While sailing in the Mediterranean sea, in 1962, the American aircraft carrier USS Independence (CV-62) flashed the Italian Amerigo Vespucci with light signal asking «Who are you?», the full rigged ship answered «Training ship Amerigo Vespucci, Italian Navy». The US ship replied «You are the most beautiful ship in the world».
Great, now I ship actual ships.
You are the most beautiful ship in the world.
Dear god, I’m in love with two ships in love. (Everything is wonderful and nothing hurts.)
I just want this to be true. I haven’t checked sources. Just too wonderful of an idea. @editorincreeps you can appreciate this love story.
The story is fantastic, I do not need it to be true.
@tinyadventureclub Last week I pulled off the most mundane prank possible in my office and all my colleagues have been talking about it for days.
We “clock in” by moving these tiny magnetic dots from the “out” square to the “in” square on a magnetic board. Everyone has their own black dot next to their name. For the last several months, someone has consistently been moving Grumpy Dan’s dot to various corners of the board. This outrages Grumpy Dan, and we enjoy watching his rants.
Well, the Dot Bandit hadn’t acted for several weeks, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and move Grumpy Dan’s dot on my own. Sure enough, Grumpy Dan comes in an hour later and starts yelling–only this time, he thinks he’s found the culprit. “Gerry! Freaking Gerry keeps moving my dot! How dare he!”
And so Dan moves Gerry’s dot.
Gerry comes in five minutes later. “NIIIIIIICK, DON’T MOVE MY DOT!” Gerry moves Nick’s dot.
Nick comes in two minutes later. “Jack just loves to mess with me, doesn’t he?” Nick takes Jack’s dot and puts it on the sink in the men’s bathroom (because Nick likes to take things to the next level.)
It’s already going well. Then I want to step it up a notch.
I have this pack of emoji stickers with me (because you should carry stickers with you at all times.) I put a smiley face on Grumpy Dan’s dot and wait for him to come back through.
Grumpy Dan returns. For the first time in my six months of working here, I see him smile. “Who did this?” He’s grinning. “This is…so nice.”
Jack comes in. “Oh look, Dan got a sticker! How cool!” When Jack leaves, I put a sticker on his. Every time someone notices the stickers out loud, I put one on their dot when they walk away, until everyone has one. Mostly animals. Everyone’s chattering–“I got a caterpillar!” “Why did he get a grizzly bear and I got a dolphin? What does that mean?” “Awww, a ladybug! How cute!”
My boss loves it. He thinks we should change the stickers seasonally. He wants to mix it up by doing shamrocks at Christmas and Easter bunnies on the 4th of July.
Everyone still smiles when they come in and look at the board.
I’m still pretty proud of myself for managing to make an entire local government office talk to each other and laugh about something so mundane.
And that’s my tiny adventure! Can I get a merit badge? :)
okay so i think i’ve told you guys this before but my coworker is a lesbian ex nun and for some reason i never asked how she met her wife but today is one of my last days so i asked her and holy shit you guys it’s like a fanfic they met in the convent and decided to escape together im screaming
okay sorry for the wait we were gushing about our fun home tickets like gay nerds but okay so they were ROOMMATES IN THE CONVENT!! what kind of fanfic shit… but anyway so it’s like a dorm room and a curtain is down the middle that separates the roommates from each other. and also i guess in the convent once you’re in your room you’re not allowed to talk? so they would pass each other notes under the curtain and like when lights-out happened at night and the head nun lady went to bed they would sit at the curtain with a spiral notebook and have conversations by just passing the notebook back and forth. so they did this for a few months but they were miserable in the convent and decided that enough is enough so they ran away together and my coworker’s now-wife like left first and then my coworker waited a day and snuck out and they met up at the closest gas station and then a month later they moved in together and they’ve been together ever since like 22 years and honestly if there is a better example of ‘it gets better’ idk what it is
It’s the sixth grade. Somehow, I had come across a catalogue for the store they bought all the school store crap from. You know, the smelly erasers and dumb keychains that they sell for like a buck apiece. So I somehow got this catalogue, and little old entrepreneur me was like “I should buy something from this and sell it at school for an absurdly high price to gain basically pure profit.” As sixth graders do. So I bought two huge tubs full of these keychains called Jellybears. This is what they look like.
So I bought a metric fuckton of these assholes for about 20 cents a piece. I start selling them at school for a buck fifty. Like I said, pure profit. 6th grade me was brilliant. I broke even in like eight seconds of me whippin these bad boys out at school. Saying these are were a hit is an understatement. They were like a home run triple, or some other sports metaphor. People are buying this shit at lunch time, between classes. Shit, one girl even admitted to selling the ones she bought off me around her neighborhood for like five bucks. I was happy to be the middleman, but I digress. The point is, not only did I gain entrepreneurial skills, I also made a pretty penny. However, a month into my brilliant business, I get a call down to the office.
