Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

Anonymous asked: Okay, my queer little heart is almost hilariously into your swole af Diana (and also I laughed until my chest hurt too much to breathe at your hc about how she carried Bruce that one time, it made my life so much better) and I was wondering if you had any further headcanons to share about Wonder Woman.

unpretty:

idk about headcanons but here are some ideas that either already have made it into fics or probably will in the future (have I posted some of these before?? i feel like i did but i can’t find it, fuck):

• Historically Amazons were probably Iranian or the historical equivalent so ayyyyyyy
  
• Despite my temptation to make her swole but tiny I kept her 5′10″ which is the exact same height as Dick Grayson and four inches shorter than Bruce Wayne and eight inches taller than I am jesus christ how is that not tall enough for some people that is so fucking tall and she wears heels sometimes goddamn
• She’s like three hundred years old but she spent most of her life in her techno-utopia home so lots of things are still totally new to her and she keeps getting confused by all the stuff that isn’t a thing anymore (sometimes her slang… is so old…)
• Everyone in modern comics wants Themyscira to blow up and go to war and shit?? what gives??? Sorry but I want a badass techno-utopia island of immortal women whose primary conflicts are philosophical and essentially boil down to “but what about the prime directive”
  
• The flag motif for costumes started in WW2 because it was a convenient way to let people know she was there to punch Nazis and chew bubblegum and she still had plenty of bubblegum but she’s a good multitasker here comes bazooka joe motherfucker
  
• The most costumes of any superhero in the League because she’s old and doesn’t have a secret identity to protect so she can just do all sorts of shit, she’s strayed from the original designs of her costumes which is to say they are no longer meant to be as unmanly as possible out of spite
  
• Wouldn’t it be great if she picked Prince as a surname to use in Man’s World because she didn’t understand that the word was gendered and just wanted to convey Diana, Next For The Throne
• She figured it out obviously but Princess isn’t really a surname anyway so she kept it, fuck it, gendered words are weird
  
• I know most of the time she has a secret identity but I like it better if she’s THE PRINCESS DIANA OF THEMYSCIRA, WOMAN OF WONDER AND AMBASSADOR TO THE WORLD OF MEN but as long as she wears normal clothes and introduces herself as Diana Prince most people let her go about her business without making the connection. It’s not a secret it’s just like if David Bowie went somewhere in the 80s wearing flannel and introduced himself as David Jones. Bowie fans would go HOLY SHIT and everyone else would go ‘someone please feed that man and take his cocaine away’
• “Amazons are resurrected murder victims” what where did this even come from this is depressing as hell, why can’t they just be an island of badass Middle-Eastern women blessed by Goddesses who went out and made their own island and started accepting female refugees from Man’s World who could make it to their shores (sometimes they help people make it to their shores)
• Wonder Woman and Aquaman as old friends with adjacent kingdoms hell yeah hell yeah
• She’s really bad at dick jokes. ‘Balls’ is a weird word for testicles, for one thing. Plus it’s a matter of culture when it comes to genitalia. There are Amazons with dicks, sure, but there aren’t Amazons who refuse to shut up about how huge their dicks are or how small someone else’s dick is. That’s a weird cultural thing and ya’ll need Artemis.
  
• Everyone has abandoned “an amazon who allows herself to be bound by a man loses her powers” but I’m bringing it back and making changes okay. How about just “an amazon who allows herself to be bound loses her powers” and instead of gender being the important part, the important part is “allowed” as in “she has to consent to it” as in “an amazon can only really be hurt by someone that she’s trusted”
• She’s all about the power of love but also she’s competitive as hell
• She loves emoji
  

Prince Philip is the most badass prince EVER. And here’s why.

thorneofbriar:

onceyougodutch:

chasertiff:

Okay, so he’s got a girly face, and he wears tights and some high boots. Sure.

But check out that noble steed. That’s one ready-to-kick-ass-and-take-names steed.

While other princesses just run away and leave nothing, Philip gets AN INVITE TO HER HOUSE. He gets a song, a dance, and a first date.

He comes home, just to tell his dad he’s not going to marry the princess because he’s in love.

No. Other. Reason. He rides in and is just like, “I met the girl I’m going to marry. Now I’ve got a birthday party to be at. Bye Dad.”

Now how much do you think his dad weighs? That short fat little man? Probably pretty heavy.Not a problem for Prince Philip.

And then he gets jumped by goblins, both hands tied behind his back

But that’s not enough to stop Prince Philip.Oh no.

He breaks his hands free and starts chucking goblins.

