flailing until the AIM AGENT has a fist at his face, but now we’re on top of a THREE STORY BUILDING in DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN.
KATE (VO) And it wasn’t fifty bad guys, it was fifteen.
AIM AGENTS disappear, leaving only a handful.
KATE (VO.) And I’m pretty sure Spider-Man was there.
SPIDER-MAN appears in the background.
CLINT (VO) He was not.
KATE (VO) He was.
CLINT (VO) I don’t need a kid to -
KATE (VO) It was all over Twitter, Hawkdude, just get over it. The AIM dude punched you in the face -
Which is exactly what happens as we come back to REAL TIME.
- and you fell over and landed on Spidey and he knocked you over and you fell off the roof of a hipster deli.
And CLINT trips over SPIDER-MAN in the middle of the battle and plummets from the rooftop -
CLINT [yelling] Oh, SHI-
- to land on the now familiar car below, thankfully unconscious once more. POLICE cars pull up around him as the battle draws to a close.
The camera pulls up, over the BROOKLYN skyline of brownstones and docks and MANHATTAN in the distance, and we see our title:
HAWKEYE
and as if it has been drawn on by pen, suddenly someone adds in:
HAWKEYE(s)
CLINT (VO) I don’t remember asking for your input, Hawkeye.
KATE (VO) [cheerfully] You’re welcome, Hawkeye.
OPENING CREDITS
OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS LOOKIT LOOK LOOKIIIIIITTTTT OH MY GOD I AM DEAD THIS this thiiiiiiiiiiisssss
NOPING OUTTA HERE BEFORE I LOSE THE PLOT COMPLETELY
I would totally watch this and it would be a prefect Marvel feel
Ladies, gentlemen, and nobility of other genders, may I present to you the literal perfect casting choice for Li Shang in Mulan: Yoshua “Yoshi” Sudarso.
Some fun facts about Yoshi:
Was born in Indonesia, but is ethnically Chinese
26 years old (b. April 12, 1989)
Worked as a stunt double on the Maze Runner
Also worked as a model for several years
Has martial arts training
Currently starring as Koda on Power Rangers Dino Charge
Is a massive nerd and fan of Disney (Big Hero 6 especially), Free!, Spider-Man, and Power Rangers
Said in response to fancastings: “I’ll make a man, out of you! Waking up to all your fancastings and kind words really made my day. Of course it would be amazing to portray such a strong Male Asian lead, but I would be humbled to at least score an audition for Li Shang. So thank you for spreading the word and giving me such amazing exposure, maybe Disney will take notice, I love you all! And remember you must be swift as the coursing river!”
If none of that convinces you, then maybe this picture will:
women’s shelters specifically for mutant women because regular women’s shelters will turn away mutants. black mutant student organizations. bumper stickers that say “jesus was a mutant.” kids stenciling t-shirts with “magneto was right,” “jean grey died for your sins,” “mutie freak,” queer mutants making jokes about being superior homos. the creation of mutant cultural events and rites of passage such as naming parties for kids just coming into mutant identities, particularly those who have been kicked out of human families. kids going by mutant names on tumblr and arguing about the difference in experience between visible and invisible mutations. mutant punk rock. mutant zines.
tell me all the gritty plots and auteur ideas you want, but we all know the perfect movie would still be a remake of grease starring kristen stewart as danny zuko and taylor swift as sandy
i want jewish wizards fighting against the nazis and branding them with swastikas, taking revenge for the slaughter of the six million and fighting in the resistance. i want rabbi wizards in their shetls, making the menorah glow in the dark, even when things were so terrible that…
