So, this happened months ago but I think it’s still a worthy tale.
I was going to a conference this summer that I knew a bunch of my friends from all over the country who are also Fury Road fans would all be at. It’s not a film-related conference, but we kept half-joking that we should organize a MMFR screening because so many of us liked the movie. Except it was one of those situations where everybody was saying “yeah, we should do that,” with nobody doing it, so I was like Okay mofos, you all are talking about it but I will actually do it.
Because of the location of the conference and the fact that it was a number of weeks after Fury Road had come out, it was determined that going out to a movie theater was not practical. But most of us were staying in the conference hotel, and it turned out someone who was a fan who lived in the host city of the conference had a projector, and someone else had speakers, and someone else who maybe had learned how to schmorrent exclusively for this purpose got a copy of the movie. And then it turned out that all of the people I’d be sharing my hotel room with weren’t getting in until the second night of the conference, which meant that on the first night I’d have a hotel room all to myself, and that just seemed like fate. So I Facebook messaged maybe a dozen people who I knew were fans to say that we were all watching MMFR in my hotel room that night after the last event of the conference, and I expected maybe half of them to show up.
Except…somehow the word spread and people kept asking me about it. And of course I was like, yeah, invite anyone you want, cause it’s not like I was going to tell people to not watch Fury Road. Except, clearly I now had an obligation to deliver.
So another superfan and I spent the dinner break figuring out the best angle to project from and painstakingly taping a hotel bedsheet to the ceiling of the room to use as a screen, and then worrying that it would fall down because it was a much nicer sheet than any I own and therefore heavy. (It stayed up.) And it turned out that another fan solved the problem with the projector I couldn’t figure out, and the person who was doing the conference A/V for us had a cable we were missing, and I found a workaround for the speakers initially not hooking up to the projector.
And then people started showing up and they…kept showing up. People were sitting on the beds and on the chair and on the floor and on each other’s laps, and at one point there were at least two people sitting on a bench in the corner watching the movie through the opposite side of the sheet from everybody else. And in case you’re wondering how many people you can cram into a hotel room to watch a movie on a sheet, the answer is somewhere between 22 and 25, and the reason I don’t know the exact number is that some people showed up after we started the movie and it was dark, and some of them were friends of friends so I still don’t know who they were.
And among the audience were people who had seen the movie multiple times in the theater like me, and people who were watching it for the very first time, and while I would not say that a hotel bedsheet is the ideal virgin viewing experience for MMFR, if that’s how I got you to watch the movie, then so be it. And people who had seen the movie cheered at the Doof Warrior reveal, and everybody cheered when Max handed Furiosa the rifle, and it was generally awesome. And I am still meeting people I don’t know who were like “Oh yeah, I was at that screening! Thanks for organizing that!”
The next morning the rest of my roommates showed up before housekeeping had made the rounds and were like, “…What happened in our room last night?”
my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
motherfucking australia
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
wait.
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.
My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
what the actual fuck australia
I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.
Nope.
Went there.
Parrots tried to take our car.
Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.
Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.
There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started.
I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool.
Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots.
I have a story to relay for you, Tumblr. About life, about perseverance, about sticking it to the man, and about super cool secret passageways.
In the late 70s/early 80s, Illinois State built a brand new dorm building where the rooms all had two closets, one on each side wall. But because they built the dorm on the cheap, the backs of the closets didn’t have real walls, only thin pieces of pressboard. That was all that was separated one dorm room from the next.
Once students figured this out, they cut big holes in the pressboard so that you could get to the adjoining dorm room by opening the closet door and scooting through the hole in the back wall.
They did this in room after room, until they had effectively built a huge secret passageway connecting every single dorm room on the floor.
The creation of this secret passageway led, almost immediately, to a culture of endless, enormous, authority-proof dorm parties. As soon as anybody knocked on the door or the party room, everybody could bail through the closets and be seven doors down the hall by the time the R.A. or campus security were let in. Or they would keep all the alcohol and what-not in one room, and have all the people in the next. So even when the R.A.s KNEW there was a ginormous party happening, they couldn’t do jack shit about it. It was total non-stop chaos.
Some of the bigger hooligans would commit all manner of mischief on campus, and then high-tail to this dorm building, knowing that once they were safely inside any room, there was no way the cops could ever find them.
Every summer, the school would replace the ripped out pressboard with sturdier and sturdier material. But students just got stronger saws, and kept rebuilding the secret passageways, year after year.
Eventually, only a few years after they built it, the school gave up and tore the whole building down.
A 19-year-old reddit user sought the advice of his fellow redditors after a spontaneous gay hookup with his best friend last month.
“I had a gay experience with my friend I thought we were both straight,” he writes. “Feeling confused and don’t know where to go from here.”
The teen shared his experience in full detail hoping to get some guidance from users of reddit’s relationship forum. He writes:
Some background for the situation: I’ve known my friend Danny, the friend in question, since we were 14. We were part of a group of four guys and we all got along really well. Him and his best friend and me and my best friend would all hang out together all the time after school and on weekends, play video games together and go on adventures, you know, just teenager stuff. Anyway, at the end of high school we all went to different colleges across the country for different reasons. Danny and I both came back to our hometown for the summer, but my best friend and his best friend both stayed at their schools to work and take summer classes and such.