Look at that face. That face. The “BITCH JUST YOU WAIT” face. He may be tied down by a dozen goblins but he’s not gonna take no shit from this witch.

In fact, he’s so strong, she ends up keeping him chained to the wall, but he still fights back.

Now when he finally does get free–

He’s ready to go into battle UNARMED. He don’t need no shield or sword, he’s going to go punch Maleficent’s face in with his fist. If Flora didn’t stop him, he probably would have, too.

Backed up against a cliff edge, nowhere to go. Fighting off goblins. But there’s so many and just one Philip.

NBD I’LL JUST JUMP AND SLIDE DOWN THE ROCK PILE IN MY SKIN-TIGHT TIGHTS.

Gate closing?

who gives a fuck? certainly not prince philip.

Lighting hitting rocks around me?

NBD BRO

Giant forest of thorns?

Bitch, get out of my way. I’ve got a princess to save.

Giant dragon of hell?

CHARGE HEAD ON.

Fire? Dragon? Burning dry twigs? No. Fucking. Problem.

Just smack that bitch on the nose.

Sheer cliff face? Fire burning behind me? Back to a wall?

Calm down guys, I got this.

I’LL JUST FUCKING SCALE IT ONE-HANDED.

And fight the bloody beast from 500 feet high, with literally nothing to save me if I fall.

Lose the shield off the cliff?

JUST STAND THERE AND SMILE ‘CAUSE I’VE GOT A FUCKING MAGIC SWORD THAT’S GOING THROUGH YOUR HEART BITCH.

Just chuck it. Straight through.

Then jump out of the way…

And survive. That’s what happens to bitches who mess with the woman I love.

Get the horse.

Get the girl.

EXPLAIN NOTHING.

that’s how he EARNED his happily ever after.

Srsly. The most bad. ass. prince. disney ever wrote.

I 1,000% never thought of it from this point of view before and am now screaming Too Hot, Hot Damn, Made that dragon wanna retire man.

“EXPLAIN NOTHING”

(via clockwork-mockingbird)

bikiniarmorbattledamage:

moonlovingvampire:

jammy-lannistray:

can we take a second to ponder on the fact that a kids movie did lady armor better than the entire film and comic industry

guess who i’m talking about

did you guess? Well you’re fucking WRONG because it’s Susan goddamn Pevensie

They gave her light armor, appropriate for a small archer:chainmail, an arm brace, chest plate, and a light skirt she can easily run around murderizing dudes in the face in

her hair is also only loose in the promo pictures because Susan is fucking busy not dying because her hair was flying into her eyeballs so she braids that shit back

her mail shirt is also loose enough that it doesn’t impede her arm movements it’s almost like she’s dressed for a fight wow

I like the pinks and purples under her bitchin as hell leather armor here, because you don’t have to be masculine to shoot someone in the goddamn face

@bikiniarmorbattledamage look, good armor, on a girl

I feel it’s a worrying statement about the state of media when a movie set in a universe where wardrobes can literally be trans-dimensional portals for the sake of narrative convenience has one of the better examples of making fantasy female armor that is styled around something other than sex appeal.

Because while one could, if really determined, pick out all the points by which this armor is not “really functional” the fact is that it does convey a sense of readiness and being larger than life… without resorting to the usual tropes.

- wincenworks

(Source: merianymerosmartell, via windbladess)

the-capricious-one asked: Rey- who is the hero that everyone loves and they never can?

peradii:

• Here’s the one thing you need to remember about Rey: she grew up alone and starving, lonely and unloved, desperate for companionship, hungry for family. She remembers catching sight of her reflection at eight or so: a collection of bones and skin with scabs at the corner of her mouth and dust clogging her hair and bruises on her hands and split-open red knuckles from beating up a thief who tried to make off with her haul (no haul, no food; you die if you don’t eat. She knows this better than anything, she’s seen it happen, she knows what it is to starve
  