I had never been called to the office before. I was such a goody two-shoes you wouldn’t believe. This was in a school that boasted like two fights per week. The ratio of cops and administrators to students was like 1:3. And there were 1700 people at this school. That’s a whole lot of authority figures for a whole lot of miscreants and ne’er-do-wells. And here I was, reading large pretentious books and wearing polo shirts, with a gigantic backpack and in an advanced math class. I was, and still am, a lame weeny. Just wanted to put that in perspective.
Anyway, I was called down to the office that day. Literally shaking in the huge chair they had for me, facing down the terrifying vice-principal, she pulled out a Jellybear.
It was the DIVA one, if I’m not mistaken. I was then given a good lecture about how I’m not allowed to sell things on campus without explicit permission, yadda yadda, the whole spiel. Except I felt there was something fishy about the whole thing. Maybe it was how she held the Jellybear in her hand, perhaps it was the way she confiscated the rest of them.
After asking around with the intense gossip network of middle school, I discovered the real reason the administration confiscated the Jellybears.
They had reason to suspect I was filling them with vodka.
They had reason to suspect that I, the tiny, stupid haired, braces-clad sixth grader who played a tuba bigger than she was was the head of a sophisticated alcohol distributing cartel in which I punctured and drained the goop from cute keychains, refilled them with straight vodka with a syringe, sealed them off with no trace, and sold them around school.
I’m not sure if I’m flattered that they assumed me capable of that sort of espionage, or insulted that they thought me dumb enough to sell middle schoolers straight vodka for A BUCK FIFTY.
really who did they think i was i was in advanced math for petes sake.
I just drove my uncle and myself to the hardware store, and he said to me “Molly, I want you to know that being Catholic doesn’t change anything. If you someday get married, your wife will be welcome in this family. Don’t ever think otherwise.”
That is really nice, but I am not gay???
I’M LAUGHING SO HARD. SPOILER ALERT 2012 ME; YOU’RE SUPER FRICKING GAY.
And he not making none of that out the jar shit, HE HAS TOMATOES AND ONIONS AND HES ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE THE SPAGHETTI SAUCE FROM SCRATCH.
AND HE ASKED IF HE COULD BRING HIS FRIEND AND HIS FRIEND JUST CAME IN AND HE IS FROM FRANCE AND HIS ACCENT 😩 PLS LORD HELP ME IM JUST TRYING TO STUDY. I GOT FINALS TOMORROW. WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?
HE CUTTING ONIONS LIFTING UP HIS SHIRT AND HIS ABS LIKE OMFG😩 THE DEVIL IS WORKING TONIGHT.
YALLLLLLLLL. HE IS SO FINE. I JUST GOT A LESSON IN HOW TO MAKE MEATBALLS. HE JUST TOUCHING MY HAND AND SHIT LIKE THIS ISN’T REAL LIFE.
AND I GO SIT DOWN HE TURN AROUND LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO BE MY LITTLE TASTE TESTER RIGHT? LIKE YAASSSSSSSSSSSS. WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO TASTE I WILL TASTE.
SO HE LIKE OKAY COME TASTE THE SAUCE SO I COME OVER TO THE POT AND I HOLD OUT MY HAND AND HES LIKE NAH YOU GOTTA LICK THE SPOON LIKE ..AND HE DEMONSTRATES LIKE NIGGA YOU NOT SLICK YOU JUST TRYING TO SHOW WHAT THAT MOUTH DO. SO I LICK THE SPOON AND THIS SHIT IS GOOD AS FUCKKK. LIKE Y'ALL THIS THE BEST SAUCE I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. MY TASTE BUDS WERE JUST SINGING. LIKE OMG. SO IM TRYING TO COLLECT MYSELF AFTER THIS GOOD ASS SAUCE AND HE TALKING ABOUT WE JUST HAD BORDERLINE SEX. BORDERLINE?? MY NIGGA JUST THROW ME ON THE COUNTER AND LETS GOOOOO.
so he make me a plate AND THIS SHIT IS GOOD AS FUCK LIKE OMG. THIS SHIT TASTE LIKE HEAVEN ON A PLATE. SO ANYWAY WE JUST CHILLING ON THE COUCH CHOPPING IT UP AND HE TOUCHES MY KNEE. Y'ALL MY SOUL JUST LEFT MY BODY AND IS LOOKING DOWN AT ME LIKE 👀. THIS NIGGAS HAND ARE SOFT AS FUCK LIKE WHAT DO HE BE USING ON HIS HANDS? I AINT NEVER FELT ANYTHING SO SOFT. GOD WHY DID YOU BLESS HIM WITH THESE SOFTER THAN A BABYS ASS HANDS? YOU KNOW I HAVE TO STUDY, YOU KNOW I GOT FINALS TOMORROW. YOU KNOW.
