Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

cutest-angel-in-heaven:

swede-bloggg:

pep95:

queenbradbury:

omg so yesterday i put a salt line on the pathway to our front door because i was fucking around and my brother was pretending to be a demon

and today we ordered pizza and the salt line was still there

and my brother went outside to sign for the pizza

and the pizzaman refused to step over the salt line, like he almost did and then he backed up and handed my bro the pizza and left; which is pretty ridiculous because it’s far from our door

so a heads up to everyone i’m pretty sure domino’s is actually run by demons??? kind of like how in men in black the post office is run by aliens

demono

((”Not just pizza”))

((”but eternal damnation”))

(via yea-lets-do-this-shit)

joltick:

andrewsadrian:

i just saw an ad that was probably supposed to say accident lawyers but it said accidental lawyers and i can’t sotp laughing “just got my law degree aw man this wasn’t what i meant to do how am i gonna get out of this one”

i love this post because my dad literally got his law degree by accident?? he was the first person in his family to go to college and he didn’t understand how majors worked (he thought that it was just like.. if you take a lot of math classes you’re a math major and that it was just a figure of speech) so when it was time for him to declare his he realized he hadn’t actually been working towards any major in particular.

so he went through and looked at the required classes for every major offered at his college to see if the classes he had taken matched with anything, and lo and behold he found a pre-law degree.  and he thought, “well ok, i guess being a lawyer doesn’t sound too bad.”  and that’s how my dad became a lawyer.

(via adelindschade)

Today, I fucked up… by bringing the bomb squad to my high school

today-ifuckedup:

It was my senior year in high school and wrestling season had just ended. My aunt sent me a congratulatory musical card – the kind that plays part of a song when you open it – which I thought would be fun to tape to the inside of my locker (I shared this locker with a friend of mine) so that it played every time I opened it. This one played “Simply the Best” by Tina Turner. It worked, and I enjoyed it for a few days until the weekend which I spent in the mountains on a hiking trip with my dad and brother.

When the trip was over I checked my phone and saw that I had a voicemail from my locker-mate saying there was “a bomb scare or something” and that I had to talk to my principal on Monday. That Monday morning, I met with my principal who explained to me that a night janitor heard a ticking noise coming from my locker (apparently that’s what those cards start to do when they run low on battery) and called the police, who called the bomb squad, who shut down the two major intersecting roads near my school and brought in a robot to inspect my locker. When the robot x-rayed the locker, they saw the “device” taped to the door, some half-empty water bottles that happened to be on the top shelf that they thought must have been chemicals or explosives. They also thought they saw wires connecting everything together. Eventually they saw the monstrosity for what it was and shut down the operation, but apparently it was a pretty elaborate production. The article made the front page of the local newspaper the next day, complete with a photo and everything.

I never really got into trouble in high school and the principal knew who I was, so after talking for a few minutes we agreed that the whole thing was an honest mistake and that there was no malicious intent (although he said some parents were upset to the point that they wanted me suspended, expelled, or even to pursue some kind of legal action) and he let me off the hook.

In his own words: “I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to lecture you about, but I have to say something. I guess don’t… uhh… modify lockers anymore?”

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

allisquish:

riskpig:

Fallin’ by Alicia Keys was banned at school during my sixth grade year.

Because the entire school would not stop singing it. All productivity stopped when just one kid started with “I keep on fallin’…”

And then the rest of the class picked it up. Loudly. And then the class next door would hear it. And they picked it up. And then you heard it in the halls. During random points of the day this weird domino effect would take over, and the teachers weren’t able to teach, because they couldn’t be heard over the cacophony of Miss Key’s classic single.

Kids sang it on the bus. They sang it at games. They interrupted Band/Orchestra/Chorus concerts with it. The song interrupted staff assemblies.When that song came on at school dances, the DJ would quake in their shoes as they came to the realization that they unleashed a beast. A loud, unstoppable beast.

It got way the fuck out of hand.