• Anyway: this is a girl who never had a childhood and the instant she meets a child, an actual honest-to-Force child, with big dark eyes and soft skin and chubby cheeks (why does she want to pinch them? is this a normal reaction) she is overcome by a surge of feral, ferocious protectiveness. She wasn’t protected as a child, not ever, and now she’s damned if she’s ever going to let another little one end up with red knuckles and skin stretched hard over the angles of their ribs.
• She says to Leia: I was hurt when I was little, left on my own, left – and the word abandoned stutters against her teeth. And I don’t ever want anyone to suffer like that, not ever and Leia thinks that once there was a boy who felt unloved and alone and drew the absolute opposite conclusion (I am suffering; thus, everyone else must also suffer)
• And, eventually, she learns of the tragic tale of Anakin Skywalker, he who became Darth Vader, and she feels pity for him, for the Force is a cruel mother, and her favour comes with a steep price. And Rey knows what it is to feel the pulse of the universe in your bones. She knows what it is to be so full of power you choke on it, she knows how addictive it is to see injustice and think if I ruled this place, I would be better.
• She knows, that’s the point. And she pities him, and she understands, and then she has a spare evening and plunges into the data-records of the Old Republic and she reads about the massacre at the temple. 
• Little ones. Lonely ones. Little ones stolen from their families and given weapons to hold instead of hands, asking Master Skywalker there are too many of them and little ones who didn’t expect to be protected, little ones ready to fight, and did they have bruises on their knuckles as well? Rey understands that training is imperative, that children who are strong with the Force need guidance, but –
• They were children. In his care. He killed them. 
• That’s the story, the whole story, and nothing before or after can justify the single evening in the temple. Did he hold his wife after, did he touch her pregnant belly, did he tell his twins he loved them?
•  Luke tries to speak of redemption. Rey spits on the floor, because she’s an ill-bred desert girl who would die ten thousand deaths before lifting her lightsabre to an innocent. And good is not always nice, and she tells Luke to his face that his father was a monster and ever shall be. Little broken bodies, she says. Her eyes flare. The Force, around her, crackles with anger: the shining heat of the desert. 
• That night, Luke dreams of his father. I’m sorry, he says. Your granddaughter hates you – but Anakin Skywalker smiles. 
• Good, he says.

Anonymous asked: I know you don't want more AUs, but how would PADME unfuck the timeline? I imagine a lot more efficiently and lot more scarily than all the Jedis put together...

suzukiblu:

Fourteen year-old Padmé Naberrie sews a FUCKTON of Hutt-money into the lining of Sabé’s robe before they escape the blockade, buys Shmi and Anakin and lifts Watto up three tax brackets, FREES Shmi and Anakin, and then “accidentally” handcuffs Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan before the big final battle with Darth Maul. Oh, and DEFINITELY does not suggest any vote of no-confidence at ANY point. 

“Skywalker is too old to be trained,” someone on the Council starts to re-insist after all the fuss is over, and Qui-Gon is just about to snap back at them when–

“DIBS,” Padmé yells, bursting into the Council room past helpless Jedi guards who could not have stopped her if she’d been handcuffed and blindfolded, not for any-damn-thing. “FUCKING DIBS HE’S MINE NOW MY CITIZEN WELCOME TO NABOO ANI HERE IS A LIST OF BUSINESSES THAT WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO HAVE YOUR MOTHER WORK FOR THEM AND A LIST OF SCHOOLS THAT WILL GIVE YOU A FULL RIDE ALSO LET’S HAVE TEA ONCE A MONTH AND I WILL FIND YOU THE GRAYEST GRAY-ASS JEDI TO TEACH YOU ANY DAMN THING YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE FORCE ON THE SIDE. THEY’RE STILL A KIND OF JEDI SO IT STILL COUNTS. HOW DOES THAT SOUND DOES THAT SOUND GOOD? GREAT.” 

Meanwhile, the handmaidens are busy planning a Supreme assassination. They did not require an explanation; obviously the queen knows what she’s doing. Maybe she’ll be Supreme Chancellor next? 

GO HARD OR GO TO THE HELL-TIMELINE, KIDS. 

Frankly this is my favorite time-travel AU.

thehypnobunny:

the-late-adopter:

shitifindon:

drethelin:

ozymandias271:

what does “men who adhere to strict gender binary” even mean tho

NO ONE adheres to the gender binary! NO ONE FITS THEIR GENDER ROLE PERFECTLY! THAT’S THE POINT! AARRRGGH! 

NOOOOO OOOOONE…. ADHERES TO THE GENDER BINARY LIKE GASTON!

Originally posted by clarabellecow

when I try to hear this in my head my mental voice is incapable of pronouncing it fast enough to fit the timing of the line

“noooo oooone… adjksjfksfjslenry like Gaston!”

and when I try to fit it to one of the longer such lines, my mental voice becomes too confused about conflicting scansion to continue

no one’s droll like gaston
no one’s swole like gaston
no one fits his assigned gender role like gaston

I’m especially fond of the paaaatriaaarchy
My what a guy that gastooon

(Source: cptsdcarlosdevil, via cthulhu-with-a-fez)

Anonymous asked: Okay so your French History lessons are delightful, and I am an American with a terrible school system and an affection for historical factotum, please tell me something--anything--I don't know about the history of France. (Also your blog gives me life, you're fantastic, and have a lovely day.)

just-french-me-up:

OKAY SO HERE IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES!