I’ve been hanging out with Danny pretty much every day since we got back. My parents repurposed my bedroom to a workout room almost as soon as I moved into the dorms so I live in my basement and usually he’ll come over and we’ll play games or watch tv or listen to music, and then he’ll crash on the couch, go home in the morning and then come back over in the afternoon, rinse and repeat.
Last night we were watching some shitty movie, or really more like just talking with the movie on in the background and there was a sex scene. I asked him if he managed to get laid at all at college, and he said no. I admitted that I hadn’t either. We started to talk about sex a little. I could feel myself getting excited but I didn’t really understand why. The conversation kept up to the point where I said something along the lines of “I would really love to know what it feels like to have somebody suck my cock.” He said “what if…” and then blushed. One thing led to another and next thing I know he’s blowing me. I felt weird and conflicted about it but it was so good. It was like my mind switched gears in the middle of it and all of a sudden I was so turned on by him. When he finished me I asked him to let me return the favor. Afterwards we kissed, and then he awkwardly said that he should leave and went home.
As soon as he left my mind went into overdrive. A lot of things clicked into place in my mind but I’m still confused about a lot of things. I don’t look at porn often but when I do it’s usually women, but I’ve never met a woman irl that I was actually attracted to. I thought it was because I have high standards, but what if it’s because I’m not into women? I can’t make sense of it. I was super horny this morning, I’ve jerked off three times already today and I tried to think about women and look at straight porn but my mind kept drifting back to Danny’s body, Danny’s dick, Danny with his mouth around me. It’s crazy because I’ve never once felt attraction to a man before, never noticed guys in a sexual way at all, but now all I can think about is him.
I’m really worried that this will fuck up our friendship. I don’t regret what we did, but what if he does? What if he’s been scoping me out this whole time, waiting for his chance to pounce? I don’t know how I would feel about that. Also if he decides he doesn’t want to be around me anymore, I’m going to be alone for the rest of the summer. None of my other friends are in town. And then what happens if we do decide to get together, become a couple. What happens when we go back to school? What do we tell our other friends? Hell, what would I tell my parents?
I texted him earlier, just a simple “Hey” and I haven’t gotten anything back yet. I’m kind of losing my mind waiting on an answer. I would really love advice regarding what to say to him when I talk to him next. I want to continue to explore my relationship with him, but I don’t want to scare him off by coming on too strong. I need to feel out his thoughts first.
Does anybody else that’s been in a situation like this have any advice to offer? What should I say to him? How can I salvage our friendship if it turns out that he doesn’t feel the same way as me? I’m looking for any general advice regarding sexuality and figuring yourself out as well.
tl;dr: Thought I was straight, ended up engaging in mutual oral sex with a friend that I also thought was straight. I want to figure out my sexuality and continue to explore this new territory with my friend, but stay friends with him if he’s not interested. How do I approach the topic so as to not scare him off? And how do I figure out if I’m bi or gay, just for my own personal peace?
EDIT: He just texted me back and asked if he could come over. I said yes. Wish me luck!
A few days later, he provided this update:
I’m getting a lot of update requests, and Danny just headed home so I figured I’d go ahead and post. I have exciting stuff to tell you guys! First I wanted to say thanks to everybody who commented, you all really helped me calm down and stop overthinking everything. I appreciate it a lot.
When Danny showed up we were both really nervous and awkward at first. I was really scared to say anything, but I broke the tension by telling him how much I had enjoyed the night before. He broke out into a huge grin and turned bright red, lit up like a christmas tree. He told me he was so relieved, and that he had been obsessing over it all night worried for the same reasons I had been.
I told him that it was my first sexual experience ever and that I was questioning my sexuality now. He told me that he had been questioning his sexuality for a while, and that he had feelings for men before, but had mostly seen me as just a friend until last night, when he realized that I was kind of sort of coming onto him in a really roundabout way. It’s funny, I didn’t really think of myself as coming onto him but I definitely made that statement hoping something would come of it…
Anyway I told him that first and foremost I valued our friendship and wanted to stay friends whatever happened between us. He agreed strongly. He asked me if I was okay with working out our feelings together (read: having sex until we figure out how we feel) and I told him yes. After all this heavy conversation we decided to play some CS:GO together like we usually do but we ended up in bed together instead. Afterwards we talked some more and discussed the possibility of a relationship. He said he feels like we know each other well enough that he wouldn’t feel like we were rushing in, and I agreed with him. He asked me to be his boyfriend, and I said yes! I’m so happy about it, too! I’ve never felt so attracted to anyone before.
We haven’t told anyone yet, but decided not to go out of our way to keep it a secret. The area we live in is reasonably tolerant and neither of our parents are anti-gay, which I am grateful for. I am worried about telling my sister, who has recently become a born-again christian and had a lot of horrible things to say about the supreme court ruling on FB. I’m also a little concerned about telling our other two friends, but I think after the initial shock wears off, they’ll come around.