That song caused so much destruction in just a few weeks. The announcements came that any kid caught singing that song, would get detention. And if they were the kid that started a Fallin’ Riot, they got suspended.

Any song was fine. Just not that song.

For months, there was quiet. Well, compared to the Fallin’ era. Finally, we came to the last week of school. It was a lax atmosphere - shorter classes, once testing was over. Kids being allowed to just hang out in the stadium and the gardens. We weren’t punished for having our portable CD players out.

And then, it was the day of the school’s Talent Show.

It was held at the end of the school day. Some of the usual stuff - magicians, singing, one kid made giant bubbles with hula hoops.

Suddenly, a piano was wheeled on stage. This little girl (really, a tiny thing, with her hair in long braids, and wearing golden hoop earrings that were almost the size of her face), took a seat.

I remember that she wore a black tux, with white gloves. Her feet barely touched the pedals.

And then, in a strong voice…

“I keep on fallin’…”

There was an eruption of joy. And then chaos. You couldn’t hear her over the roar. Not that it mattered. She smiled, her performance fueled by what she had done. And kept playing until she finished the song. 

This is the best story I’ve heard all day.

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

cmnedark:

1010meha:

sadmomhair:

what’s it like to be taller than 5’2”??? is it nice? can you comfortabley reach cupboards?

We live in constant fear of the short ones, who (in my experience) will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want

Alright story time.

I’m 6′0″, and one of the ways I assert my dominance over short people poke fun at short people is by holding my hand all the way up and asking them for a high five.

I do this all the time, but in highschool, I was friends with this one girl who I swear was about 4′5″ at most, and I put my hand all the way up and asked her for a high five.

Without hesitation, she literally climbed up my side like a fucking ladder and gave me the high five before hopping off and staring at my slack jawed face.

I was very impressed and very afraid. 

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

soulpunchftw:

agatharights:

musicofthestage:

crutchiee:

tbbackus:

lucasbieneke:

Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”. 

There should be a blog dedicated to theatrical urban legends. Like that opening weekend of Dracula where Dracula (still hungover) vomited all over the audience during the first stage direction that everyone has a friend of a friend that worked on the show and was there.

or the one where the bridge never came out for Javert’s suicide and so he just pretended to stab himself and then lay there until the lights went out

best story i heard was when a friend of mine saw a show where juliet forgot to bring the dagger out on stage so she just ripped the squib out of her chest and blood squirted everywhere

During a passion play a friend of my brother was supposedly in, one of the roman soldiers who was supposed to stab jesus on the cross and accidentally grabbed the wrong spear- he was supposed to grab one with a fake tip, but instead he grabbed one with an actual metal tip and, well

Jesus screamed “JESUS CHRIST YOU STABBED ME”.

Since that Jesus had to be taken down due to a bad case of stab-itis, the backup Jesus came in, but he weighed significantly less than the original Jesus- which would have been fine, except that at the end the cross was supposed to ascend upwards with Jesus on it, and the weights hadn’t been adjusted.

So Jesus, instead, ROCKETED UP into heaven (or, just, above the stage).

This is wild from start to finish

(Source: stardustschild, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

blowjcb:

so im at work and bagging for this lady and her little kid and the kids askin me about what its like being a big kid and all that so he goes “do you have a girlfriend? is she pretty?” and i live in a pretty liberal area and it was pretty quiet in the store so i just calmly responded “actually i have a boyfriend, but he’s fairly pretty” and the mom just kinda pauses on her phone and looks down at her son like please dont say anything bad please dont embarrass me but he just gets so fuckin excited and is like “you can do that ???? i didnt know boys were allowed to have boyfriends!!” and hes turns to his mom and is pulling at her phone trying to get her attention and is just really excited like “mom did you know that ? can i have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend ??” and she just started laughing and was like “if you want sure” and they took their groceries and left and im just standing there like

DID THAT JUST HAPPEN

THAT WAS SO CUTE

(Source: blowjcb, via winjennster)