So we just talking and shit and then all of a sudden we kissing. YALL I AINT NEVER BEEN KISSED LIKE THIS BEFORE. EVER IN MY WHOLE ASS LIFE. HIS LIPS WERE SOFT AS SHIT AND HE KISSING ME ALL EXTRA SLOW AND ANY SOUL I HAD LEFT IS GONE. ITS LEFT MY BODY AND IS CACKLING IN THE CORNER WITH THE DEVIL. SO WE KISSING AND HE MOVES HIS HAND UP MY THIGH AND MY HEART START RACING FAST AF. IM LIKE OH SHIT ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. OUTTA NOWHERE HE STOP KISSING ME AND HE SAY SOMETHING BUT IM GONE AS FUCK. THIS NIGGA WAS DEAD ASS TALKING AND I DIDNT HEAR A WORD HE SAID,MY BRAIN WAS IN A PUDDLE IN MY PANTIES.
So I’m trying to recollect myself and I’m like what? and he say something about my roommate. So I’m like nah she said she not coming back until 12 so you’re good daddy 😉 AS SOON AS I SAY THAT MY DOOR OPEN AND IN HER COCKBLOCKING ASS COMES. I WAS SICK. IM JUST LOOKING AT HER LIKE BITCH!! YOU STILL GOT 2 HOURS 22 MINUTES AND 8 SECONDS BEFORE YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME.. WHAT YOU DOIN? SO IM SENDING HER SPIDEY SIGNALS AND SHIT LIKE BITCH BE GONE AND WHAT DOES SHE DO? SHE SITS HER HAPPY ASS DOWN ON THE COUCH NEXT TO ME TALKING ABOUT “WHAT ARE Y'ALL UP TO?” BITCHHHHH WHAT DO YOU THINK? IM TRYING TO GET SOME ITALIAN SAUSAGE.
Eventually he started getting ready to go and I went to help him pack up his things. So my roommate go to the bathroom and he speaking shit in Italian. My soul is gone, my panties are destroyed and idk what else this man wants from me. So I ask him what he said and he talking about WE ARE NOT DONE ILL BE OVER EVERY SATURDAY TO COOK FOR YOU IS THAT COOL? COOL? MY NIGGA THATS ICE FUCKING COLD WORD TO OUTKAST. SO I ASCENDED TO HEAVEN TO HAVE A ONE ON ONE WITH GOD LIKE WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?? IF THIS IS A TEST GOD IM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW I WILL FAIL REPEATEDLY SO PLS DONT TEST ME. MY ROOMMATE COMES BACK OUT AND HE LEAVES AND I TURN AROUND TO SMACK THIS GIRL AND SHE HAS THE NERVE TO SAY DID YOU NOTICE HE HAD A HARD ON THE WHOLE TIME. BITCHHHHH! I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO NOTICE SHIT IF YOU HADNT CAME IN. I WOULDVE FELT THAT SHIT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. and that’s the story on how I murdered my roommate so when I go to jail i'ma need y'all to come bail me out.
alright,I know what y’all wanna hear: He came back over the next day and slanging that sausage left and right. I haven’t been on tumblr bc I been too busy getting sausaged down but NO BITCH, Y’ALL KNOW WHAT I BEEN DOING?? STUDYING. YES, STUDYING. I GOT MOTHERFUCKING FINALS.
THERE’S A GUY SCALING THE TRUMP TOWER IN NYC WITH GIANT SUCTION CUPS LIKE A MISSION IMPOSSIBLE STUNT AND IM LAUGHING
UPDATE: OKAY SO police are all over and they
sent a window washer platform down from the top of the building but it was too
far above him so then sent it back up and police just shattered a window
slightly above him to try to get him and now he’s moving away from the hole in
the window and continuing up he’s been climbing for like an hour now and they
cant figure out how to get him down this is so incredible
UPDATE: LOOK AT HIM GO
UPDATE: they just inflated a giant inflatable on 56th street a third of nyc is in gridlock bc of this guy climbing the trump tower i cannOT BELIEVE
UPDATE: he’s on the 18th floor this so surreal
UPDATE: we’re approaching hour 2 of the climb and since the last update he’s made it up at least another 3 floors
UPDATE: SOMEONE TOOK A PICTURE OF HIM FROM INSIDE THE TOWER
A HERO
update: apparently his name is steve and he’s from virginia
ASCEND, STEVE
UPDATE: they just used suction cups to pull two panes of glass into the building a few floors above him
you know what they always say. you cant fight fire with fire, but you should always fight suction cups with suction cups
UPDATE: HE’S TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THEM STILL IM CRYING WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK IS 2016????
…seriously, can some American please explain to me please?
