Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

impalassible-nottolove:

So my friend works in the sound booth at his church and during the sermon, the preacher started bashing on gay people, so my friend muted him. Literally muted his preachers microphone I

(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

weeping-angels-take-the-ponds:

hippyveganchick:

fffcuk:

lzbth:

‘got herself pregnant’ is the dumbest phrase in the world like forreal if it was possible to get pregnant by ourselves we’d have eaten all the men long ago

it actually is possible to get pregnant (without the sperm of a man whatsoever) using bone marrow from another woman! a child conceived this way can only be female so actually, men are entirely useless. fun fact

let’s begin the feast (◉‿◉✿)

So I had been listening to two teachers talking, the school day was over and I was waiting for a friend to get out of french club. The dude went “ladies need guys to keep the human race alive” and then the woman goes “but there couldn’t be a human race without women” and the guy goes “true, but there also kinda needs to be a man too to make a kid” and I was like “you realize that statement isn’t true anymore right?” and they turned and looked at me confused and I was like “yeah, science has changed things so it actually is possible to have a child that is entirely from two females, but the child itself would be female” and that was one of the first times I actually got to see two teachers rethink everything, and then the woman goes “well, you’re officially useless” and he goes “well, don’t put it that way, I can still teach math better than you” and she laughed and said “that’s because I’m an english teacher”

(via starwarsisgay)

sheisagenius:

girlwholovesdragons:

itssexualhour:

When I was twenty, and very stupid, I was utterly in love with my economics professor. It is one of the most unsexy subjects, but the way this man talked about numbers was obscene. It helped that he was fucking gorgeous, too. There was a boy in econ who always sat next to me and found excuses to talk. He’d share his notes if I daydreamed during class—and I did a lot of daydreaming about that professor. This boy was persistent, so I made a deal with him. If he could ask the professor a question which he answered incorrectly, I’d agree to one date.The boy thought about it for a while, and then he asked, ‘Will she go out with me tonight?’, pointing at me. And the professor said, very decisively, ‘No.’ So the boy, thinking himself clever, asked me where I’d like to have dinner, and I said I’d tell him later. After class, I asked the professor why he’d answered ‘no’ with such certainty. Do you know what he said? He said, ‘Because you’re having dinner with me.’ And that was the night I started dating my econ Professor, and my now boyfriend of 5 years.

IS THIS A FANFICTION?

BECAUSE THIS SOUNDS LIKE A FANFICTION

Omg

(Source: itssexualhour, via yea-lets-do-this-shit)

jxhn-murphy:

Ok so a few years ago my brother got married on April fools day, and he called my dad and he was all “dad guess what I got married” and my dad was like “haha funny happy April fools day” except my brother had actually gotten married. So a few months later, my brother calls “hey dad, Sara’s pregnant” and my dad’s all “wth who’s sara” and my brothers like “my wife. We got married on April fools day so you didn’t believe me, remember?” And long story short my niece just turned 4 and my dad is still pissed about that

(Source: andrewmnyard, via starwarsisgay)

jakebutternubs:

jakebutternubs:

ok so there’s a garden centre across from my house and you need to go under a bridge to get to it, and today, on my way back (after having bought several packs of seeds, a bag of compost and a trowel) there was this creep under the bridge, and he shouted “nice arse” and came right up behind me and without even thinking i whacked the fucker with the newly bought trowel. moral of the story is dont fuck with gardeners

a 5'3" girl smacking a huge ass creep with gardening equipment and sprinting away with a freaking 70 litre compost bag over her shoulder deserves more than 18 notes guys

(Source: mardy-butt, via yea-lets-do-this-shit)

basementdemo:

when i saw all time low in 2013 this kid threw his ipod on stage and rian picked it up and it was opened to notes and it said “can i sing dear maria with you?”  and the band were pretty much like “yeah get up here” and then it turned into “WHO CAN PLAY DEAR MARIA ON DRUMS/BASS/GUITAR” and they found people who could and straight up handed them their instruments and let these four kids from the audience play dear maria on stage and it’s one of the coolest things i have ever seen

(via yea-lets-do-this-shit)

vastderp:

cheshiretiffy:

pats-a-lats:

Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.

So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.

So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.

So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…

And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…

Holy shit.

this was so fun to read out loud to my lesbifriend XD

(Source: pandyxmilkovich, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

toomanyducttapetoomanyrope:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

ponyboyismyhomeboy:

my eldest sister had a boyfriend when she was in fifth grade, but we moved away so they obviously couldn’t see each other. well, when she was in college her friend introduced her to some guy and it was her old boyfriend from fifth grade. after two days of catching up she told him she wanted to marry him. they’ve been married for ten years and have two kids together.

WHAT

dude sell that shit to disney

(Source: wonderfulmustacios-blog, via yea-lets-do-this-shit)

novator:

I WENT TO VISIT MY GRANDMA AT THE NURSING HOME AND THE LADY LITERALLY DOESN’T KNOW POOP FROM APPLESAUCE BUT SHE MUST HAVE REMEMBERED ME BRINGING SOMEONE TO CHRISTMAS BECAUSE SHE’S LIKE “SO HOW’S KALEB” (AKA MY GIRLFRIEND, KAYLA) AND MY MOM WAS LIKE “SHE’S DATING A GIRL AND HER NAME IS KAYLA, MOM”

WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT MY GRANDMA WAS LIKE “OH HOW LOVELY. I WAS A LESBIAN ONCE YOU KNOW.”

(Source: homophile, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)