Now, I’m not super duper concerned with slapping a label on my sexuality and calling it a day (thanks to you guys, I appreciate all the advice in that regard!) but the more I think about it, the more I think that I really am gay, or at least gay-leaning bisexual. It kind of feels like the best time to be realizing it with the gay marriage ruling happening. Every time I think about it I feel giddy.
tl;dr: Talked it out, sexed it out, we’re a couple now! Thanks for helping me stay sane, reddit!
a friend of mine told me about her friend i think from high school who was gay but not out, and he pretended for a while to have a girlfriend named Amanda who he would go see a lot, and they’d be all, come hang out with us and he’d be like sorry I’ve got a date with Amanda, and they were like when are we gonna meet this Amanda??? anyway he kept this up for like a year until he finally came out; and when his friends were like, “wait, what about Amanda?” he said, “IT’S A MAN, DUH.”
i have literally never admired anyone’s commitment to a joke more
Context: My very first session, with special permission to make a Siren Rogue. She had been recruited by a human along with a kitsune. The trio had been summoned by a king to be debriefed on a mission. It should be noted that my Siren is generally very sarcastic, sassy, and mainly wears a very revealing outfit.
Siren: -arrives stylishly late and successfully charms numerous guards that she had flown into-
King: Oh, I see that another recruit has joined you.
Human: -obviously displeased- Yes, unfortunately.
Siren: -giving an exaggerated curtsy to the king- It’s a pleasure.
King: -blushing- Indeed it is.
Siren: -flirtily- Are you married, my king?
King: I was but unfortunately, my wife was taken from me a few months ago.
Me (going OOC): I’m going to hit that
DM: -laughing- I’ll allow it.
Human’s player: -also laughing- Wait, seriously?
DM: Yeah.
Siren: -doing a proper curtsy with a wink- Then perhaps a courting could be arraigned upon my return.
DM & King: Uuuumm sure.
It wasn’t until the next story, after a few new characters had been introduced, that the other players (excluding the DM) found out that I had been serious and she was now the queen of a kingdom.
This happened a few years ago and I was living in Zimbabwe at the time, and I was having a pretty bad day, I was going to see my auntie who lived about 400km away from me. If youre african you’ll understnad that this was no small journey. So I got in my car and set off and about 3 hours into the journey i came across a Dude by the side of the road who was going in the same direction, so out of the goodness of my heart i said jump in. we go to talking and he happened to be going to exact same village as me and he knew my auntie!.
Half an hour passes and we’re making polite chit chat and reminiscing about old times in zimbabwe, when all of a sudden he tell me to pull over, so I do. he runs out of the car and starts making wretching noises, so i assume he’s throwing up, its dark at this point so i cant really see much, so i go check on him ( first mistake). I get out and go to his side expecting him to be there but he’s not…..Then I here someone behind and me and before i know it im unconcious! so I wake up a couple hours later( iknow this becuase the sun was coming up at this point) without my car, clothes or wallet. so im thinking great. i look around and see im on some farmland wearing the giys clothes. SO i start walking in no particular direction and eventually come across a settlement.
I explain to them my situation and they tell me that the nearest main road is at least a good half a days walk from where I am and they dont get many cars coming through this part but they heard one last night ( which might be our thief). I start walking in the direction they point me in and after what felt like forever i come acroos a road, so I pitch up and start waiting, ( now i know most of you are thinking why not call someone, i had no phone with me and I dont have the best memory so I didnt know any numbers that would come in handy). after a couple of hours a car stops and lets me hitch I let him know the situaion and he says we’re in the complete opposite direction of my intended destination but he’s willing to drop me close enough to walk the rest of the way to which I thought great!
its takes a good two days to get there and he drops me off and i say my goodbyes to my driver, I take down his number so i can repay him later on. At this point im starting to recoginise my surroundings, I walk for a few miles and as im getting closer to my aunties i can here a lots of singing and what appears to be a large crowd which i though was strange. Im about 100 feet from the house and i see my Son which again i thought was strange because he was meant to be in school at this time, but instead of running to me and hugging me as he normally does…he runs away screaming to my complete bewilderment. I get to the the gate and all of a sudden the large crowd alerted by my sons scream has stopped singing and is stood silent. my wife appears and starts to run towards me hugging and kissing me like Ive been gone for months. My auntie appears and immediately faints when she sees me.
I still have no clue whats going on at this point and im exhausted, so we rush to get my auntie inside and I see my picture ontop of a large box that resembles a coffin sitting in the living room….
So it turns out that the guy who robbed me and made off with my car my wallet and all my clothes was in a car crash so bad that they couldnt identify the body and because the only things they could use to identify him was my wallet, they assumed it was me that had died in the crash. since there was no body of sorts they could arrange the funeral preety quickly and that is what I had stumbled upon. My son still has nightmares to this day and and my wife has told me never to pick up a hitch hiker ever again.
TL;DR Got carjacked, robber died and family thought it was me, they arrange my funeral and I somehow manage to stumble upon my own funeral.