Louis XIV was known to have a lot of sex when he was young and later in adulthood. Like. A lot. 

His brother, Phillipe d’Orléans, was known to be gay and quite publically so, and though he did obey his brother’s wishes to marry and have children, he kept lovers under his sleeves all his life

So when he was older, Louis XIV married one of his mistresses, Madame de Maintenon, who was a devote Jansenist. So the King had a sort of religious crisis and became SUPER CATHOLIC. So much so that he told his brother to “stop his indiscretions”, talking about his gay lovers. And Phillipe roasted him on a spike saying: 

“Well let me remind you you fucked more girls than there are beads on your rosary, so STFU” (I believe he said something along the lines of “Vous avez enfilé plus de filles que de perles à votre chapelet” in French which is fucking SAVAGE)

muteelfmoonmoon:

iopele:

iamacutetiger:

cosmictuesdays:

pilgrimkitty:

down-sizing:

argylsocks:

pretzel-log1c:

dendritic-trees:

friendlytroll:

roachpatrol:

iztarshi:

Inspired by various tumblr posts.

Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.

Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.

You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.

That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?

You really want a human.

you know fantasy dragon soulbonding fic i want more of that where the humans are the dragons, like, we’re huge, we’re old, we’re scrappy as hell, and if you are small and cute enough we would be delighted to carry you around on our back 

holy shit that’f b amazing. 

also imagine an alien being like

‘I THINK A HUMAN IMPRINTED ON ME THEY KEEP HANGING AROUND ME’

But imagine aliens that only form social bonds under very specific circumstances having to deal with humans though:

Like, they will bond with a group, and if they move they just bond with a new group while still talking to their old group.  They will bond with other species. They encourage their children to practice bonding with inanimate objects.  They can have more than one mate in their lifetime.  Sometimes they have more than one mate simultaneously.    Once they bond with you they’ll start trying to bring other humans they are bonded with to bond with you.

If you stand around them long enough they’ll probably just wander over and try to pat you, this is how they bond with other species.  You may have accidentally bonded with a human without knowing it.

Seriously they will bond with anything.

@jq-piccadilly

addendum:

“Help the human in our party bonded with a grafknap and now they want to bring it with us”

“I don’t see what the problem is.”

“We’ve already got like five of them, and then there’s the orlaps and vanghus.”

“krrrk sor krrkr going thr krrk -bula spike krrk”

“Companion Mar, how do you sustain these high levels of interpersonal relation?”
“Uh… hanging out, I guess.”
“Hanging out of what, exactly?”
“Sorry, that’s a human phrase used to describe spending leisure time in the general proximity of others for entertainment.”
“But we are very far from your past companions, and yet you have continued to express interpersonal relation to them, in spite of the lack of proximity.”
“Oh, well, I comm them now and then.”
“Interesting. So you posit that physical proximity and verbal communication are key to this relational anomaly?”
“I mean that’s part of it.”
“… great Glarbnack, you’re doing it right now, aren’t you?”
“Oh, come on, Kursp, we’ve been friends for ages, you know that!”
“No! Stop! I can’t believe you would - oh, Glarb, what’s the word? - vefriendle me without even asking me first!”
“Befriend. The word is befriend, Kursp.”
“Ugh, humans! Well I know I can’t stop you but at least try not to emote all over the place.”
“Sure thing, buddy.”
[Enraged squeaking]

OMG THIS ONE IS FANTABULOUS

Humans.

Will.

Pet.

Anything.

Ok but what happens when humans are brought aboard an alien spacecraft to travel to the far side of the galaxy, and the ship stops to refuel on Planet Kro’Chenpotyl 6, and there are warnings all over the place to PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE THE SPACE STATION and the humans are just like “why?” and the aliens are all “Captain Steve, have you never encountered a Horgler before?” “no, whats a horgler?” “They are very dangerous, Captain. Please do not leave the space station as they roam freely and we do not wish to communicate with your superiors anything about injuries to you or your crew.”

and then two hours later Captain Steve has a giant Horgler in tow and everyone else is just “!!!!!!!!” and Steve is just “yeah, this is my new pet. his name is Fluffy.”

it keeps getting better

This makes us sound so badass.

(via muteelfmoonmoon)